And for those that do have bipolar, how long do your phases last?

I'm not bipolar but know several people that do have both.

i would say no.when we feel better we do more.and she might enjoy shopping.does she crash after? could be cfs too.i hope not.

I have bipolar 2 and yes, there is a correlation between the two--it's called comorbidity.

For her pain, you might consider that part of it is myofascial pain where the muscles get knots in them that refer pain elsewhere. The knots are known as trigger points and have to be broken up in order for the pain to subside. Fortunately, you can learn to do trigger point massage on yourself with a bit of time and effort. For more info on myofascial pain, check out the book at triggerpointbook.com and triggerpoints.net.

I use an electric percussion massager as I find it's more effective than the manual ones where to have to try to locate active trigger points. With mine, I just start massaging an area that's bothering me, and if something hurts, I focus on it. That way I'm able to keep the trigger points deactivated most of the time, thus lowering my pain. I've gone from being in one degree of agony or another 24/7 for years on end to being pretty much painfree a good 85% of the time doing trigger point massage.

Another reason our pain level is so high is that our serotonin levels are too low to keep the pain neurotransmitter, Substance P in check. Here is a seminar put on by Dr. Rodger Murphree that is very interesting--it's nine parts and the other segments should come up on the sidebar:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPGdqpMxU24

Don't know what to tell you. If she is ok with you going to the doctors with her that would be good but is she isn't I wouldn't push it.

I don't know what meds she may be on but I've been on prednisone for breathing problems. I've been on a high from this med twice this year where I've started to feel better and in a really good mood and everything was going to get better. When I tappered down I got very discouraged and my fibro symptons and other health problems seemed to be worse.

The best thing would be to sit down and talk with her and share your concerns in a calm manor.

Maybe you could learn the tigger point massage segulley talks about and give her massages.

I'm single and I would love to have someone special in my life that would take the time to give me a massage. Even if it was just a foot massage (if she is hurting this might be all she can tolerate).

Sending Hugs & Prayers that you can find ways to help her and that she feels better soon.

FM can cause situational depression, it is not always clinical like bipolar.
It is difficult living day after day feeling like a bag of...well you know.
It does rob us of our dignity at times and self esteem. It is good that she is seeing a therapist.
I wouldn't jump the gun on assuming that she is bipolar unless a doctor trained in that field diagnosis her with that.
However, that being said if she has suicidal ideologies I think it is important that you relate this to her therapist if she hasn't already.
Talking with someone about their mental health is a tricky subject. Not sure if your wife is receptive to that or not. You would know better than any of us how she may respond to that.
It doesn't hurt to let her know that you are worried about her and that you want to see her happy and are concerned when she gets in her sad moods. Let her know you understand that FM is a heavy burden. If my spouse told me that my good moods were cause for concern to him I might be offended but if he told me that he worries that the tole of FM is wearing me down emotionally I would be more receptive.
Again, I can't speak for your wife, I can only speak on how I would react.
Like your wife however, when I feel half okay, I try and do all the things I used to. The next day I am usually in agony which often can cause a miserable mood. I have only just learned how to deal with the stress of the roller coaster of pain and how to dial down my activities even when i feel half decent, to avoid the physical crash the next day.
Hope that input helps.

You love her and she loves you...you are both in this together. I would speak to her and/or go in for a joint session to share all of your concerns. Let them make the diagnosis. My sister had depression and then it got worse and worse...she did not know what was happening to her, how to convey it to her mate or family...she was afraid and often times she could not remember things she had done at all. Finding a solution from a point of caring, loving support is all good.
My sister was relieved to know and be able to share this in a family/private kind of way. Whether it is just that she is having a good day and then overdoes it or is up to shopping for a change may be what is happening, but it is wise to explore it further and share your concerns with her and her doctor. It's awesome that you are so there for and with her! Very proud of you...you can always come to DS for support, I think the DS folks are AWESOME!

Hugs & Prayers to you and your bride!

I have days that I feel really well, and do too much, I use up every bit of energy I have, then this causes a crash the next day.

My wife has wondered if I might be bipolar, but I really think it is that I do not possess the skills to pace myself, to stop working on a good day before I have pushed it to a limit.

I have felt so low that death, the lack of pain, sounds comforting. Not exactly suicidal, but not far from it.

