There are several UK folks on here... you just start a thread and they'll come out of the background... :)

The US isn't called the incarceration nation for nothing, we expect to see other countries that are lighter in their sentencing practices because the statistics also say that fact. So don't feel bad that your husband got 9 months and that is less than people on here... 9 months is a long time no matter how you slice it.

You can start a group right here on Daily Strength, and you can post in here to find the UK folks that are lurking here. I have no issues with that... Otherwise you can just start a topic and I know that there will be support here and fellow Brits to chat with.

Hi Phoenixmumm I am in the UK although my son is in USA with a 30yr sentence l.
Like you wrote this forum has been such a support of strength and care for me but I have asked a few times if there are any people in the UK wanting to start a group for SOs as there seems to be almost no help and with the current hunt extended by the Saville case and subsequent arrests of historic offences there must be many other mothers/families that may find some more local support.
I am willing to start/help in anyway so please get in touch.

Thanks wisconsinrsol, I'm going to see what's about first I think. It's difficult to believe, but I actually think this may be the only group about! I certainly can't find anything else...

andyweston - I think there's a need for a uk forum where wives/partners/parents of SO can go for help from the point when their loved one is first arrested. The only official 'support' I had wasn't support at all - a thorough grilling from social services. There was no information anywhere on what the process of arrest/bail/court was going to be like & no support with dealing with social services. I was just left to get on with things! Now luckily, I'm pretty resilient & capable of working things out for myself, but not everyone is like that. It's a scary process, especially if, like me, you have had no dealings with the criminal justice system before. I looked online, and with the exception of this group, found nothing but negativity, judgement and prejudice...

Yes indeed, plus dealing with his colleagues both work and social was terrible after the nightmare of police coming to my house early morning when I was already in shock of his arrest, on my own and like many had never before any dealings withe the law other than the odd parking ticket! So finding an attorney and the money required up front with no idea of foreign procedures was so hard . No help from the consulate (that is another story !) and though Prisoners abroad have sent things to my son they do not get involved on the legal side so I was out in the cold .....on my own very scary for me and my son.
If you or any other people from the UK would like to start up a group or meet up please get in touch.

I was looking for ages but found nothing. Even the folks at Stop It Now couldn't recommend anywhere online, several naming and shaming of course. Once you recover from the knock at the door you need someone who's been through it and can tell you what's next from a similar perspective but nope, nothing.

I'm being sent on a course next month 'women as protectors', run by the NSPCC, which is what started me thinking about this. I met with the course leader earlier, and we talked at length. There will be six of us on the course, all in similar situations. One of the course aims is facilitating peer support. That's all well & good, but I'm a year into this! Where was the 'support' when I actually *needed* it, this time last year, when I was being prescribed diazepam because my anxiety was so bad I was having panic attacks?? That horse has bolted some time ago!

There should be instant support. The day we had the knock at the door we had CID, techy inspectors, a forensic photographer. I think at one point there were 12 people in my house. I had a female officer watch me change out my pjs which still upsets me. They came and went several times that day, social services turned up late evening followed by the CID again saying he had been charged and what help did I get? A leaflet. I got a ridiculous leaflet that said almost nothing. It was a horrible experience, I needed help but I was alone. I still had my little ones to look after, be a mum but my head was warped! Just knowing someone else had gone through it would have helped but I honestly thought I was the only one. Just having a "friend" service of people who have been there and could talk online, on the phone etc would have really helped.

Yes, fully agree Sally. I had 6 police officers + a social worker arrive on my doorstep and all I got for my troubles was the phone number for Stop it Now. I know they're a brilliant organisation, but I rang it once, didn't get through to anyone & then couldn't bring myself to ring again for another 6 months.

I've emailed Lucy Faithful to see if they know of anything.

Eight years on and still no one here to share with except this forum for which I am grateful but would like company of people who understand what I have and am still coping with every day.
Whilst good to be able to email it will never be the same as human interaction.!
I have been thinking of writing an article about this in 'inside time' paper written for inmates in the UK plus their own letters about their own experiences some good but many not so good. Maybe this would generate a response from other families of SO,s to want to get together or at least get immediate help at the beginning of their own nightmare!

It's such a complex thing though. I have moved to a new area with my children, in order to protect them from the knowledge of my husband's status. Hopefully he'll be able to follow us when he's able. But I'm wary about revealing our situation to anyone, as we're currently quite secure here. So meeting people in real life is...nerve wracking. But that's just me, I prefer hiding on the internet ha ha

I'm not much of a people person. I'm an introvert, always have been. I have a select few friends and like you meeting people is nerve wracking for me. What doesn't help is I'm "weird" if I was rich I'd be eccentric but I'm not so I'm just weird ha!

I'm glad your husband got a suspended sentence it means the "aftermath" is instant. Things can start moving forward, custodial leaves you in crappy limbo. My husband has psych that was part of the court order, they couldn't refer him till his release then it was an 18 week waiting list to start the assessment. Had it been suspended it would be done by now. Grrr!

Yeah, he's had his first probation meeting today & mappa this afternoon (clever police folks turned up unannounced at his house while he was at the probation meeting - real co-ordinated thinking there!). I'm now stressed because they're going to inform the B&B where he stays each weekend to visit us. Can't see them wanting his custom after finding out :(

Aw no that sucks! I yate that, what's the betting there's nothing in his license agreement about notifying anyone. Sad thing is the offenders management team have the right to do as they please "Cooperate with agencies" will be in the terms.

After release by husband stayed with family, they were advised to tell the next door neighbour as they had kids. They didn't do it till last minute but they were ok with him staying. However the lass at the other end of the town, who got pregnant by an under age boy when age was very much legal, didn't like it. So that complaint got him shifted to homeless housing. The way they work is absolutely ridiculous. Not everyone will be chuffed having an SO on the street but I don't really like my nosey neighbour, the guy who drives his car to fast down the street, the moron who blocks my drive daily or the dog owners who refuse to pick up their dog mess but that's my problem. We already had an SO on the scheme. I was concerned yes, what did I do? I called the police, checked he was safe round children. They told me they couldn't give me details but not being being able to give information was a sign it was all ok. Had he not been able to be around kids then he would have to get our approval for living so close, police would notify us but it was fine. From then on it was my issue not his. If I didn't like him there I would just need to suck it up as he had as much right to live there as me. This was years before my husbands case.

God, I hope we don't have to tell any of my neighbours! There are no children living either side, but one side have grandkids to stay weekly. I can't see any reason to tell them, my husband has no restrictions on access to children...does yours?