I just turned 36 and sex sucks for me. I married my college sweetheart and he's the only person I've ever had sex with. I was an idiot and wanted to wait until marriage to have sex so we waited. Before we got married I had a very strong libido. We did pretty much everything except intercourse and I would initiate it as much as he did and I really enjoyed it. On our wedding night the sex hurt really bad but I expected that, it was my first time. Unfortunately, it never got better for me. It always hurt no matter what. After a few years I stopped taking the pill because it was killing my libido. It helped a little but I never got back the sexual drive I had before we got married. I've seen three doctors and none of them can find anything physically wrong with me.

Sadly my lack of libido is ruining my married. I'm in marriage counseling now because my hubby said he wanted a divorce. He finally came around and is willing to work on things but if I can't get my sex drive back I'm going to lose him. I know how important sex is to guys. I rejected his advances all the time because I hate sex so much and I pushed him away and rejected him so much he wants to leave me. He feels unloved and I'm not meeting his needs. I feel so bad. I don't turn him down anymore but he can tell it's not good for me and he's not going to stay married to me if he doesn't feel I'm as passionate about him as he is about me.

I don't know what to do. My marriage counselor said it could be self esteem issues or possibly sexual aversion. I think I have ADHD and possibly depression but have never been diagnosed by a doctor. I actually just stopped taking Wellbutrin after being on it for only two weeks because I couldn't stand the side effects. I didn't even give it a chance to start working. I guess I need to see a sex therapist. I'm just terrified I won't ever enjoy sex. I cry when I watch shows like Oprah and hear people talk about their great sex lives. This sounds so dumb but I've seen episodes of the Bunny Ranch show on HBO which is the reality TV show about the women who work at the Bunny Ranch in Las Vegas. I see them in these sexual positions that would cause me serious pain if I tried them. I don't understand how they can have sex all the time and enjoy it. I would never sell my body for money but in a way I'm jealous because I have never enjoyed it like they do. I'm jealous it's so great for my husband and so horrible for me. I just want to know what is wrong and how to fix it! I can't stand it anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm missing out on something that is so amazing for everyone else and I'm worried I will never get to enjoy it and I'm worried my husband will leave me because of it. He pretty tried already but he's giving me a chance to get help and fix the problem. I just don't know what to do. Please help! I don't even know where to start.