Family Issues Support Group

Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.

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Living with teen parents

HappyNonie
HappyNonie
I am a single mother living with and supporting my teen daughter as well as her boyfriend (both are almost 18) and the baby who is now 6 months old. I have tried everything to get them to help around the house and it just doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere.

At first I just asked for help when I needed it or asked them to clean up after themselves. I'm not asking them to clean up after me but there are 3 of them and only 1 of me so they make alot more mess. They do their own laundry so I'm happy about that and I don't nag about the bedrooms. Mostly its just the living room and kitchen - dishes, floor, stove etc... I have created a set of rules/chores that they need to do and also gave them the list of priviliges they can lose if they don't do it. They lost the internet this week but now he is gone to his mother's for spring break and dd left to go visit a friend for a couple days (baby is with her). So I am home alone and have had to do alot of cleaning just so I can tolerate being in the house. They will continue to have no internet when they get home but I'm really sick of living in their mess.

Short of running away I don't know what else to do. I'm tired of nagging them and seriously I'm not asking alot. Keep the living room picked up, don't leave dirty dishes and food lying around, no diapers lying around, do your dishes and clean up the kitchen when you're done. I was away on vacation for a week and a half and they did nothing. Then it was so bad I think they were overwhelmed... and honestly he does nothing. I just want them out and my house and sanity back.
annieheart
annieheart
I have a simular situation.But my daughter is a few years older.I am able to insist they are on their own.Now its just amatter of finding their own place.Of course its once were out your not going to see your grandson.hes 2 and so atached to all of us.My therapist said something to me that is true,I can not be the glue that keeps them together.Do not let them play house in your house.He needs to stay at his parents house.I would worry about becoming a grandparent again.Its tuff on you you love your daughter and grand baby.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I guess if they're not responding to requests, they may have to feel the pain before they respond! I think you're right to take away the internet, and you may have to think of other creative things to make them step up. I've heard of some really interesting approaches, although they sound like you have to allow things to get a little worse before they get better. Like, have your own set of dishes that you use, wash, and keep to yourself. Eventually they will need to wash their own things or they won't have anything to use! Or, pick up the dirty dishes and diapers and place them on their bed or pillow. If they complain, tell them that's how you disrespected you feel. I would think if their environment becomes unpleasant for them they will be more motivated to find their own place!
amzgrace
amzgrace
Been in your shoes except the bf living with me(that would of got me jail time). My daughter came to me soon after the baby was born because I got sick of running back and forth to his house ect.. and she said she made a decision to go stay with his mom and him. That was 6 years ago, he is still jobless living at his mom's (his mom just told me if he doesn't get out she's going to have the police remove him) and in August my daughter decided she wanted to go AWAY to college. 2 hours away!
She left her son behind!! I agree with #1 don't let them play house in your house!! I personally am pretty much done helping my kids, they need to grow up, it is my beautiful grandson I worry the most about!!
Good Luck!
HappyNonie
HappyNonie
I talked to dd the other day and she said they have decided this summer they are going to go live near his mom (6 hrs from me) but getting their own place. His mom remarried and has loads of money and has offered to help them with rent/bills the first few months till they get on their feet. I don't see how that will work though because he still has to go back to school for 1/2 a year and dd wants to go back too. Also she hates his mom; they are just going for the money and I don't know how long that will last. But they will both be 18 yrs old and I can't stop them.

I know dd is a good mom and takes good care of her son. I'm only concerned that the responsibility of keeping her own house will be too much and she'll have child protection down her back cause her place is going to be an absolute pig-sty. Maybe a warning from someone in authority will bring her to her senses.

Whatever they decide it is out of my hands.While they are here I will continue to nag, coach, threaten... whatever it takes and she will get plenty of warnings about how this failure to do basic housekeeping won't fly in her own place either. A couple as young as them on their own will be watched and reported if they aren't careful.
deleted_user
deleted_user
me myself i am 19 i was gonna be a mommy as well and i do live with my fiance and his mom i sadly lost my baby 2 weeks ago but his mom asks us to keep the living room and kitchen clean liek doing our own dishes and cleaning stove and counters if we mess it up stuff like that what makes us do it is that i got sick of her naging lol but u gotta put it this way to them i am one person and u r three clean up after yourself and if u dont start to do it with in so many weeks or days then ur out that always worked with us

ggod luck
jessica
p.s i know its harsh but hey gets them thinking what if she is 4 real now his mom idk if she ment it or not but i didnt wanna find out lol
Laurascott1309
Laurascott1309
I am 15 and have two babies myself. I don’t have a bf but find it really hard to look after my babies, do homework, go to school, do revision and tidy up sometimes so be hard on them if they aren’t making the effort but maybe ask your daughter if she is struggling? She may feel you will react badly and tell her it is her fault for getting pregnant if she asks for help.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Laura this post is from 2010..... xo
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