6 days now off the cymbalta....
did i mention my doc said to go backwards and take it again?? take the lowest dosage every other day for a week, then skip 2 days for a week, then 3, and so on?

but i've grown to hate this med so much, i'd rather NOT put any of those pills in my mouth ever again.

i still feel like SHIT... shit isn't even the right word to describe it. hmmm... maybe a "train wreck survivor whose brain and eyes keep getting electrocuted" better describes it.

i asked Matthew to take me down town yesterday when someone called (who owes me money) and said they got paid and will pay me back $300. i couldn't drive at all, still can't. not with this wobbling zapping pounding feeling, nope. not a safe driver.

so a grabbed my ear plugs and black shades and headed out the door to collect my money (had to cuz she was leavin the island)....
of course, we ended up arguing on the way down, what's new, right? and the whole entire bitch in me comes out.... not a mean streak, the WHOLE thing.

for the last how many days i've been TRYIN to tell this thick headed man who supposedly loves me that this is THE WORST physical torment i've ever felt in my life, but somehow he doesn't get it and still has the nerve to give me rotten attitude. i flipped the F--- out!!! tired of him hurting my head with his yelling, tired of the attitude, tired of the fact that every time i feel like total shit i have to BEG for him to be nice to me! WTF!!!!!

i pushed my ear plugs in harder and lost it, started screaming my fuckin head off at the top of my lungs at him point blank in his face. told him it's bad enough i have to deal with this nightmare shit from cymbalta, i DO NOT have the patients to put up with HIS SHIT TOO!!!!!

that if i can't get rid of ONE of the problems in my life then i'll have to get rid of the other, meaning i was ABOUT to give in and BUY him a plane ticket on credit and ship him back to his mama in Texas! if you cant be something good in my life then get out.

shape up or ship out, motha fucka!!! then i got quiet and let it sink in to his little and lacking brain. later on he came up to me and apologizes "for being bad bf" and that he hasn't been good to me and so on. but by that point i stopped caring. i told him i just want my peace and quiet and sanity, so pick one of the options; stay n be good, or get the fukk out. we got couples counseling coming up on the 19th, and if i can't make it till then, then he's goin home back to momma.

a human being can only take so much.

so where's the mad scientist that can cure this shit? or at least come up with an "anti-miserable serum"? cuz i could really use some right now.