Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My brother hates me...and has hated me probably since I was a kid. I endured years of mild physical abuses from him and years of him acting like I was born to be some sort of slave to him. Finally this summer when my parents trying to reconcile our hatred of one another by making us ride home form vacation with one another I snapped. He began to pick at me cause I asked if he knew he was driving my boyfriend home who was in the car on the trip with us. He told me I was an idiot or mentally handicapped and just kept saying nasty shit to me about not telling him before this one exit because I thought it was common sense. He was in the car with all his stuff why when his house was on the way home would we go past it to our house...idk. He kept demeaning me until I finally said what I have wanted to say for almost two decades. "Fuck off." Now I have never cursed at my brother. Some deep part of me resents him for feeling so privileged and my parents baby him endlessly even though I'm younger by three years and were both in our twenties. He is nasty to my mom like shes a slave too.(tells her to iron his shirts, make sure his shits washed which i help with, and make sure dinners ready when he wants it) Hes probably a chauvinist or maybe just a plain asshole. I asked him why he hated me and he told me just to shut up. When we got home after this ordeal , with me in tears and have just poured my heart out the whole way home after two decades of struggling with this unprovoked hatred. My father asked him why he hated me. Its not just me who sees it. I have never done anything to him and he treats me like dirt. He told my dad he didnt. Yet he said he doesnt know why he treats me like he does and he recognizes that yeah he treats me badly. He was given the ultimatum to move out or treat me like a human being. He ignored me being alive for the past few months after that incident which i prefer. Fast forward to this week. My parents went on a cruise. I'm home alone with several responsibilities and my brother has one. My mom explained I have to basically run the whole house, medicate the animals, cook and clean because she doesnt trust my brother to do it mind you hes a 24 year old man. I got home from classes today and my brother goes "I've been doing litter all week...your turn." I explained to him I have several other things for the house I have been doing and that one job that's his he should do and he told me no arguments and walked out for work. (I work too and go to classes so its not like he goes to work and I dont so I should have to do it.)
I guess the point of all this was i needed to do a bit of venting before I swallow my pride and go and do the litter on top of a laundry list of other things. I'm sad cause my best friend has a brother whose her bestfriend. They love eachother so much...and my and my brother will never be that way. Hes told me I'm a shame to our family. He's decided i'm his maid and its getting to the point where I might move out against my parents wishes with my boyfriend of five years to get away from him. I dont want to leave my parents or have to work a ton while in school to move out but I know another blowout will force my brother out of the house which I dont think he could survive on his own with who he is. Yet I cant take a moment more of him. I know one day when my parents are gone me and my brother will no longer sustain contact. Its sad. My parents always tell me to try and be friends with him and that i know how he is not to take it personally but after so much rejection i'm at this point where I might erase him from my life when my parents are gone. :(
I guess the point of all this was i needed to do a bit of venting before I swallow my pride and go and do the litter on top of a laundry list of other things. I'm sad cause my best friend has a brother whose her bestfriend. They love eachother so much...and my and my brother will never be that way. Hes told me I'm a shame to our family. He's decided i'm his maid and its getting to the point where I might move out against my parents wishes with my boyfriend of five years to get away from him. I dont want to leave my parents or have to work a ton while in school to move out but I know another blowout will force my brother out of the house which I dont think he could survive on his own with who he is. Yet I cant take a moment more of him. I know one day when my parents are gone me and my brother will no longer sustain contact. Its sad. My parents always tell me to try and be friends with him and that i know how he is not to take it personally but after so much rejection i'm at this point where I might erase him from my life when my parents are gone. :(
My brother and I have this similar situation. My brother is an abuser, point blank. My parents don't want to see that. I've been affected to the point that I am sick, diagnosed with ptsd. Really? It can't get any worse than that. I defended myself so much from him that words were not enough and never appreciated or heard. Now, its like so have no other choice but to want to want to live.