It is very depressing to be in a flare on an 85 degree sunny day, and my wife wants to get the motorcycle out and go for a ride, or go to the mountains and hike, or just get out and do anything, and I hurt so bad, all I want to do is sit there and look out the window.

But this is pain not true depression, or even bipolar, in my opinion. The depression is a natural result of the life altering pain.

I am on new meds, I am doing better over all, pain levels are much lower, and we are doing more things. I am on Ultram 50 mg, Valium 15 mg, and mobic 10 mg daily.

This is helping me live a much more normal life without the extremes, at least for the last 3 weeks or so. Time will tell if this trend continues, because what works today may not continue for ever, just part of the fibro life.

Maybe keep a daily journal? Maybe then a pattern will emerge?

I can feel fairly well for weeks at a time if I do not cross the line, and flairs can last weeks to months to years if I do not pay attention to my body.

Hope this helps, and others have posted really good thoughts too.

Good luck.

Hi bigguy,
It's nice to see you back. I wish everyone had a spouse that was as supportive and caring as you are.

As for your concerns it is possible that your wife also has bipolar but it is also possible that she is just struggling with learning how to pace herself. This is probably one of the hardest things for us to do. We get so tired of not being productive that when we have a good day or maybe even 2 or 3, we try to make up for it. Go, go, go. And then we crash. But it's not the same as a bipolar cycle. For us it's because we over did it the pain and fatigue comes back with a vengence. Totally knocks us on our butts, again! This of course, does affect our mood somewhat. And sometimes, yes, when the pain is never ending death does seem like a peaceful relief. But again, it is not the same negative thinking pattern of actual depression and wanting to die. It's more "I just want the pain to stop". With better pain control we don't feel that way, therfore it is not true depression.

Definitely it is worth talking about and being sure which it is that she is experiencing so that she is recieving the correct treatment. Either one can be very damaging. Best of luck to you.

Hugs

Thanks for all of the replies. The apathy and depression can be wearing - on everybody. I do my best to relieve her pain and the myofascial release book is something I will be getting.

I do know that the pain is one of the biggest factors in her state of mind. I do know that since we got married and blended our families that there has increased stress - from all of our children. Her children's father is primary custodial parent so for the eight years she had been divorced from their father, she didn't have the daily stress of dealing with children. The increased stress of dealing with the children (3 of them teens) is enough to cause flares.

Unfortunately, the flares cause negative thinking. Some of the more common comments I hear from her .... "nobody cares about me", "everyone would be better off if I wasn't around", "I wish God would just take me now and get me out of my misery", "my life is a living hell and I don't see any way out of it except death", "I know that you love me but you are crazy for doing it and putting up with me", "you didn't realize you were marrying a crazy woman, did you", "I hate my life", "a gun would solve all my problems" .... etc.

A lot of these comments hurt. I take my responsibility as husband and father seriously and want to provide an environment where everyone in my home can feel safe, accepted, and loved. The negative comments from my children regarding everything from homework to how they don't like their step-mom (which I feel is anxiety and protective reaction based on loyalty to their mother), then add the negative thinking comments from my wife and I feel like I'm doing a lousy job of being a husband and father. To be honest, it's depressing me. I won't give up on any of them but it is wearing me down.

Thanks again for the kind replies.

Make sure you take time to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. This illness is hard on everyone not just the one who is ill.

This is a letter from a healthy person to people with fibro. Maybe you might find this helpful.

I am a spouse of someone with fibro......... by the (late) Donna Euteneier from Fibrohugs.org
A lot of times we as family members, friends, and loved ones are supposed to understand, accept and be sympathetic to someone who has an illness..... and I agree with this statement, but only when we are given information, understanding and support ourselves.
Fibro does not just affect the person who has it.... fibro affects the whole family..... it steals away all of our lives. I have watched, broken hearted, as Ken has packed away his dreams and hopes for the future.... but along with those dreams and hopes were mine also. Just as you have come to realize that your life has changed forever so must we....... and we have to be allowed to morn that loss also.
We become angry and depressed just as you do...... we struggle with KNOWING that you are sick, to being angry that you are sick....... not at you but at the illness. Then we become angry at ourselves for feeling selfish and thinking of ourselves.... thinking of the added stress on our lives... the added responsibility.... the added guilt.
We have gone from a 50% partnership in this marriage, this family, this life, to sometimes feeling like I'm carrying the whole weight of it alone. I have to remember that my spouse is sick..... that the illness has taken that away and sometimes I'm lonely, scared, and extremely sad at the loss of what was....... but I also know in my heart that I love my husband more than life itself and TOGETHER we will find our way.
You have to talk to us.... you have to let us know how you're feeling, what you're feeling, and how it's affecting your day........ your life. If you don't talk to us we will never understand how you are feeling and we will assume that everything is as it should be.... thus expect from you what we have always expected.
I need to be able to say it's "okay" when your angry and hurting........ but it has to be "okay" when I am also. We both have to stop and look at what's going on in our lives at the time....... just as you get angry and lash out sometimes...... so do we.
So will we really ever understand what you're going through? ......No! Will you ever really understand what we are going through? ......No! But if each of us gives each other the time, love, and patience to find our own way in dealing with and accepting what fibro has taken from us, I think our relationships may be a lot better.
I hope with your challenge that you wanted to hear the truth...... and that is what I offer in this.... how we feel as Spouses.

