I feel like I could have written your post! I've been struggling with the exact same thing. I had a friend who shut me down like that, when I was feeling especially vulnerable. The painful thing was that I'd been very encouraging and sympathetic to her just a week ago, when she was sharing a painful situation. So it really hurt me for her to be so unfeeling.

I realized that she doesn't have the social skills to handle situations like that, plus she is not the sympathetic and encouraging type. So I decided I would stop trying to initiate conversations with her and just not even expect her to be there for me.

I have other friends, but they all seem to be so busy. They don't think about picking up the phone and calling to check on me or get together for a lunch. This has been a very eye opening time for me. I know my friends care, but they are just all tied up with their own lives.

It's so sad, because they don't realize how much we need their support. I do understand how you're feeling, and I wish I had the answer. I'll just tell you that in my own life, I've decided to try and reach out to others through writing cards to people who I know that are suffering. I know how much it meant to me to get a card from a friend just saying they were thinking and praying for me.

I hope you can find peace about this. It is so hard to feel so alone and not having friends be there for you.

Hugs,
Elizabeth

I think "normals" just really have a difficult time understanding how everyday life can be so difficult sometimes. Like you said, even staying at a desk for an hour can be really hard for us.....for people without fibro, it wouldn't be. I think they may TRY to relate and be sympathetic, but can't really empathize, and really don't know what to say or do to help.....

For me, the best thing has been to come here to talk about fibro....along with one or two folks I personally know who have it. For other folks, I don't talk about it too much....

Just my experience.....

HUGS from down south :)

I'm very sorry about your friend shutting you down. Some people still don't believe fibro is real or they don't want to deal with "sick" people. I have lost yet another friend myself because I had to cancel plans and she made me feel guilty, there was more but for another time. Like CajunTiger I get on here and talk to people, it's easier. I hope you find someone who will be there for you when you open up, we are here for you. Hugs

Thanks for your comments. I will join a local support group.

I have lost so many friends because of this, but have also gained some because of this. It has made me a better friend to other people because I know how NOT to treat them. Getting rid of the negative energies is now very important.
Gentle hugs.

If a friend can't give you the time of day, can't take the time to listen to what you are going through and to be there for you, it's time to move on. I am truly sorry that your friend and friends treat you so poorly. It is so important to have friends who are understanding and will listen. I have friends that say they understand, but I know in my heart, that they don't really. Really, what more is it going to take for people to understand and care, and that includes the doctors. Here is a quote that I would like to share with you.
1. A friend who understands your tears is much more valuable than a lot of friends who only know your smile.
Hugs GB

I have friends I've known for years who don't know what I go through, because I usually don't tell them. I save that for my support group, where I feel safe and I know they'll "get it."

It doesn't really matter what the health condition is - most people just don't know how to respond, because they can't fix it or do much of anything to help. They don't realize that just listening quietly and letting you get it out of your system would be really helpful.

We can't blame people for being wrapped up in their own lives - we all are to some extent. I have friends I haven't seen in literally years because I just don't have time to see them all, but we keep in touch via Facebook so that I know what's going on in their lives, and they know what's going on in mine. Those who aren't on Facebook, I keep up with via email. I'm wrapped up in my own life too - I have a full-time job and three volunteer gigs, and when I'm not obligated to one of those four activities, I guard my precious down time with a vengeance. I don't blame others for doing the same.

Try to find a support group - it's the best place to talk in emotional safety.

Great advice. I don't have a full schedule and need to fulfill some of my social needs other than by seeing close friends (impossible).

I';ll take your advice PeaceN2You and share only a wee bit occasionally with only very close friends who, out of the blue, really ask how I'm doing. Otherwise, it probably just gets in the way of maintaining friendships.

Thanks y'all again! You guys rule.

I agree that people for the most part don't know what to do or what to say to someone who is sick. It doesn't matter the illness, it could be any illness.

I've learned not to talk about it because I'm the one who always feels bad after.

The most irritating thing to me is when you have to talk about it because someone is demanding of your time and presence and you have to explain why you most likely won't be able to be there.

Otherwise, save it for the support group. This place is a life saver.

I can relate to that. It's a learning lesson. There are some friends that are more like acquaintances, who you learn you can't really share personal things with. I struggle too, I only have a few close friends I can share personal things with. and then I have DS..which I am SO thankful for. I think people here care more about me sometimes.

Soon after I got my diagnosis, which like most of you was a long time in coming, my best friend of 20 years refused to believe that I was really sick. She said some of the most insulting things, like "oh you just read about that and decided you had it; it's not even real."
I wrote her a very long, handwritten letter pouring out my heart to her, only to receive a postcard from her in return. I haven't looked back.

I was in much worse shape then because I was so stressed about being incurably ill, what it might do to my marriage, etc., the idea that she thought I had made up an illness, knowing her the way she did, made me really take a second look at our 'friendship'. I needed support and she was hurting me, terribly.

I haven't looked back since. Strangely, I dream about her every now and then, always waking up with a raging headache afterward.

Like others here, I can barely keep up with the things I have to do, taking care of my house as well as I can, trying to eat better foods, taking care of my body. There are few friends now. Between being sick and a political liberal, almost all of them are gone now. They had a hard time accepting that I had to change plans, too. I know it must frustrate them and it was easier to end the friendships than to constantly being under stress, worrying about them getting their feelings hurt.
I never saw myself living like this in the past. I had many, many friends, so it's the hardest thing to accept that this new person exists. It's been almost 30 years of living with an extreme level of disability. Like they say about how life happens to you as you are making plans for your future.
I hope you can get some reconciliation that will be okay for you with your friend. There's only so much education that is possible, I find. Maybe your friend is a better learner than mine have been. Best of luck.

When Pain Was new To Me I Shared Indiscriminately. Mostly Cause I Didn't Understand WHAT IN THE HELL Was Going On. Idk Why I Shared, I Think Cause I wanted To Know If Others felt As I Did ? EVER ?

I Soon Learned They Did Not.

I Overwhelmed People Who Could Not Possibly Understand, Let Alone Help Me.

That Is When I Found THIS Group.
Many Years Ago Now.

I Shared Here, Where I Could Find REAL Support. Gave My Friends/Family All The Good Stuff I Had.

Support Is Vital.

I Found REAL Help On These Boards.
I Took What Helped ME, And Passed Along What May Interest Others. I Let the Rest Go.

I Found With My Family & Friends On THIS Side Of The Monitor, The Less I Spoke Of Something, The More They Heard Me.

Been a LONG Journey To Be Sure.
A Real Learning Experience.

"Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful." (Regina Brett). I try to remember this quote when faced with a situation like yours. Hugs!

Isn't it so terribly sad that we all experiencing the same abandonment? I've just lost my last support, my furbaby, my little girl, no one came to hold my hand, same when my dad passed away, and when I lost my partner... all three to brain tumor. I don't understand how people can be so heartless. I'm 45 can't see anything but loneliness for the rest of my life and I want to end it all.

My sister who we used to be close did the same thing to me. Finally I saw how narcissistic she was, it was all about her, so I had to walk away. I have to say that being without the stress of her has done wonders for me. Sometimes you just have to walk away.