Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Dear all,
I have a two year relationship with my girlfriend now, who has two girls aged 13 & 16. Before she met me her girls were stayin with their auntie and uncle for most of the time as they didn't have children of their own and the mother (my girlfriend) was working hard every day. They took good care of them, school, food,health, etc.
Since my girlfriend moved into with me, I accepted the kids to stay with me. Her auntie and uncle accepted, given I would take good care of them. Which I did in my opinion and theirs.
All was going well, we invite their auntie and uncle to visit us and visa versa whenever they wanted.
Until recently, the uncle passed away. The auntie was devastated and needed someone to stay with her. We agreed the let the children stay with her for a while until she would recover and find comfort of her husband passed away. Knowing what she did in the past for them and their family.
But now 6 months later, still the girls are with her. And the girls are complaining that she sometimes yells at them and has emotional brake downs. We suggested she should look for help (psychologist), but she said she is fine and won't need help.
Last week we agreed that we take the girls for a weekend treat and stayed in a hotel. My girlfriend arranged her auntie's best friend to stay with her during the weekend so she wouldn't be alone. But the next day she got many missed calls from her auntie, asking when the girls are coming back and why we didn't asked her to come with us even when we agreed on it that it was just 4 of us. Also her other aunties, told my girlfriend through messages that she was selfish and should imagine if the same thing (husband passing away) happened to her.
Now it's in such a state each time me and my girlfriend talk about the girls when they should come back and stay with us, she will be in tears and says she don't know what to do because she doesn't want to upset or disrespect her auntie and family. I tell her we should confront her auntie and ask her how she will see the future and what her plans are, especially with the girls. But somehow she is scared of confronting her auntie, because of disrespecting her and knowing how she helped the family in the past when she was in need.
I would like to have your opinion if my above suggestion should work or we should give it more time?
Regards,
YuGi.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Especially if her aunt is having breakdowns and lashing out at the kids.... They have no voice in this.... She needs to speak up I think for her kids and visit and have her aunt over fairly regularly
However I think boundaries are really important
She can be kind to her aunt without giving up her children.....Her children won't forget this time
There's also a good group on here called Healthy Relationships.... I'll put up a link
I hope things work out well.... Big hug
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/healthy-relationships
I take it the aunt doesn't have legal custody and was just helping out your girlfriend, correct? It sounds like she's trying to fill a void her husband left when he passed, but this isn't really healthy for her or the girls.
The fact of the matter is that without legal custody, she can't just keep them indefinitely. It's great to be thankful for her and her help, but your girlfriend is in a place now to care for her kids without that help.
I don't know how to go about taking the girls back gently, but I think your gf needs to put her foot down. Ideally this could be done in a loving way, and would still allow the aunt to see the girls, but at the end of the day they are not her children and should be with their mother. There are so many kids who are not able to go back with their parents after a rough patch. These young ladies deserve that opportunity, I think. I understand that other members of the family are taking sides too, but ultimately it's not their children or their life, so what they say shouldn't matter so much.