Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Hi everyone. I hope you can help me get my thinking/feeling straight, because I just feel so terrible, and so disregarded.
There is a long history of tension between me and my sister. She is not a very loving or giving person, but she "puts it on" and gets people to think of her as a nice and reasonable person.
She lives overseas (her choice) and every time she visits, usually for a month or more, everything has to stop including vacations, etc. because she is here and expects everything to revolve around her visit.
I have two grandchildren, 9 months and 2 years. This is an exciting Christmas for me and I have been preparing for over a month now. Its especially exciting since my 2 year old granddaughter will now be really into Christmas morning!
My sister never, ever comes to visit for Christmas - she always puts her inlaw family ahead of her own. But we are used to that. But this year she even asked us not to have Christmas until after the 27th of December, when she comes so that her daughter who is 16 can have "Christmas day" with her Canadian family.
I am sickened that she would even suggest that we all put our Christmas on hold, as though that day should not be important to us. Especially me...I would never ask anyone to do that, especially since she has never sacrificed anyone else's feelings for the feelings of her own family here.
I am so depressed, because my children don't see the pattern of selfishness. If I say anything, I am always "over reacting". I would never in my life put my children's special times on hold for someone else, no matter who it was. Not even my own children care how much this request upsets me.
As usual, I feel like I'm a loser. Is it really possible that no one understands how this would feel to me? I was planning to have a mini Christmas with a super nice dinner for my sister and her daughter when she arrives. But I would never consider skipping Christmas day for us - and I would never ever ask anyone to do this unless there was something really serious like god forbid a death or illness.
How do you guys see this? Thanks for helping me out.
There is a long history of tension between me and my sister. She is not a very loving or giving person, but she "puts it on" and gets people to think of her as a nice and reasonable person.
She lives overseas (her choice) and every time she visits, usually for a month or more, everything has to stop including vacations, etc. because she is here and expects everything to revolve around her visit.
I have two grandchildren, 9 months and 2 years. This is an exciting Christmas for me and I have been preparing for over a month now. Its especially exciting since my 2 year old granddaughter will now be really into Christmas morning!
My sister never, ever comes to visit for Christmas - she always puts her inlaw family ahead of her own. But we are used to that. But this year she even asked us not to have Christmas until after the 27th of December, when she comes so that her daughter who is 16 can have "Christmas day" with her Canadian family.
I am sickened that she would even suggest that we all put our Christmas on hold, as though that day should not be important to us. Especially me...I would never ask anyone to do that, especially since she has never sacrificed anyone else's feelings for the feelings of her own family here.
I am so depressed, because my children don't see the pattern of selfishness. If I say anything, I am always "over reacting". I would never in my life put my children's special times on hold for someone else, no matter who it was. Not even my own children care how much this request upsets me.
As usual, I feel like I'm a loser. Is it really possible that no one understands how this would feel to me? I was planning to have a mini Christmas with a super nice dinner for my sister and her daughter when she arrives. But I would never consider skipping Christmas day for us - and I would never ever ask anyone to do this unless there was something really serious like god forbid a death or illness.
How do you guys see this? Thanks for helping me out.
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Good Thursday to you!I've been watching a really long trial on Youtube these last couple of nights and will finish tomorrowHopefully I'll be in the land of nod soon and I hope my peeps are having sweet dreams followed by a great daySending hugs...xo
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
It does sound like some of this is for her daughter... She's traveling from a great distance in order for her and her family to celebrate Christmas with her family... This must be costing her thousands of dollars unless she flies for free... She wants her child/family to know how she celebrated Christmas when at 'home'
I wouldn't want to 'put off' Christmas for the kids either... If it's at all related to religion well I think no one really believes that this is when Christ was born just a date chosen to celebrate his birth
However maybe you could have a smaller simpler meal for Christmas and save a gift or two until your sister and her family arrived...
I think anyone who travelled all this way just to see her family would want her family to be available to see her... She's coming here to see you guys
Again I'm playing devils' advocate... Is anything I've written wrong?...
Welcome to DS... This is a really great site.... Big hug for you and a blessing...x
I am sickened that she would ask us all to put off our long awaited Christmas altogether, without understanding how important that is to me at this time of my life.
She always gets everything she wants and doesn't stop to step back and care about how other people will feel. She lives where she does of her own choice....it was a great opportunity to have an expensive lifestyle. Why should everyone else cater to her? She never gives up anything for the rest of her "loved ones". For instance, in 25 years she has not one single time been here for either of her niece or nephew's birthdays. Yet she claims she loves them like her own.
My advice is to take turns. You travel there next year.
Thanks everyone. Its a long bad history, this is just the latest in a long string of self serving behaviour that I've had to put up with so I understand if it doesn't seem to be such a big deal as what I am feeling.
Its good to talk ...
If you ever travel a long distance to see them, I hope that they aren't as inflexible as you're being.
If you don't want your sister there because you don't like her and don't want to be around her, then be honest about it.
Otherwise, change the day for the big meal 48 hours. What's Christmas about? Family? Togetherness? The kids are 9 months and 2 years...they wouldn't know the difference if you changed it by two weeks.
My ex took a job across the country, he asked about coming back and seeing the kids for Christmas. If he does, we may delay our Christmas here for a week. My kids are 13 and 15, and DO know the difference. Yes, that will mean that I'll be alone for Christmas...so what. There are more important things that my wishes. Beyond all of the toys and decorations...that's what I want my kids to learn.
Save all the family stuff for December 27th
It will probably work out for the best because the kids will have a full day to really appreciate the presents from Santa. A whole 2 days to play with them before the family lavishes more gifts upon them at the family party.
But why get sickened about it... unless you feel pressured to give in? Just say that you are not going to cancel and reschedule Christmas to suit her!
May I ask WHY she's flying then? Why not a few days before??? I have a feeling it's her passive aggressive tactics???
Yeah- just say, "Sorry Sis." and be done with it! : )
When does her own family come first, if ever? Never did, not ever.
But my kids let it slide off their backs. I don't. I don't forget the loneliness WE had without ANYONE from my own family. We got on with it. And it was good eventually - my home became a mecca for friends who had little or no one, and it was good.
I can't stand self serving people. I'm 60 years old, I've had enough of the bullshit in life, and I'd rather be rid of "too little, too late" now and just live in peace.
It would break your heart to hear some of the awful and selfish things she says and does. It is hard to finally come to a place where I've had to realize there will never be real closeness, giving, love, caring in this relationship.
Sometimes you have to cut your losses and move on. Its super hard to do. I guess it's easier when you've had enough.
xxx
My own kids don't like what she has asked but they always give her the benefit of the doubt. I wish they would care more about my feelings and not be so non-chalant just because its Auntie, and well, "what can you do"?
It would be nice if someone would take the initiative and say something like "Auntie, we will certainly celebrate when you come, but absolutely we are not going to "hold" Christmas day when you know how HUGE this is for Mom".
And I wouldn't even expect them to just ask "and BTW where the hell were you when MOM was missing you year after year at Christmas??"