Female Sexual Issues Support Group
Sexual dysfunction or sexual malfunction is difficulty during any stage of the sexual act (which includes desire, arousal, orgasm, and resolution) that prevents the individual or couple from enjoying sexual activity. Sexual dysfunction disorders are generally classified into four categories: sexual desire disorders, sexual arousal disorders, orgasm disorders, and sexual...
I just turned 36 and sex sucks for me. I married my college sweetheart and he's the only person I've ever had sex with. I was an idiot and wanted to wait until marriage to have sex so we waited. Before we got married I had a very strong libido. We did pretty much everything except intercourse and I would initiate it as much as he did and I really enjoyed it. On our wedding night the sex hurt really bad but I expected that, it was my first time. Unfortunately, it never got better for me. It always hurt no matter what. After a few years I stopped taking the pill because it was killing my libido. It helped a little but I never got back the sexual drive I had before we got married. I've seen three doctors and none of them can find anything physically wrong with me.
Sadly my lack of libido is ruining my married. I'm in marriage counseling now because my hubby said he wanted a divorce. He finally came around and is willing to work on things but if I can't get my sex drive back I'm going to lose him. I know how important sex is to guys. I rejected his advances all the time because I hate sex so much and I pushed him away and rejected him so much he wants to leave me. He feels unloved and I'm not meeting his needs. I feel so bad. I don't turn him down anymore but he can tell it's not good for me and he's not going to stay married to me if he doesn't feel I'm as passionate about him as he is about me.
I don't know what to do. My marriage counselor said it could be self esteem issues or possibly sexual aversion. I think I have ADHD and possibly depression but have never been diagnosed by a doctor. I actually just stopped taking Wellbutrin after being on it for only two weeks because I couldn't stand the side effects. I didn't even give it a chance to start working. I guess I need to see a sex therapist. I'm just terrified I won't ever enjoy sex. I cry when I watch shows like Oprah and hear people talk about their great sex lives. This sounds so dumb but I've seen episodes of the Bunny Ranch show on HBO which is the reality TV show about the women who work at the Bunny Ranch in Las Vegas. I see them in these sexual positions that would cause me serious pain if I tried them. I don't understand how they can have sex all the time and enjoy it. I would never sell my body for money but in a way I'm jealous because I have never enjoyed it like they do. I'm jealous it's so great for my husband and so horrible for me. I just want to know what is wrong and how to fix it! I can't stand it anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm missing out on something that is so amazing for everyone else and I'm worried I will never get to enjoy it and I'm worried my husband will leave me because of it. He pretty tried already but he's giving me a chance to get help and fix the problem. I just don't know what to do. Please help! I don't even know where to start.
Sadly my lack of libido is ruining my married. I'm in marriage counseling now because my hubby said he wanted a divorce. He finally came around and is willing to work on things but if I can't get my sex drive back I'm going to lose him. I know how important sex is to guys. I rejected his advances all the time because I hate sex so much and I pushed him away and rejected him so much he wants to leave me. He feels unloved and I'm not meeting his needs. I feel so bad. I don't turn him down anymore but he can tell it's not good for me and he's not going to stay married to me if he doesn't feel I'm as passionate about him as he is about me.
I don't know what to do. My marriage counselor said it could be self esteem issues or possibly sexual aversion. I think I have ADHD and possibly depression but have never been diagnosed by a doctor. I actually just stopped taking Wellbutrin after being on it for only two weeks because I couldn't stand the side effects. I didn't even give it a chance to start working. I guess I need to see a sex therapist. I'm just terrified I won't ever enjoy sex. I cry when I watch shows like Oprah and hear people talk about their great sex lives. This sounds so dumb but I've seen episodes of the Bunny Ranch show on HBO which is the reality TV show about the women who work at the Bunny Ranch in Las Vegas. I see them in these sexual positions that would cause me serious pain if I tried them. I don't understand how they can have sex all the time and enjoy it. I would never sell my body for money but in a way I'm jealous because I have never enjoyed it like they do. I'm jealous it's so great for my husband and so horrible for me. I just want to know what is wrong and how to fix it! I can't stand it anymore. It's ruining my life. I feel like I'm missing out on something that is so amazing for everyone else and I'm worried I will never get to enjoy it and I'm worried my husband will leave me because of it. He pretty tried already but he's giving me a chance to get help and fix the problem. I just don't know what to do. Please help! I don't even know where to start.
All he keeps saying is he wants to split up because he has needs & he doesn't think I love him anymore. I do love him but I am so sick of living with the pain, I have a very hard time purposely putting myself in more pain.He totally doesn't understand & can't comprehend that I have had constant back/hip pain for 4 years. Most days I just want to throw in the towel & give up anymore but I am so afraid since I can't work so I have no income (not even SSI or disability) & my Comp case is still on going. To top all that off he has threaten me more then once that if/when we split he will fight for the kids since I can't work, have no income & had become addicted to the pain meds (it doesn't matter to him that I went for help last Jan & went off all of them & switched to all non-narcotic meds). If I couldn't have my kids with me daily it would kill me as they are my life. I truly don't know how I would go on. The depression is bad enough without having to think about that too...
Anyway, I didn't mean to ramble on but I wanted you to know that you are not alone. Even though our situations are different they sound really similar & I wish you all the best. Hopefully you'll find a solution but always know that there are people out there that will listen...
