I'd put my foot down and say that as his wife, you expect his allegiance to be with you. If he refuses, I'd say that your issue lies more with him and not so much her.

Also, try the codependency board.

Hugs.

I agree with Deli.

Ask your husband how he'd feel if you were just going off on frequent weekend trips alone...

Why aren't you and the kids invited?

I agree that his allegiance should be to you and your children... I would definitely assert myself in this instance... Why would she want to hurt your family??... And why is your husband turning his back on his family?.. Not cool in my mind from what little is written

I can't even begin to understand the dynamics of what's going on here. Apparently, the SIL no longer has a husband? Widow or Divorcee? Does she have some type of financial hold over your husband?

And why would a man, married to you lavish his affections and time on a SIL? By nature, you should have some type of a territorial sense; she's definitely stepping on your side of the street.. I'd kick her to the curb.

Falling out of her good graces suggests more of a financial hold.

PD- I think she's a SIL b/c it's her husband's sister?

I totaly feel you. My sister in law was or still is the same way. I thought it was a bother and sister thing bc i never had siblings. Just honestly i think I will never change unless you speak up and truly say how you feel in a nice sord of way. I will do that tonight with here since she has been living with us for 6 months and its enough. Her attention and manipulation is enough. Good wishes for your guys relationships.

got problems with my partners sister to,inviting my partner over to stay the night knowing i cant go because we have 4 dogs and she won't have our dogs there because of her cats . and we cant afford a dog sitter for me to go.she only lives only 90 minutes away but still wants my partner to stay over instead of there and back in a day.and she knows i'm terrified of being alone at nights. but my partner says i'm controlling if i say i'm not keen.which is something her sister told her i was when she rang today to ask her over . am i wrong to think my partners loyalty should lie with me and she should just go on a day visit.

@Sweetpea- I don't think your fear of being alone should dictate that your partner should come back in one day. He/she should be "allowed" to stay over with family to relax and enjoy the family time, IMHO.

My suggestion? Work on your anxiety so you can stay home alone at night. Or try to find a reasonable dog sitter. I'd think a high schooler would get paid to sleep over with a bunch of dogs for 50 bucks...

How often?

And does she ever come over to your house?

Does he take the kids with him?

Wow, I'd like to thank everyone for your caring advice. To give you an update. I confronted my husband about his sister's behaviors and told home that I was tired of him ignoring them. I am married to a man is afraid to show emotion. When I confronted him, he parked the car got out and walked home. When he arrived home, he refused to discuss the situation with me. I accused his sister of purposefully attempted to take him away from his family on important holidays and family events. I feel that his silence is admittance that this is going on.
He has not had much contact with his sister since I confronted him. However, he will become angry with me for no apparent reason. I believe that it is because of the unresolved issue we have with his sister. In conversation, I made it very clear to him that I expect for us to spend Christmas day together as a family. I am very anxious about the approaching holiday wondering about what new creative excuses she will make to separate us for the holiday
To answer a few questions, my SIL is married to a husband who enjoys controlling others and has one daughter who recently turned 21 years olds. She is a school teacher and her husband is a nurse. Together, they have destroyed my husband's family by ostracizing people from the family who doesn't do what they say do while being over generous to others to maintain their loyalty. As a result,t my husband has siblings he barely speaks to. She hates it when I speak to other members of the family. This is really deep. I did not learn all of this about the family dynamics, but put it together after experiencing her controlling ways. I feel that she is now moving to ostracize me from the family because she realizes she can not control me;.
Because of your encouragement, I feel confident too put my foot down and demand my husband's allegiance.