One thing I want to be clear on, I agree people should be held accountable for their actions, I do not agree with the registry, I do not agree with more punishment after someone has completed their sentence, I do not agree with families having to suffer for one’s crime and I believe every one should get a second chance, but for the ones that have not learned from their mistake and would continue to do what is not right, I do not believe in a third chance. I have seen men and women who have completed their time and tried very hard to move on only to be blocked at every turn, but with that said many have stood tall, have more integrity than the ones that are watching over them, and with luck have managed to carve out a new life, job, home etc. Just think what these people could do without all the obstacles in front of them.

"Money yes but I think it is a total waste to deal with the courts when all of these problems are caused by the courts. We need paid activists who have nothing to lose. We will get far more bang for our buck if we focus on grassroots direct action, this is not an issue that will be solved in court because the court is the problem."


Yes it has been caused by the courts and our so called law makers that we voted in, the only thing most people in Politics understand is votes and money, so the money comes in to get their action, just like the same-sex marriage took place, lobbyist to have them change their minds, no I do not trust the courts, but the courts only up hold the law as it is written by the uniformed elite of politics and media and their lobbyist groups, you know if it saves one child it is worth it.

I still think this is the best way for now, you’re not wrong it may take your way, but I know if more would organize it could all change in a few years, so there is part of the problem, cannot get more involved, even a few dollars a month from all of them would be a huge war chest.

I am as tired as you of this mess; I do not know which is the right approach as yet.

"I have no confidence in our legal system anymore and I do not know why anyone who is going through this would disagree with me. Sure legal change is happening but it is at a snails pace and I demand relief NOW."

Yes total relief would be great now, we just need to energize that snail so it will move faster, your way may work faster, it is something to think about.

Fear

i havent found any activist in tenn yet , i tried to write the tenn rsol and they dont respond back . i have written the governor and the senator of tenn . they hadnt contacted me back . .. but i do see somethings changing for some.
i see laws changing, law suits made etc. in other states..maybe tenn is diff they dont care for people . .

stvb,
Fear, yes that is one that I know keeps many people from standing up, the longer you are on the registry the fear subsides you start to realize that change will only come by speaking out, being involved, standing up and saying enough is enough. I noticed a week or so back RSOL is doing a fund raiser the 5000 project, which will go towards lawsuits, but as of a few days ago if the site is correct they only had 66 or so donate, that is part of the problem, I would think that most people could spare $5 for the cause, hell it is just $5, but maybe I am the one who is out of touch, I would think people would be lining up to have a good lawsuit.

hurtingfamily Thanks for the response, maybe call RSOL national and see who handles Tenn.

://www.tennesseevoicesfortruth.webs.com/

I agree, I think we all should stand up and fight. I wish there was a RSOL in Nor Cal that I could join to help. I have contacted the group in So. Cal to volunteer to help with letter writing. Just wish I could do more....

I personally have written my congressmen and wrote our senators to change the laws that do more harm than good for RSO's and their families.

Stvb has a good point. Fear is really the main issue. But it is a collective issue. Rewdiazepam wrote this in another post,

"After 9/11 the majority of the people in this country couldn't wait to give up all the civil rights that once made America great. The American people have so disappointed me; I thought they had more courage than to be so afraid of terroists that they would sacrifice all our freedoms. Little did Bin Laden know that the attack he carried out changed the way we live. He set out to destroy a few buildings, but he destroyed our way of life over here.

I listened to an interview Bin Laden gave before his death. He said he never dreamed that the Americans would be so susceptible to terrorism and that his attack would be so successful in damaging our nation's psyche.

It is one thing to be concerned about terrorism, but another thing to be paralyzed by fear. "

"Paralyzed by fear" is the way most of us react in sex offender cases. There is a term, neuroception, that was coined by a scientist to refer to our perception of whether and environment is safe, dangerous or life-threatening. These perceptions can be radically different from one person to another, based on history and the make-up of that person's nervous system. For example, you go to a scary movie and scream through the whole thing while the guy next to you jokes and laughs.

The nervous system can respond in one of two way: mobilize or immobilize.

Think about how most of us react to dealing with having a sex offender in our family. Do we get up and march on the State house right away? Some might. But I think for the most part, we just get numb. We shutdown. We feel like we're walking on eggshells waiting for the gears of the judicial system to grind...or the knock on the door....or the next rejection...or the next person who sees your picture on the website and bans your children from playing with theirs. Then you have to explain it to your kids....again.

I told someone else tonight that being a family of a sex offender is like being in the soap opera from hell that never gets cancelled. The drama or threat of drama just goes on and on. There are times when it is not so bad, but you can never completely relax.