I have my issues with orgasm but I still like having sex just for the closeness. I have never had a vaginal orgasm and have tried to find an answer to no avail. According to studies as many as 70 percent of women admit to having few to no orgasms so I believe many of those women who say how exciting sex is are actually faking it like most women admit doing at some point during sexual encounters. My husband is aware I've never had an orgasm but that doesn't bother him as much as it does me, I've asked him to try a few things but it seems he never puts much effort into it, he always say oh it's useless anyway which can be irritating to me. Neither me nor my husband are very vocal during sex so I don't really feel compelled to fake the noise making. I mostly initiate more than he does until recently when it has gotten more painful do to menopausal dryness.
I guess my question to you would be do you avoid sex because of the pain or lack of interest. If it's just the interest, you could try faking it or having a few drinks to loosen up a bit. If it's painful you could try something to make sure it isn't just dryness, another popular treatment for the dryness is vitamin E suppositories, you can buy them at Amazon for 14.00 enough to last a couple months since someone suggested using only 1/3rd of a suppository each day to keep the messiness down. Some people say they work as good or better than hormone replacement.
I have my issues with orgasm but I still like having sex just for the closeness. I have never had a vaginal orgasm and have tried to find an answer to no avail. According to studies as many as 70 percent of women admit to having few to no orgasms so I believe many of those women who say how exciting sex is are actually faking it like most women admit doing at some point during sexual encounters. My husband is aware I've never had an orgasm but that doesn't bother him as much as it does me, I've asked him to try a few things but it seems he never puts much effort into it, he always say oh it's useless anyway which can be irritating to me. Neither me nor my husband are very vocal during sex so I don't really feel compelled to fake the noise making. I mostly initiate more than he does until recently when it has gotten more painful do to menopausal dryness.
I guess my question to you would be do you avoid sex because of the pain or lack of interest. If it's just the interest, you could try faking it or having a few drinks to loosen up a bit. If it's painful you could try something to make sure it isn't just dryness, another popular treatment for the dryness is vitamin E suppositories, you can buy them at Amazon for 14.00 enough to last a couple months since someone suggested using only 1/3rd of a suppository each day to keep the messiness down. Some people say they work as good or better than hormone replacement.
I have my issues with orgasm but I still like having sex just for the closeness. I have never had a vaginal orgasm and have tried to find an answer to no avail. According to studies as many as 70 percent of women admit to having few to no orgasms so I believe many of those women who say how exciting sex is are actually faking it like most women admit doing at some point during sexual encounters. My husband is aware I've never had an orgasm but that doesn't bother him as much as it does me, I've asked him to try a few things but it seems he never puts much effort into it, he always say oh it's useless anyway which can be irritating to me. Neither me nor my husband are very vocal during sex so I don't really feel compelled to fake the noise making. I mostly initiate more than he does until recently when it has gotten more painful do to menopausal dryness.
I guess my question to you would be do you avoid sex because of the pain or lack of interest. If it's just the interest, you could try faking it or having a few drinks to loosen up a bit. If it's painful you could try something to make sure it isn't just dryness, another popular treatment for the dryness is vitamin E suppositories, you can buy them at Amazon for 14.00 enough to last a couple months since someone suggested using only 1/3rd of a suppository each day to keep the messiness down. Some people say they work as good or better than hormone replacement.
I have my issues with orgasm but I still like having sex just for the closeness. I have never had a vaginal orgasm and have tried to find an answer to no avail. According to studies as many as 70 percent of women admit to having few to no orgasms so I believe many of those women who say how exciting sex is are actually faking it like most women admit doing at some point during sexual encounters. My husband is aware I've never had an orgasm but that doesn't bother him as much as it does me, I've asked him to try a few things but it seems he never puts much effort into it, he always say oh it's useless anyway which can be irritating to me. Neither me nor my husband are very vocal during sex so I don't really feel compelled to fake the noise making. I mostly initiate more than he does until recently when it has gotten more painful do to menopausal dryness.
I guess my question to you would be do you avoid sex because of the pain or lack of interest. If it's just the interest, you could try faking it or having a few drinks to loosen up a bit. If it's painful you could try something to make sure it isn't just dryness, another popular treatment for the dryness is vitamin E suppositories, you can buy them at Amazon for 14.00 enough to last a couple months since someone suggested using only 1/3rd of a suppository each day to keep the messiness down. Some people say they work as good or better than hormone replacement.
My suggestion is for you to try and relax more and drink a glass of wine before sex. I think you had such a bad experience the first time you can't get past it. Try a little foreplay before, he would love that :)
Deborah :)
secondly you may have vaginismus - as a matter of fact i am sure of it! it is fear of penetration. is it uncomfortable or painful when you use tampons or go to the ob/gyn? it was for me and because of that i wound up being 25 when i finally had sex. somehow i got over it (married with three kids - ha!) and now it never bothers me anymore. i have ADHD and depression as well but not sure that has anything to do with it. Anxiety caused the vaginismus for me so that may be it - ?
here is information on vaginismus:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus
I'm suggesting this perhaps you may have anxiety or performance issues, - sort of like men who can't get an erection. This is reality for women too and it;s very possible this is happening to you.
Learning to relax is the first step and it;s so much easier when you're alone. Good luck, this may help and I truly hope it does!