Sounds like counseling is a good idea to work through this very personal problem. I'm sure someone can get to the root cause but it's usually hard to drag men to counseling. But, if he won't go, you go and get help in dealing with this situation. Marriage takes hard work and I'm hoping he realizes that it shows strength to ask for help, not weakness. Peace.

Let's be honest, I don't know if this is the case, but it is possible that while he was incarcerated, he himself was sexually traumatized. I pray this didn't happen to your husband but it is certainly possible.

It is also possible he has PTSD from the experience of being in Prison. He has spent many years in confined spaces with men, where true intimacy wasn't possible. Perhaps it's a bit of an adjustment for him (assuming you didn't have conjugal visits).

Let him tell you on his timetable. I do agree therapy will be helpful if not necessary.

Prison affects everyone, even if they themselves are unaware of the change; the change is inevitable.

Some seem to prosper in prison and come out a better man, a more well-rounded person, but some never seem to recover their zest or appreciation for life.

I doubt that one or two years in prison would drastically change a man, but four years probably would.

I also doubt that he experienced any sexual trauma in prison unless he was a very young inmate. I never really saw older inmates experiencing anything like that.

One thing I did notice about inmates is that after they had been in prison for several years, they lost interest in their GF or wife. After a few years, many no longer enjoyed visits from the woman they loved. Many were content with one visit every four or five months. Many also appeared disinterested in talking on the phone with their loved ones.

For some inmates, I think prison dulls a lot of their senses, including the need for sex.

I think much of it is that those in prison no longer have the intimacy they once had. The prison experience has change them so much that they can no longer express their love through physical contact.

The previous poster also mentioned PTSD. Most everyone in prison has some degree of PTSD upon release. PTSD is known to destroy a man's ability to be intimate.

One thing for sure, it is nothing you have done.

Your husband needs to see a therapist and talk this out. Hopefully, he can better understand himself and you two can once again have a worthwhile physical relationship.

rewdiazepam

What about the guys that go in young (22) and have 25 years what can be expected by the time he gets out? At this age hes had no life experience and things will be so different by then. How do these guys usually do?

I can only convey the things I saw in my eight years in prison.

Inmates who enter prison at a young age are more susceptible to the negative influences of prison than those that enter at an older age. Unfortunately, a prison environment is not a favorable place for a young man who may be somewhat immature and who has not yet developed positive core principles.

It is for this very reason that I am against long sentences given to very young offenders unless the crime was violent in nature.

Feelinghelpless, your son went to prison at a young age but he is not a violent person and I would not expect prison to change him into one. He is a passive person and I would not expect that to change.

I do think by the time of his release, he will have mellowed out a lot. Most of the older inmates I observed were fairly laid back after they had been in prison for several years. Some became very wise, some were passive, and some were just old and worn out.

The problem with your son is that he will have missed out so much in life. The values and experiences that he should have learned in his early twenties and his ability to grow as a human being will be hampered by his lengthy sentence.

His life skills will have been diminished or missing-----the ability to find suitable employment, the ability for intimacy, the ability to bond with other humans, etc.----will all be missing. These are the things he will need to work on upon his release.

Many who have been in prison for long periods of time have lost their desire or zest for life outside the prison walls. After all, so much time and energy is spent surviving in prison that thoughts of the outside world become less and less.

But his behavior by the time he is released will depend much on the types of people he hangs out with in prison. If he finds some positive people to be friend with, he will do OK upon his release.

I think he will do OK, but he will probably need some therapy to deal with the outside world once he is released. Actually, it probably would be a good idea if every inmate who was in prison for a few years could talk to a therapist a few times.

rewdiazepam