Been awhile since I've posted. I've been on and off regularly though. I do read some posts at times and think about posting, don't know why I don't...
ive struggled this past year with a couple additional issues than just fibro, which isn't that uncommon for most of you I guess. But for me this past year has been one of the biggest struggles of my life. Just about a year ago is when it all started. The additional issue with nausea on top of my food sensitivities has been the most difficult. My diet is so narrow, pretty much cereals and bread cottage cheese and yogurt. In the past few weeks I have added to my diet, I think I'm improving, then it comes back. I've had the scope (colonoscopy) done, been 10 years anyways, and "mild gastritis" is all they found. So why can't I eat? They then did the 4 hour nuclear test, following food through stomach and that was considered normal, and Doppler ultrasound and that was normal. So, they didn't say it, but I believe they think I'm seeking attention or it's all in my head. Don't know where to go with that.
My days anymore (past year) are simply sitting around the house, with a run to the store once in awhile. My wife wants me to go walk with her. I do that, and she wants to walk faster than my energy levels... I'm supposed to be the strong one (society stereotype of the man in the relationship) and I can't keep up. Then, every time, I flare the next day. Ultram at the doseage I'm at barely helps (although with out it I wouldn't have risked the walk at all). And I don't want more or a stronger Med either. If I flare, I did too much and I need to back off. So 30 minute walk at a slow pace and I flare, it's come to that. With my issues this past year I've lost stamina. Nausea every day on top of fibro, and fatigue so I've become very inactive. Although my issues that began a year ago have improved some I really struggle knowing how to regain stamina.
My wife is planning a week at the beach with her daughter since I don't want to leave the house. When I feel this way, as I have the past year, I don't want to ,eave home, or drive 8 hours to the beach and I can't eat out, so how would the week at th beach be anything but misery for me. If it were only me and my wife going,how would it be fun for her? I think I'm doing the right thing staying home, for me and her but I'm feeling very left out... She has accused me of not wanting to go, but that's not true. I want to go but for reasons already stated I'm sure I'd be a drag and make everyone miserable... how do I handle feeling as bad as I do and no show it, and act as if I'm fine.. I'm trying not to be resentful of her for daring to have fun while I'm miserable... After stating that, I feel guilty. How do I survive with these health issues and see her trying to live normal and have fun and not be jealous. I really have a mixture of emotions to navigate through. I really do want her to be happy. I just don't seem to have the tools to handle a lot of the experiences married life gives me.
Trying to not feel hopeless, and some days I succeed a bit, but most if the time, hopelessness wins. Thanks for reading my post.