communication is everything in a relationship.

Sending Hugs and Prayers that everything works out with your wife.


Sending Hugs and Prayers for you and your family.
Mary

Everyone here had great advice. Like Segulley mentioned, light massage may be helpful Even though it may hurt a bit, when you massage those painful muscles, it releases natural endorphins that can be helpful for a couple of hours.

It sounds like your wife is just at her wit's end. I had a point in time where I felt like I wanted to drive my car into a tree just to put me out of my pain. I knew I was never going to go through it, but I wanted the pain to stop.

Have you suggested that she come here for advice and support? She really needs to talk to others that are going through this crazy illness. Pain can lead to depression. It's often not a bipolar thing.

As for the blended family thing and stress......yep, that could be huge! I was only married for 2 months when this illness hit me. I moved in with him and his 4 kids. The stress made my pain much, much worse. I don't know the exact situation, but one contentious issue was that my husband was not a strong advocate of me in front of his kids. It became a festering, silent killer for me. It led me to feel like I was an unwelcome element in my own home. Have you offered to go to your wife's therapy session once in awhile? Would she welcome it?

I think it could be HUGELY helpful to have your wife come here for some additional support. I think it's great that you're trying to help her. Oh, one more thing.....My now ex husband kept insisting that I go on antidepressants. He was convinced that this was all a mental issue, not a physical one. That actually made the whole situation worse. He wouldn't stop insisting that I go on them. So tread lightly with this whole bipolar thing. There's no shame in having a mental illness, but when you know it's a real pain thing and not a brain chemistry one, it makes you crazy if someone insists it's all in the mind. I did end up trying Cymbalta but it ended up making things worse and my doc said that antidepressants were not the right avenue for me.

I found that 5-HTP helped my pain dramatically by enabling me to get that elusive stage 4 sleep. It helps your body produce serotonin. Segulley gave you the link to learn more about that. It's well worth your time to view it.

Hugs to you and your wife.

There are days that it is just so hard to have this on our shoulders...you sound like you have broad shoulders that carry many real concerns, tough problems daily.

I grew up in a home severely impacted by mental illness. My Mom had schizophrenia/manic depression. Suicide attempts were frequent...my Mom wanted to be out of pain. Some of my siblings have bipolar disease that hit them in their 30's, they have struggled with this condition and other physical conditions that led them to being on full-time disability. My story was a bit different, I got seriously ill in my 40's, it revealed many chronic illnesses, medication and surgical procedures. I suffer with depression as a secondary condition from being sick and in pain all the time. It is managed with lots of rest, frequent naps, but no anti-depressants. I had problems with things like Cymbalta and many others...went from feeling sad about being so sick, watching my former active life slip further and further away to having terrible side-effects with anti-depressants. In my case I am able to do pretty well by staying in a very simplified thought pattern, I accept my life exactly as it is, I live in the moment, I do things in degrees and so on...not pushing, stopping work (long advised by my doctors) has made a huge difference in my mental outlook. I am not wrapped in emotion from the stress of doing too much...my flares were much worse, because I was so stressed about project deadlines, the huge workload, trying to do more than what was possible.

