I really wish there was a "like" button here as I'd like every single piece of advice on this thread.

MsBoni when I was active in AlAnon years ago, at each meeting, they used to say "take what you need and leave the rest." It's good advice. We'll drive ourselves crazy trying "everything" that anyone ever tells us about - we have to choose what resonates with us and try that first.

Moonylou, at the bottom of each page here there is a link to "Crisis Hotlines." Please click on it and call someone. There is help.

I am so encouraged reading all this. I also have Irritable Bowel and today is tough and the Gravol isn't working too well. We are dealing with challenges that others will never experience. My heart goes out to all of you. You're very brave and strong. Love, Isabelle1954

I dont have any friends here anymore. I had to cut ties with the ones I had 2 years ago because they were not very supportive when I was going through a rough time with my marraige. I wasnt looking for negative advice, I was hoping for encouragement and advice on how to fix it. Needless to say, I chose to not have friends and find new ones. Hard to do at my age. Thats why I joined this group. No emotional ties and everyones advice is 90% positive. I use to have a friend that had FM though and I understand now what she felt like. I didnt back then and never knew what to say. I usually just offered my help if she needed it. Which she always rejected. :(

I have an acquaintance like that, it would be a stretch to call her a friend because I find her annoying but she is part of my circle of friends. The other day she made a comment implying I am a complainer. I occasionally mention I am taking a me day but seldom speak of the many hurtles I go through in a day. She had replied to a comical post I had put up with that implication. I felt like telling her to take her bitchy attitude and stuff it where the sun does shine or just giving her a smack for being such a snotty, condescending person. She is rude and condescending to many people that is why I do not like her. But I chose to take the high road. I think next time I will just tell her to shut it. Perhaps being rude and condescending back to her is the only language she understands.
Anyway, back to you. Perhaps the way to deal with that friend is to shut her down when she is talking about something that effects her and see how she feels. Maybe she is unaware of how rude and dismissive she is being.

Thanks for your post. It's helpful.

I still haven't contacted my friend. But I read Pema Chodrun whenever I get into difficulties....and she says, don't set anyone up as a target.

I think at the bottom of it is that what someone says to you is all about them (most usually). If they are talking s**t then it is they who are in it at the moment. You just happen to be the lucky recipient.

I've contacted my other, much busier but much more empathetic friends and I will not see my other "friend" as much. Or, I could sit down with her and tell her I need to share my feelings with her and wish she would do the same with me.

This post reminds me of my ex (it was a long term relationship)..... He used to "go through the motions" of being supportive, like going to my doc appts with me, etc, but behind my back he was telling all his friends and family that I was a hypochondriac and I was delusional and needed therapy! Some support THAT was!! The relationship ended badly, full of drama, but I was sooo RELIEVED when it did. Like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I think HE'S the one who needed therapy! lol.

What I learned from all that was that people don't know how to deal with you being sick and if they can't fix it, they get frustrated and may ended up labeling you as other things than what you tell them is wrong with you. That and they just get tired of hearing about it. Mostly because they don't know what to do about it.

THis post also reminds me of this small church I went to for a short time. THey used to say how they were all family and cared about each other, etc, .....but then one day they told me that the reason why I was suffering was because God was punishing me for serving in the military! WHAT?! Ok I was out of there and never went back.

The best thing is what everyone has been saying here.... find a support group.... I go to a chronic pain group at the VA on Mondays. I also go to a music therapy group at the VA (who all have some type of chronic pain) and it really helps me. I also ran my own support group for a while some years ago. It was great.

Best of luck to you and i hope you find what you are looking for! :)

Friendship is strained by my not being available when I say I will be. Today, I am missing a class with other women that I enjoy and learrn from. Just cannot get out of bed today! Missed last week, too, with i.b.s., and today, it's the barometer I think rain is on the way.

Drs. don't know so how can others? Only within fibro groups can there be understanding, and my family who live with me. They see how much I try to get up and out.