Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
sorry all this may be long.
i'm going through a divorce. i got married last january. separated in april and in the divorce process now. i'm in my mid-30s and had a very successful (yet very high-stress) career in financial services. my husband was slightly older (early 40s) and we had been planning on TTC shortly after our wedding. obviously, that didn't happen, but in preparation for having a family i went back to school to become a teacher.
i live in a state that makes it next to impossible for career changers to education to succeed. it is what it is and it sucks that my state doesn't value people who have worked hard their whole lives but ... eh... it's government for ya ;) . meanwhile, i have been able to eek out my moderate special needs license and am hoping to add my general education elementary license to make myself more marketable. in this whole process, i have separated and am nearing divorce of my husband.
unfortunately, i had to go back to college full time to get just my MSN license. that said, i've had to move back in with my parents. i've been applying to jobs like crazy and airing my frustrations to my parents about getting my general education license. meanwhile, i have a few leads within special education but they are in the most affluent towns in my state. i live in more of a working class town.
my problem? my mother has been discouraging my efforts with my job search. she has been telling me that i'm applying to "reach" districts and that i shouldn't get discouraged when they don't hire me. well um... hello... it's pretty discouraging when you're telling your 34 year old daughter that she won't get hired in certain districts because they are a "reach".... it's been awful. we just had a big blowout fight and i want to run as far and as fast away as i can... but i have no where else to go.
i told her i felt invalidated when she said teh things she did and she countered with, "no you're wrong! i'm not invalidating you!" WTF!!!!! so you're telling me how i feel is wrong? sorry i don't know what i need advice with... i'm just feeling isolated, and wanting to get away....
i'm going through a divorce. i got married last january. separated in april and in the divorce process now. i'm in my mid-30s and had a very successful (yet very high-stress) career in financial services. my husband was slightly older (early 40s) and we had been planning on TTC shortly after our wedding. obviously, that didn't happen, but in preparation for having a family i went back to school to become a teacher.
i live in a state that makes it next to impossible for career changers to education to succeed. it is what it is and it sucks that my state doesn't value people who have worked hard their whole lives but ... eh... it's government for ya ;) . meanwhile, i have been able to eek out my moderate special needs license and am hoping to add my general education elementary license to make myself more marketable. in this whole process, i have separated and am nearing divorce of my husband.
unfortunately, i had to go back to college full time to get just my MSN license. that said, i've had to move back in with my parents. i've been applying to jobs like crazy and airing my frustrations to my parents about getting my general education license. meanwhile, i have a few leads within special education but they are in the most affluent towns in my state. i live in more of a working class town.
my problem? my mother has been discouraging my efforts with my job search. she has been telling me that i'm applying to "reach" districts and that i shouldn't get discouraged when they don't hire me. well um... hello... it's pretty discouraging when you're telling your 34 year old daughter that she won't get hired in certain districts because they are a "reach".... it's been awful. we just had a big blowout fight and i want to run as far and as fast away as i can... but i have no where else to go.
i told her i felt invalidated when she said teh things she did and she countered with, "no you're wrong! i'm not invalidating you!" WTF!!!!! so you're telling me how i feel is wrong? sorry i don't know what i need advice with... i'm just feeling isolated, and wanting to get away....
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grill tonight with charcoal.....turned out good but had some stuff that I had to feed to Belle and Happy because it was grissley. it tasted pretty good and was a perfect mid rare....
I would suggest that you withdraw talking so much to your mom about your plans. She may be relieved to have you back home, but also afraid if you work for more "wealthier districts," that they may pay you more and you will move more quickly. It sounds like your mom is doing what is referred to as sabotage.
Continue on job searching, even in the wealthier districts, and I'm proud of you for all you have done so far and your continued efforts.. YOU GO GIRL!!!! Many hugs.
it's tough because i feel like since i'm living here that is who i naturally would turn to.... also sucks because you should be able to share things like that with your own family and at least expect some level of encouragement.
you are right though - it is sabotage..... ironically, two of my friends happen to live in one of the towns i applied to... they are friends that i formerly worked with in financial services. i've noted several times to my mother that my background alone and my success in business should qualify me for working in more affluent communities as i feel like i can "relate" since i was one of them and even have friends in those communities!!!! she just tells me that they are hiring the best of the best and since i have no work experience, i shouldn't be surprised if i don't get hired. so awful.
considering everythinng else on my plate too... i'm feeling like i'm just getting punched around from all angles...
