Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am really thinking about calling Child protective services on a family member, but i am concerned about the effects this would cause to the kids and the mother, does anyone know the process of what happens after you call and what happens when the kids are taken? can family visit the kids or can another family member get custody of them? has anyone had any experience or heard about the foster care system? i always hear about kids being abused and horrible things happening in foster care i don't want to take them out of one bad situation and put them in another they are girls so its really a huge consern. I have good reason to call but the mother maybe suicidal and the kids are 5 years apart i do not know if they will be kept together i'm just really scared i really don't want to make things even worst. I know it will be very traumatic for them because they love their mom very much and are attached to her but i really feel like sooner or later something really awful is going to happen if someone does not do something. On a scale from 1 to 10 this situation is at about a 7.5 this is something that will change so many lives my other family members only talk about it and they talk to her about it but after years of drug abuse she is just "not there" any more she just does not understand i think the years of drugs has really damaged her mentally. My family feels it would be a "stab in the back" to call i'm the only one who is really ready to call please give me some advice. Thanks in advance
Everybody needs to be a hero sometimes. Mellody, it looks as if it may be your time. Just be careful.
Please update us as this progresses.
No one stood up for me as a child when I was beaten all the time (and many others on the D.S. board were beaten and abused as children and no one stood up for them) and now I stood up for this child and stopped it. Maybe when this child and her sister grow older, they will stand up for another child. Maybe this child and her sister will talk about it with her cousins and relatives and friends and maybe they will stand up to abuse.
It also put me into PTSD flashbacks for quite a while and that made my two cats work extra hard to help me on that, but they know what to do and do it each time. So I'm grateful for them.
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I forgot to mention that in most states, if you are aware of abuse and do not report it to the authorities, you are as guilty and punishable as the abusers.
I, too, was abused and nobody did squat, including my weak@ss mother. That's why I am SO FRUSTRATED when I see all the red flags for abuse with my students. I am very sensitive to it. So I document it, pass it along and what happens??? Zip. Then, the student's failing classes left and right and HELLO??? They get tested for a learning disability instead of slapping the parents upside the head for F-ing up their kid.
I'm really super condensing the situations, but that's basically it in a nutshell, over and over.
And I HATE it when guidance never asks the kid what's wrong that they're tanking on all their classes... they just force them to stay in their office and hand in their work and put a Band-Aid on the issue. HELLO!!! The kid's failing as a cry for help, and you just silence it by cramming a 70% down their throats.
Or "IF" they ask the kid what's going on, they don't give enough wait time for the kid to say something- they just say, "Is it that..." and fill in the blank with any lame ass suggestion.
Kids who are failing need therapy. Period. They're doing it to get help, and all the school does is try to get their average up to make the school look so great like we're helping the kids.
Can you tell that I'm just a little bit bitter...?
Yes....I would 'start', with the school first! Then take it from there. Play it by ear.
CPS can do a recorded interview over the phone, which is what they did with me, as I was a witness.
If you feel there is abuse, then step up and tell CPS. Why call the school and expect the school to then call CPS for you?
Yes, the schools are busy, but NOW would be the time, with classes not in session.
It's the children who have a handful if they are living an abused life and their parents are on drugs.
It's semantics as to whether she calls the school or CPS--she still dropped the dime on her relatives. So if she's worried about guilt and being the bad guy, she's still the bad guy because she called. An anonymous call to the school gets the authorities involved? Probably not. In today's world hoax calls come into schools. They may relay it, but without someone willing to state their name and take responsibility for their complaint, do you think it goes to the top of the pile or maybe just hits the trash can? Does CPS have the time and resources to go after complaints left with all the schools without a name?
She wants them to get help, but doesn't really want to get involved. She wants to dump it on the school and let them, a third party, notify CPS to handle it. But the school only has a call from a party who probably didn't leave a name.
CPS needs her statement as a witness to the conditions, what she saw involving the children and the mother and father, and this is not the time to hide behind the school. If she wants to really help, it's time to call CPS.
But yeah, calling CPS personally will avoid the middle man and get straight to the issues. Besides, no matter what she does, she'll be dealing with irrationality, so she may as well go big or go home, huh?
I worked as a school social worker. Sometimes families would come in with reports and concerns but were afraid to call. The guidance counselor and I often offered to call with them. We let them know what to expect and various options for reporting. The problem with an anonymous call is that if CPS feels that the call warrants and investigation they may need the person who has called and/ or witnessed the neglect and abuse. However, I was often surprised to find that there were so many reports already on file.
The goal of most CPS workers is to keep the family together. However other family members can be there as a cushion, i.e., maybe mom is not going to face her addictions but aunts, uncles and other family members can offer to take the kids out, have overnight visits etc...
As far as addictions go, most people do not readily accept help unless they can truly see how the addiction has impacted themselves and those around them. They often have a "blind spot" and truly do not see how destructive the addiction is...it takes a skilled drug and alcohol counselor or something really bad to happen for the person to change.
I wish you the best...tough situation
Why did you go through this whole thread when you had no intention of calling yourself. We expended a lot of time trying to help YOU.
I didn't even imagine you were going to put it off on your Aunt--honestly, that's what you did. I thought because you posted, that as a adult, you had the courage to do what was right on your own.
Since your Aunt was strong enough to call, how about you follow her lead and you also step up to call CPS to give additional witness to what you've seen in the past. You start stepping up at your age, because you're an adult and not a child, and you do it for the kids. You don't let your family scare you out of it.
Your Aunt shouldn't be the only one that helps in the family. She stepped in and helped you as a baby by getting help for your Mom. You pay her back as an adult.