In this digital age, it is impossible to keep these things quiet.

If people asked, I would just tell them. It is much better for them to hear it from you with the true facts than hear it from some busybody who might add several lies to spice up the story. By telling, you are in control of the dialogue.

After all, you are not ashamed of your son as a person; you are only disappointed for what he did. You DO still love him.

There are a hell of a lot of things worse in this country than a son who looks at some naughty pictures of underage children. Hell, he could be a DA (shudder) who has no problem sending innocent men to prison or a cop (double shudder) who has no problem lying on the witness stand or abusing some innocent citizen.

Your son did not rape anyone, he did not molest a two year old, and he is not a pervert. Hell he did not even touch anyone. All he did was fix his eyes on some pictures. Not exactly the Crime of the Century as far as morality is concerned.

We have to take these things in perspective.

But if nobody asks, I would not advertise it. It is really nobody's business, but yes, I would tell them the truth.

rewdiazepam

rewdiazepam, you are right (as usual). I am very disappointed in him for what he has done, but I will always love him, and there are a hell of a lot of worse things and people in this country.
Up till now I haven't said anything to anyone (I agree, it really is nobody's business). In the last few days, a few friends have asked how he is doing. That's what prompted this post.

Here is the crux of the matter: If you try to keep it hush hush and make excuses and be secretive about it---or even have to lie a little bit---when people ask about your son, many people will think you are ashamed of him.

I know that is not the truth, but people will see it that way.

You love you son unconditionally. Yes, he made a mistake, but that does not mean you should quit loving him. He needs your love and support more than ever. I am sure you are proud of your son, not because he did something foolish, but because he is your flesh and blood. You should be proud.

People cannot see his crime for what is. They cannot take things in perspective. That is what is wrong with this country. We have lost all our common sense and instead of relying on facts to make decisions, we allow emotion to take over.

Keep your chin up, Kitty.

rewdiazepam

I have had people who now treat me differently, and I have no time for them. My extended family and close friends know my son and have been supportive. I have come to the point that I don't need those people in my life because they were not reals friends. I also don't believe anything I read in the newspaper because they got son's wrong and since than other people also. Hang in there and keep your head up. I think this made me a stronger and more compassionate person. I hope you find your inner strength. Don't get wrong there are days I want to stay in bed and cry. But then I remember if I give up so will he and he is still young enough to get his life back and be happy.

Rewdiazepam, I know, that's why I did not lie, I just didn't go in to details. I simply told them that he has been sentenced to 10 years for internet CP. What he has is an illness. When I was a young child I had a friend who's step dad was a pedophile (but no one ever spoke of it). I am trying to look at it this way, anyone who walks away from me because of this was not a true friend to begin with. True friends support each other in their time of need.
I will never ever walk away from my son, he is my son, my youngest, my baby, and I am proud of the way he has been handling this. He knows he screwed up, he has shown remorse, he was going (and hopefully will continue to go) to counseling.

Dealing with any criminal conviction, and especially with the stigma of a sex offense, will knock the Pollyanna out of a person really quick. You learn to deal with reality.

Believe it or not, and I think most of the ladies here will agree, these situations make a person wiser and more able to grasp the meaning of life. Little things like "who is going to take out the trash" or "did you sweep the floor" have little significance and are no longer important. You are able to focus on the things that are really important in life.

Your son will come out of this a better man. He will have seen the best and worst of society. He will understand just how small and mean-spirited some people can be, but it will come at a heavy price---he will lose his innocence.

He will be fine and so will you. Just keep your eyes on the day that this will be over.

rewdiazepam

He does seem to be dealing with the reality of everything. I am trying to keep my eyes on the end of this road we are on, just wish I had an idea when that was going to be.

worriedmompa, I agree, any "friends" who walk away, weren't true friends to begin with. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that he needs me. If I gave up on him. My mother gave up on me years ago so I know how that feels. That just strengthens my resolve to stick by him no matter what. I think I am gonna have to take the attitude that any friend that cannot understand and respect my decision to stand by my son can "bite me".

I honestly feel like its none of their business, and if they find out on their on they find out. I don't feel that you have any responsibility to tell anyone anything. Whenever you feel the need to confide in a friend that you trust is up to you. But don't feel obligated to inform them right away. You could simply say, "he's away" and leave it at that.

I agree with most on here like Shane, it's nobodies business. Most people don't go out of thier way to go looking for information public or not.
Yes indeed you find out who your true friends are pretty quick. One long time friend stooped so low as to broadcast it on FB. He has tried to smear my wife, my business and myself. I hope FB does something as he violated thier terms he also violated the terms of the judiciary page. The rest of our friends have been fairly supportive and understand and grasp what is going on.

shanedenise4 & frogpond1, I have only told 2 people that I have always considered close friends. They are aware of my son's health issues and know that I have been overseeing his care. One friend I'm not sure of, the other (I've known for over 15 years) is sticking around. I have not gone into detail about his charges, and I never will. Any acquaintances that ask, I simply say he moved out.
@ frogpond1, I hope FB bans him and removes his page. I am glad most of your friends have been supportive.

Most of my friends know. I don't make it a secret. Of course if it's somebody new, it might take a little bit to come up, but when it does, they get the full story, usually with my other long-time friends there to back me up

@ faerydark, You are very lucky that you have such good friends. Do you mind if I ask about your SO? Mine is my son, he was very heavily into CP on the internet.

My CP conviction taught me and my wife an important lesson. You never really know who your friends are until you need them. Some that I previously never really thought of as friends were, and still are, fully supportive. Others, that I then thought of as friends turned out not to be. My wife's family was more supportive than my own blood. Many of them have become very close to me while I have no time for many in my own family now.
I see it all, 16 years later, as a life lesson. Just one more in a life of learning what and who are important.

@ coolrich001, you are right. my one sister in law has tried to be supportive (she has a son in a state facility for armed robbery and a few other charges), the rest of his family (we don't talk about it). As for my family, I guess I'm lucky, I've spoken to them twice in the last 8 years, once when my dad died and again when my mom died. Also luckily, they don't live in the same state I do. My other children and their wives are still very angry at my son for what he has done, but they have been very supportive of me. I have one close friend that I know is still a close friend, not sure about anyone else yet.
But like I said in a previous post, anyone who can't deal with the fact that I am stocking by my son, can BITE ME! they were never a true friend to begin with.