Living under this kind of oppression makes it very hard to get mobilized. People don't get involved because for the most part, we are just too numb and too scared to draw attention to ourselves because it may cause another drama to unfold. Who wants that? We're too exhausted from holding out our feelers for danger (neuroception) everyday that we can't get ourselves going to do something about it. We are in survival mode. The process makes us feel immobilized.

The other thing is what it does to your assets. My family income dropped 50%. I'm close to retirement age. This is not fun! Many of us are hurting in that way.

When you read this, you may think I am stating the obvious, because people talk about these issues all the time. I think it just never really gets stated in this context, i.e why it is hard to get families of sex offenders to mobilize.

Peekachu,

Thank you for the reply, actually this makes perfect sense, now the next question is how to get people to control their fear, LOL that will be the hard part. I had a discussion with a group tonight at dinner, most are on the registry or someone in their family, we get together every 2 weeks or so, then I have weekly groups that I attend, Fear is always coming up, income next, so far the ones that speak out about it are secure in their jobs, most people around know who they are so they do not worry about that.

Most of the fear for these people come in to play about their children, wife's, husband etc., We have some women on the registry here so we are able to see how it affects people from both sides male and female.

But if they do not mobilize as you know nothing will ever change.

I have no money but sent a few emails to my state congressman for help or advice. Also asking how to go about changing laws like the rediculous mandatory minimums they have on child porn possession (15+yrs) while you can commit armed robbery and do probation! I received a call from thier office from someone just wanting to check me off their checklist who had absolutely no idea what I could do about it! Rediculous! So when they say to write your congressman it's comets BS? Who do you write to? How do we change anything in this country? How do we actually have a say in anything? We do not! We gave no rights! H less we are the rich and privileged and/ or in the congress or a politician

Hi, Buildingup,

Fear is our basic stumbling block, and it is not unrealistic. Being on the registry disrupts our basic family life. Its the not knowing that holds the fear in place. If you do this, will this happen. If you don't do this, who will be hurt. Many things that we took for granted before now have an element of danger to them. Our bodies respond by going into a version of freeze mode. Its completely natural but it keeps us from doing what needs to be done.

I think the ticket might be what is being suggested by Brokenin2pc. The place to start would be with things that are safe. A letter writing campaign to your congressman is safe, even if not as effective as we would like. Self publishing books about stories of families of sex offenders (names and some details changed to protect the innocent) can be safe. What else?

I like that you have a weekly group. We don't have that here. How did that get started? Do you feel safe doing it? Maybe you could talk, instead of about fear, about what makes you feel safe. Once you establish that, what would be the next babystep you could take while still feeling safe.

Fear is not something you can control. It has to be shifted out of. One way to do it is to really examine the things we are afraid of and determine if they are really things we need to be afraid of.

It reminds me of a study I read years ago where dogs were put in a pen with an electric fence. After a trying to go over the fence and getting shocked enough times, the dogs would not go near the fence. Then the electricity was turned off. Even though the dogs could easily have jumped over the fence, none of them did.

If we want to move forward with this, we have to determine which fences have electricity and which ones don't. Those of us who are able, will jump the fence. When its not seen as dangerous by others, they will jump the fence, too.

Now, after all those stories, I have to admit that I, too, see nothing but electric fences at this time, but perhaps your group...or this group will come up with some good ideas that we can all get around and support.

Peek

Personally I believe it is lack of leadership and trust. A typical example is a while back a lawyer wrote on his bog it was time to take the expost facto fight to the supreme court on behalf of the Sex offenders. This got the S O community excited and as a result we had 4 or 5 groups claiming to represent the funding for the challenge. Nothing ever happened because the lawyer was willing but their was no funding because the fundraiseing was such a mess with the various groups fighting each other... The funding was a disaster with these group all not working together and no accountability for the funds raised. I personally talked with the lawyer and all these shady groups were the reason the case did not go forward. To this day we have no idea as to where the funds raised eventually wound up.... What we need is a valid organization and leadership that is ethical.

I know maybe this trite or cliche or just the soup de jour..however...hopefully most of you have heard the term "crowd sourcing"...basically developing a website or youtube video with the ability to donate or contribute to the fund.
Usually it has a stated amount that needs to be raised: let's just say its $5k.
I think a major reason things fail or drop off is because there is no stated objective and no easy way to contribute. We would need some people who are savvy with this..and we would have to decide on a specific goal in mind. It doesn't seem to work when funds get diluted: 5 bucks to North Dakota...10 bucks to Ca ect..
Just my random thought...anybody else?

@ jmjh I agree, resources would be if better use if there was one national campaign to address what the registry does. I think our voices would be a lot louder and contributions would make more of an impact to our cause. However, we need to find someone willing to organize and recruit others in every state. A You Tube video may help to educate, but there needs to be more of a presence in every community in every state in order for us to be effective. I think of the tea party - they are grass roots (although some are REALLY out there), but they have common message.