God talks about restoration and reconciliation in His Word. My faith may be distorted but this time, I know that it will take more than just a prayer for healing. Family used to be the most important thing in my life; now, it's my life.
It doesn't sound like he has ever had to pay the consequence's and feels he can control people by threatening to leave or throw insults around. That is not OK and is unacceptable. Something I feel you and your folks should think about doing is seeing a counselor and learn some ways to help you through all this.
Your folks or yourself can't change him and none of you should feel guilty if he is told that he has to leave and start making a life on his own because he is going to have to do this at some point. Call it tough love but the way I see it nobody can stop him from doing exactly what he wants to do so I strongly recommend he is told to move out and see how things go. In the meantime your folks I believe would benefit if they had a counselor help them through all this because it isn't easy when it is your child.
As for you and your brother well I don't know what the future will bring but I do know that your brother should get checked out by a medical doctor as well because who knows he may be suffering from a mental illness or a chemical imbalance so those are things that should be checked out. In the meantime I think you need to stay away from him as much as possible for now. When you are around him and he begins to act this way let him know you can't speak to him unless it is with respect otherwise he will no longer be acknowledged.
And make sure if you say those words you stick to them. Do not let him disrupt your life or your days. Walk away from him like he is not there. Do not tell him what to do or what not to do. And do not hang out with him under any circumstances. You can't control what your folks do but you can control on what you do and how is behavior affects you. In other words he does not exist even if you both are living under the same roof.
If this gets to be to stressful and things do not change then I think you should move out. It sounds like the relationship has never been good but without taking some action it will only get worse. I know it is terribly hard and I can understand the sadness and even the anger you are feeling but the realty is that you have to seek your happiness in your life and that might mean cutting all ties with your brother as he may never change.
If he does decide to get help and you see actual proof for the better that is great but if he does not you have to carry on with your life and make it the best you can because life is so very short. What ever you decide to do I wish u the very best and most of all happiness in your life:)
most evil people have no conscience at all. does your brother also kill animals or rape small children or make passes at other people's wives or girlfriends or men? people without conscience generally have a verrrry long list of what they do. they will never stop. if every bone was broken in their body, i still don't think they would stop. they would only get better at covering it up.
your parents should downsize to a smaller house. you and your brother can get your own homes. all you need is 3 percent down to get a house, condo or coop and two years working somewhere. a general rule of thumb is if your credit is not great, you can afford a house that is 3 times whatever you (gross) make in one year. for your brother, military may make him into something better.
if your parents get a very tiny house with no additional bedrooms, they shouldn't have to worry about your brother showing up again.
i have an evil step sister and step brother who bully. they do their bullying behind my back as a kid. nowadays they show up every few years even though we haven't been related for 30 years. its ridiculous. the brother "poisons" people for entertainment and gives out poison urging people to poison people including me. he says he can't stop. and its always the same reason, no one stopped him growing up. he never went to jail. so now he is over 40 and he can't stop, he also can not longer blame his "youth" for the reason he does what he does. he's an old man and he's still like this.
your brother is a jerk, by the way.
my therapist she gets joy out of her son and i said then my mom really lost her marbles she needs to get enjoyment somewhere else and not my brother. she needs to learn to make herself happy not her kids not our job to do so
my therapist she gets joy out of her son and i said then my mom really lost her marbles she needs to get enjoyment somewhere else and not my brother. she needs to learn to make herself happy not her kids not our job to do so
my therapist she gets joy out of her son and i said then my mom really lost her marbles she needs to get enjoyment somewhere else and not my brother. she needs to learn to make herself happy not her kids not our job to do so
my therapist she gets joy out of her son and i said then my mom really lost her marbles she needs to get enjoyment somewhere else and not my brother. she needs to learn to make herself happy not her kids not our job to do so
my therapist she gets joy out of her son and i said then my mom really lost her marbles she needs to get enjoyment somewhere else and not my brother. she needs to learn to make herself happy not her kids not our job to do so