I say that because your mom feels so strong about you NOT applying in certain areas, and appears to sabotage you when you talk to her about it. So I would be concerned that if an employer called the home from one of those "areas" to leave a message with your mom that you got the job while you were out, that she may not leave you the message.
Make sure you have your own cell phone and that it is the place for employers to call you. Don't give anyone the opportunity to sabotage your efforts. And many hugs again. I care.
Who cares that it's in an affluent district??? That's a good thing, right??? If fact, that's even BETTER!!! You'd prefer to work in a depressed area???
In this economy, I think you should take whatever you can get... for ONE YEAR. You can always apply to other districts while you actually get HIRED by one.
What do you mean by "reach" dist? That they are bad schools and they are "reaching" for you, or that you are "reaching" to get hired by a long shot?
Just because she has a difference of opinion doesn't mean she's invalidating you. She gets to have that as a human and as your mother.
Maybe you are just overly sensitive, given all you've been through, and understandably so.
I'd try to stay calm and talk to her about your feelings about her reactions.
But in the long run, I'd try to stay there as long as you can to get as much $$$ as possible to build a nest egg. It must have been very difficult and you need a soft place to fall. Maybe tell her that.
But I still don't understand the dilemma about the district thing... And I've been teaching for 14 years... Why would switching careers to education be difficult in your state? If you were successful, why did you stop your job? And WHY would you choose to go into education NOW? It's a beast. I'll trade places with you.
Maybe what your mom is doing is trying to direct you toward a broader employment field. How many districts have you applied to? Also are you applying for special ed only or for general ed as well? Education is a very tough field to get a job. Often jobs go to local people first and even within that it can depend on who you know and what you have done for the district. For example subs and student teachers are often choosen first since they have experience with these people. People who live in the town or nearby are chosen next because they live there and may know someone. It's really rare for them to hire someone who would be relocating if there are other applicants.
So maybe mom is trying to get you to understand that you can't just decide that you want to work in a certain city and poof you will get the job. Your experience in finance will do nothing for you in this job search. Especially if this will be a step down in salary because they would worry that you would be dissatisfied. If I were hiring it would be a strike against you since it would indicate you can't stay with one career.
I would look inward and talk to a couselor at your school. Get their advice on where to apply. As I said education is a very competitive job market. There are lots of people vying for very few jobs and it's not always the most qualified who get the job. I know lots of highly qualified education majors who end up working in other fields because of this.
That's not true about the not staying with one career. In fact, they will be IMPRESSED that you want to teach SO much, you are willing to walk away from a lucrative, successful career.
Be confident!!! : D
Use your mom as practice for interviews, lol!
I'm a person who saw some of the behind the scenes hiring because I worked directly with the President and Managing Partner. In this economy, don't limit where you apply. Go for it and apply in all places. You cannot foresee what is happening and the opening that you may fit into.
When I was married and my son was in elementary school, we were living in a very wealthy town, but most teachers were not from there. The crossing guards were volunteer women from the town and thus did live there.
As this has caused a big "blowout" as you said between your mom and you, it's time to stop discussing any of this with her. You already know how she feels and you do as you want. Many, many hugs.
She's just putting me down. The only reason I am here is because I had to quit working full time to go back to school. Believe me, there was no way I could have completed my two 40 hour field placements and student teaching while working. In business, taking your vacation time is frowned upon. I would have had to have taken one day off a week at least just to get the field placements done.
she is a very negative "person" can't even see the light on anything! she said i don't need a job because "everything is paid for." tells me as an adult i need to fend for myself how can you give mix messages?!? my parents couldn't careless about me not ever working there's a servant for them! i am gonna keep as just volunteering until it is time to move out. they say having a job is selfish and trying to gain independence.
Why not just sit Mom down and come clean. That way, she won't be able to say that she was ambushed and betrayed.
Part of growing up is accepting responsibility for your actions. And what you are doing should be applauded... not hid.
I think it would be better steps in the right direction to be honest- not only with yourself for getting the job, but with Mom. Fight for your independence. Make her see that that is not selfish- it's what NORMAL people are supposed to become!