Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group
This community is dedicated to parents, siblings, grandparents, other relatives and friends of someone who is Bipolar. The purpose of this community is to help families and friends develop greater patience and understanding, as well as maintain a positive, caring relationships with those diagnosed as Bipolar.
Had a fight with my daughter today. We are fine now. However, I feel like there is NEVER a good time to talk to her about anything serious. It seems like no matter how I approach her she will end up hysterical. Yes, she takes her meds regularly.
I feel that I have to walk on egg shells, wear kid gloves, etc all the time. But sometimes I have to talk to her about serious things. Right now her husband is disable and his short term disability hasn't started coming in yet so I have been helping with their bills. I asked her if they had asked his doctor when he thought he could go back to work because I don't have a lot of money and I need to plan.
She ripped into me. She yelled and screamed at me, threw things etc. Because by my asking her that, apparently, I was saying that she was too stupid to think of it herself. I tried to say, No, I just need to get an idea of when they would be able to pay their own bills. That's all I wanted to know. It turned into me not respecting her, mee being a meddling mother, etc. AND she said that she is sick of me always pointing out taht she is bi-polar. I don't. I have mentioned it ONCE in the past ten years. ONCE. But today she accused me of saying it all the time and then said that I was the one with a mental illness and then told me to F-off.
She later texted she was sorry.
The point is that I don't feel that I can ever say anything to her except, "Isn't the world a beautiful place?" "Everything is just rosey." etc. I feel that any serious conversation makes her hysterical. I babysit for her. I drive her husband to his appointments. I buy them groceries. I help with her house work, etc. But any conversation about serious topics like bills, money, job, disability ending, etc gets turned into me being the bad guy.
I have no right to ask anything about their financial situation except to hand over my debit card.
I feel that I have to walk on egg shells, wear kid gloves, etc all the time. But sometimes I have to talk to her about serious things. Right now her husband is disable and his short term disability hasn't started coming in yet so I have been helping with their bills. I asked her if they had asked his doctor when he thought he could go back to work because I don't have a lot of money and I need to plan.
She ripped into me. She yelled and screamed at me, threw things etc. Because by my asking her that, apparently, I was saying that she was too stupid to think of it herself. I tried to say, No, I just need to get an idea of when they would be able to pay their own bills. That's all I wanted to know. It turned into me not respecting her, mee being a meddling mother, etc. AND she said that she is sick of me always pointing out taht she is bi-polar. I don't. I have mentioned it ONCE in the past ten years. ONCE. But today she accused me of saying it all the time and then said that I was the one with a mental illness and then told me to F-off.
She later texted she was sorry.
The point is that I don't feel that I can ever say anything to her except, "Isn't the world a beautiful place?" "Everything is just rosey." etc. I feel that any serious conversation makes her hysterical. I babysit for her. I drive her husband to his appointments. I buy them groceries. I help with her house work, etc. But any conversation about serious topics like bills, money, job, disability ending, etc gets turned into me being the bad guy.
I have no right to ask anything about their financial situation except to hand over my debit card.
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
From her perspective she needs your help but seems to resent anything more than what she asks for. From your perspective she's taking but still in a child mode - she's not acting like an adult. I expect she also resents being in that child mode too.
Maybe get suggestions for help on the family issues board?
I appreciate she is bipolar, so am I but I don't think this hasn't really anything to do with bipolar - it sounds it's more how she views her relationship with you as her parents and her relationship with money. Both are often emotionally charged topics for "normal people". Combine them and it's a reciepe for dischord.
It may also be down to the way she is - as in personality wise, or a product of stress - bipolar is episodic and unless she is in an episode (for which you would see other more obvious signs) this would be a constant state. Between episodes people with bipolar are like everyone else, just as good, just as bad.
I wish you good luck!
What is this?..."
Maybe get suggestions for help on the family issues board? "
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Family-Issues/support-group
we never stop being parents and while our parents are alive we never stop being children.
I do not understand though why you are so involved with your daughters responsibilities. Seems like she is using and abusing you which is something no one should accept.
Doesn't she have any responsibility to manage her life/illness herself?
I find this comment odd, especially on a site that is supposed to be about support for someone with a mental illness. "Doesn't she have any responsibility to manage her life/illness herself?" While BP may not be an illness that requires constant supervision like Alzheimer's it is a mental illness none the less and if people with a mental illness could manage their illness on their own then they probably wouldn't have a mental illness.
How many times do we see headlines something like this, "Well, I knew she/he was having problems but I didn't think they go on a shooting rampage."? At what point do we step in (or out)? How do we learn how to better communicate with our loved ones? What are techniques others have used in difficult situations? How do we determine if if it is time for a med evaluation? The answers to these would be really helpful.
The problem of mental illness in this country is tragic and the lack of proper care and follow through and the lack of services is deplorable. If our child has a broken leg do we rush it to ER? If our child has diabetes do we continue to feed them sugar? Of course not. When our children have physical ailments we seek answers. But if our child (and an adult with a mental illness deserves our care longer than a healthy child) has a mental illness we expect them to handle their own business?
When I read about your exchange with your daughter, I was struck by how it is so similar to many of the exchanges between me and my daughter...except my daughter has NEVER called back to apologize.
Anyway, I , too have helped and helped financially and in all kinds of other ways. I'm not sure how much I have helped really, by doing that.
Yes, she has an "illness" or something wrong so that she's not as functional as could be desired.
But my resources are so limited and sooner rather than later, I won't be here anymore. Then what will she do?
Anyway, yes, my daughter gets off the phone quickly...always something...I'm eating, someone else is calling, the phone battery is dying, etc. And yes, I'm the one with the mental illness.
It's so hard.