Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Hello, everyone!
Im 26 years old, I still live by my parents but I would like to move out as soon as possible. My problem is that my mother is very controlling of me and has succesfully managed to make my life miserable in the past. I want to break free. The reason Im writing is the latest event where my mother convinced me to apply for masters studies. I did that, thinking that I could change my mind later. In the mean time, I got the letter from the uni that I was approved, but I decided not to pursue it because I wanted to work to become financially independant. I couldnt find a job with my college, so I decided to get back to my old job that I did while I was studing, but my mother doesnt approve of it. We spend the last 3 days fighting and she keeps pushing her will with complete disregard of my feelings and wishes. Im thinking about applying for that job anyway, but Im afraid of all the agression Ill get from her, in a form of insults etc. Im still trying to get enough courage to do it. I would really appreciate any kind of advice or anything. Thank you! :)
Im 26 years old, I still live by my parents but I would like to move out as soon as possible. My problem is that my mother is very controlling of me and has succesfully managed to make my life miserable in the past. I want to break free. The reason Im writing is the latest event where my mother convinced me to apply for masters studies. I did that, thinking that I could change my mind later. In the mean time, I got the letter from the uni that I was approved, but I decided not to pursue it because I wanted to work to become financially independant. I couldnt find a job with my college, so I decided to get back to my old job that I did while I was studing, but my mother doesnt approve of it. We spend the last 3 days fighting and she keeps pushing her will with complete disregard of my feelings and wishes. Im thinking about applying for that job anyway, but Im afraid of all the agression Ill get from her, in a form of insults etc. Im still trying to get enough courage to do it. I would really appreciate any kind of advice or anything. Thank you! :)
I applied for the masters degree, just so I can move away from home. Hoping that when I move away I will have the freedom to make my own decisions. I paid for it myself. Im not sure if I made the right decision, considering that that is what she wanted me to do anyway. I just couldnt stand that she influences my every decision, so I decided to play along for a while until I move out. I really hope that this would be the solution cause I dont wanna feel like an object anymore.... And it is impossible to explain to her cause in her opinion she just does "whats best for me". Everything has to be her way, I planned to move out on monday, but of course she sabotaged it and planned and organized my moving out. I really hope this will stop once I leave....Do you think this was a bad move?
You want to stop having people telling you what to do. You have to sit down and decide what YOU are going to do. It's called being an adult and breaking away from codependence.
If playing along with your mother makes the moving out process smoother and less anxiety-ridden for you, then by all means, play along. The end result - your being OUT and AWAY from her daily manipulatons of your every move - is what is important. So long as you have a set date in mind, take the steps necessary (even if behind the scenes) to make the move happen, and actually DO IT, I don't believe the means really matters.
I really hope you're able to put this into motion for yourself. It's your life to live, and you only get one go-round. No do-overs. Don't let someone else steal it from you. Good luck!!!
To Sunny- how did your mother 'sabotage' your moving? I think you're not putting your foot down hard enough. She'll try even harder to 'control' you once you move out. I'd seriously put in some boundaries in place for you new residence BEFORE you leave so she's not on your doorstep unannounced. Take some time to figure out some ground rules and tell her. I'd even put them on paper so she can SEE them.
Let us know once you're out! Good luck!
oh really? considering the state where i live hard to get any job even though i have a degree. try reading about AZ's economy. last week, i had an appt with someone at my college (former grad) about career help and she gave some helpful advice. i must be doing something right i am using my connections but i can't rely on them they can't help me most times.
so whatever not my problem if i can't find a job where i live although i do traveling to other cities doesn't mean i am gonna land that job. i apply to jobs daily and don't hear from them had a few calls talked to them but were not what i was looking for yet they told me i don't have the EXPERIENCE. keyword EXPERIENCE even though i volunteer at a library which won't be any job opportunities there....
25% of the population is out of work i guess that makes them leeches since they are still looking for work! i guess that's our fault cuz we still can't find jobs oh that's saying someone getting an unemployment check is a leech/mooching off the gov, right? did u come from planet mars?
25%??? In what universe? Even in the Great Depression, it was only at 25% Where do you get your facts?
I'm saying that there's no reason you can't get a job at Walmart or some other retail store or even do waitressing. I think it's a shame to live at home as an adult with your parents and not have a job. Even babysitting kids in the neighborhood could help.
I think you're being too picky and are finding reasons not to contribute to your household.
I'm from Planet Reality.
I looked it up and Scottsdale, Az is in Maricopa County. The unemployment rate for the county as of 7/2013 is 6.8 percent. See first link below.
The unemployment rate for Scottsdale, AZ the city as of 7/2013 is 5.7 percent. See second link below. The second line below also lists unemployment rates for areas known as Tempe 6.1 percent and Phoenix 7.0 percent.
http://research.stlouisfed.org/fred2/series/AZMARI3URN
https://www.google.com/#q=unemployment+rate+of+Scottsdale%2C+AZ
It became about you when you chimed in about not knowing how to live your life, so I was just trying to say that refusing to work in any way, shape or form is not the best way to get out of the situation.
Your response speaks for itself. Maybe your personality shows during your interviews. I'd work on that. I'd also maybe take them up on any unpaid internships or volunteering. It may not pay, but you said you refuse to give your family money, so at least you could get the experience you say you need.
I guess I'm just a different type of person. There were times in my life where a quarter literally mattered. I was trying to finish school and I was also working odd jobs painting and landscaping. I'd use a pay phone to check my messages to see if I had more work and if there weren't any messages, I was bummed that I wasted that quarter.
Yes, I have a dysfunctional family, but I don't use that as a crutch.
I stopped trying to make sense of your post about 1/3 of the way down- I have difficulty following illogical progressions.
Anyway, I hope both LadyTiger and Sunny find ways to liberate yourselves and get out of your situations. LadyTiger, it must very painful to be in your skin.
Sunny, I'd be wise not to go down LadyTiger's path. This is why you need to find a way out.
Good luck to both of you.
The key to success is to stop blaming others or outside "forces" and to take control of your own life. Only you can do that.
I never got nasty- only honest. If it hurts, then I'm sorry for you, but I'm not owning that it's my fault.
Sunny, some of the posters here have given some good advice; take what you need from it and leave what doesn't apply to you.
PD
I think once you have the enlightenment of WHY you are the you are, you then have the responsibility to change it for the better, or accept the current circumstances.
It can get better. You just have to break free. What's your bachelor's in? What about the masters?
It's easy to get off track on posts. You simply start by posting on track again.