I have my husband and 17 and 21 year old sons that are still at home. And I watch my very independent 8 (next week) year old grandson after school for a few hours. Other than these people, I have absolutely no social contact with anyone that I know. I have agoraphobia, so it doesn't bother me. Some days I do get terribly lonely but I have been like this for so long now that I don't know how to act around others. Just visiting my inlaws of 30 years makes my palms sweat - and they like me. The phone never rings for me unless a daughter wants something. I've cut myself off from the so-called family I came from for a good reason. I've often thought that if I died, my family could hide it for a matter of forever. There's no one to miss me.

But then that also means there's no one for me to let down, to disappoint, to make cry anymore, to not be the perfect daughter, sister, friend to. No expectations. Just me and my llasapoo. As depressed as I am, it's not from being alone. This I know.

So, if you are a non social person, as far as I'm concerned you don't have a problem. See - if you're always alone, you're not alone! Oh I crack myself up sometimes. But then I have to.

Blue hun, I think it all depends on who we are and who we were prior to having Fibro.

For me, I was very social. Too social. But now for me to not socialize with friends and family occasionally, I tend to get bummed out. It wears on me to dwell in my cave for too long.

But on the other hand, I have moments where I can't talk on the phone because I fear my words are too mumbled or I simply can not find the right words. Then the frustration comes forth.

So for me, it's a mix of messed up feelings. I do fear being around large groups. But I try to overcome it.

All I can encourage you to do is to find your comfort zone. Do what you feel you need to do and it's okay if you change your mind 6 months down the road.

Oh my goodness! I just came in to take a peek at the topics and clicked on yours. Your post is as if I wrote it myself. I have cut myself off from society as much as I can for the very reason you listed. I make an effort to get out and it backfires. Ive been there and done that so many times I dare not try to count them. Yet I am finding being totally alone is not good either yet it is better than being with the wrong people or person.

I suppose that it really all depends upon who you are with. If you are with people who understand because they live it themselves then things will work out. I suppose that is why I am still here at this FM support group.

For me it all depends on the mood I'm in. If I'm feeling really bad I tend to isolate myself but then there are times I miss being out and around people

Hugs

Had to stay home today. Peopled out. Two days with too much going on, a luncheon for a friend's birthday, just burned me right out. So I do agree, pacing is everything and I'm taking this day off. Tomorrow is yoga with friends and I know I'll, (hope) I'll be ready for it.

Blue...I completely understand. I worry something is wrong with me too, but I also have to realize that I am who I am and I'm enough company for myself some days.

I also hate trying to be social during the summer (heat wears me out) or around people with expectations. My family understands if I need a people break and my husbands takes over daughter duty for me. That all helps.

But I still am not great at being social with groups of folks. I'm fixing to head to Bible Study and that is taking a LOT of energy!

I'm that way to an extent. I'm a natural introvert. When I'm having alot of pain/stress I tend to crawl into my own shell so to speak. But I work hard to maintain contact/time with my circle of friends

too bad our caves are not all connected!! I have been in mine for 4 years, we moved from MN to WI and I feel like I have one good friend out here that hasnt done anything untrustworthy all my other friendships seem to have been 1 sided, as soon as they get what they need from me I stop hearing from them. I'm tired of putting my heart out there and caring about people only to find they really don't give a crap about me!! still keep in touch with my "real" friends in MN but going back to visit really wears me out, so many people so little time. other than my very part time work I only leave the house to go to docs apts n wal-mart, don't feel too bad about it. I mean you've got us right? just be sure to keep your internet connection :)

I have noticed I have a hard time getting out of the house,if it wasn't for my husband I would not go out. But I have realized once I get out Iam a very social person,but I have agoraphobia,anxiety,and panic attacks,but my meds do help,but still if my hubby doesn't say come on you need to get out,I would be find at home with my friends on the computer. The fear is what stops me from wanting to leave my comfort zone.So I can understand how you feel in a way.
We need to get out and socialize,but I can't do day after day going out, I need breaks.so I think your fine feeling the way you feel :)

This sounds a lot like how I am. Your conclusion is an interesting thought. It got me to thinking, and yes, I used to be quite social. Now I have totally retreated and hardly see anyone, other than my hubby and kids, or go anywhere. At first I thought that everyone abandoned me, but now that I think about it, I did a lot of pulling back and avoiding without any help from others. Hmmm...

The minute I read the title of your post I knew what you were going to say, now does that tell you that YES I know what you are talking about!! I have become such a hermit and that is not at all the way I used to be. Sensory overload is such a problem and to be honest I am no longer interested in "small talk" I dont even want the store clerks trying to start a conversation with me. So is this one more thing brought on by FM? or is it a form of depression???

Sensory overload is a perfect phrase. It's as if the fibro fog cannot allow too much in at once. I get so overwhelmed, to the point of a cold sweat if there's too much noise I just need to go back to my room. Small talk? Oh I've always hated it, but played the social game as expected. Except for the last 10 years. Yes, I know what you mean imcelia. It sounds just so familiar.

In my perfect world I'd be something close to a hermit. I hate phones and socializing with people wears me out - always has.

So how did I find myself in a profession where people are my business, in a job where I'm a senior exec, and in my "spare time" I run a small non-profit organization and a support group with (as of today) 258 members?

I am overrun with people - and I have no good explanation for how I got here LOL

No you do not have a problem. You have fibro. Sensory overload is the perfect way to describe it.

One of the SS doctors I had to go to documented that I had few friends, and said it in a negative way. I was offended because it was a judgement that I used to hear all to often. After grad school and having jobs that required socialization, I was kind of glad to return to my cave. I like my cave.

Like others here, I don't like large crowds and have difficulty following a conversation in a group setting. I'm good with my few friends and family.

You mentioned that your counselor is trying to reverse this. Do you want to reverse this?

Well, I guess I'm the odd one out on this thread. I crave being around people. Not that I don't suffer from sensory overload, so I have to pick and choose what or where I interact with said people. But I get people starved. I've always been that happy, chatty people person. It's what I thrive on. Now that I'm housebound most of the time it drives me batty! It's really difficult to socialize from an epsom bath. LOL Blue, just remember when it comes to friends, quality outweighs quantity!