I have a big heart for all you are going through. I am not a diagnostician and again (previous post) know that you need a doctor to address these concerns. It is heartbreaking and scary to hear what your wife is expressing. She is ill, overwhelmed and needs serious care to help manage these symptoms. It sounds like some form of depression has her in its grip...based on what she is saying, beyond the physical pain of chronic illness. Sometimes it is hard to separate the physical, from a simple release of anguish in what she is saying (based on the level of physical pain) and a more direct pervasive problem of mental illness. Is her therapist a psychologist or a psychiatrist? She may need a psychiatrist to determine what is going on with her. I take all that she is saying very seriously, with prayer and contemplation...I used to lie awake at night like my other siblings afraid that Mom would not make it through the night. We would stand watch, afraid to sleep. It is a heavy burden for the whole family. With chronic illness, I have experienced depression, have thought it would be easier to just not wake up at times, but still had a strong desire to live throughout. Based on our family history, I watched my depression along with the physical pain so that I would reach out for care/counsel, meds when needed. With other deeper symptoms sometimes it is beyond being able to separate the difference...wanting to live, finding ways to manage our painful chronic conditions and actively stating that one's life is unbearable with frequent remarks about death.

You know her and have some idea the level of her condition, changes that indicate something new, requiring a different approach and additional treatment.

You mentioned the times where she can clean with gusto, overshop...changes in her outlook, a preoccupation with death...my Mom would stay up for days, baking, cleaning the house from top to bottom...when she would bake it would be over the top amounts of cookies, sweet rolls, enough to feed us, the church and the kids at school...she was so happy, to the point of giddiness, she could not sleep during this time, roaming the house, playing the piano for hours...there's more, but during a manic crash, she could not get out of bed, stop crying, slept all the time, could not manage any hygiene at all, her hair and body suffered from the neglect, she did not eat...this was not an inability to shower for a day or two, this would turn into weeks. Sometimes she bought and hid things in the attic...stockpiling items. We were a big family on a very limited income. The day my Dad found the things in the attic was the first time I saw him weep. He was a strong man, but it was a lot to deal with...his beautiful intelligent capable bride who was an honors student is college, received her degree, his sweetheart was very sick.

I'm not sharing to scare you...to make you imagine that things are either worse or better than they are. I want you to know that she is not alone, you are not alone...I want you to know that without proper diagnosis it is too soon to know what the situation is. Your gut knows she needs more in-depth help at this time and so do you.

There is an added component because you have children in the home. They sound like busy, noisy, active teens who are going through all the signs of adjustment becoming a blended family. They can be allowed to have their opinions as they process and accept and so on in their new environment. But cannot be allowed to disrespect you and/or your wife. Feelings are fine, fighting or aggravating your wife or you, not so much...not at all. They are still kids, but they are also capable of handling things better, stepping up more to help each other and you & your wife.

I'm sticking my nose to far in perhaps....a lot of it is remembering my past and dealing with my own present. I am in prayer and want to encourage you to just do the best you can...my Dad used to keep us really busy with chores, close family involvement, activities, church so we never had time to complain....he was quite the powerhouse if we gave him any nonsense. All he had to do was invoke "the look" and we would straighten up and fly right. There was no over the top punishment required...My last swat was when I was still a toddler and then it was to keep me safe. He managed us with a strong family concept that we all work until the work is done. We worked hard and played hard...and he kept humor strong and alive in our household. He had much on his plate...when the relatives came in and wanted to divvy us up and take us away, he said either come in and help or get out...no one would take his family apart.

Continued prayer and hugs daily...

i do not have bi-polor butiam sure sometime not only i but others may ?? pain is a very depressing reality to live w/ daily can make anyone act & do thing they would normally never do! Try to get her fibro more under control don;t just dp but try & talk to her about what helps her & what doesn't!
plez do not spout off comments like you are always sick or you don't look sick! or when do you ever feel good! iam sure you would never mean to hurt her but these simnmple statements really get "US" w/ fibro as if we are BI_POLOR! i could easlily go bursk on someone! & iam normally a very personible person! maybe she needs a FIBRO group to get involed w/ & have a outlet! again i know you are a very supportive 7 loving husband but unless you live w/this in your body 7 brain everyday you really do not know what its like! & i know it is not easy living w/"US" that doesn't mean she has BI-POLOR! only a dOc can tewll that & i ??? most of them! now adays it is easier for Docs to tape that on anyone forheaD INSTEAD OF SAYING ITS fibro OR I REALLY DON'T KNOW!
PRAYERS & ANGELS TO WATCH & GUUIDE YOU & YOURS