Frelly,

Send me a friendship request so I can send you a private message.

rewdiazepam

Thanks, I did...

Well I can say that children do lie, they do it for a myriad of reasons, much of the time it is not to be vindictive, although some are. They are people just like all adults and learn by example, so if the people they learned from are not profoundly truthful 100% of the time and insists the same from their children, it is going to happen.

Now I am not saying that this girl is lying, but the possibility is there and must be considered. I was a teenage girl once and knew many as well and I can say without a doubt that those girls were more than happy to lie about sexual conquests, etc if it got them attention, regardless of what kind of attention it brought. Now the vast majority of teen girls are great kids, they would not put someone under the bus to save face, but as we all know it only takes one. Or just one saying something that a teacher, physician, therapist takes badly, they report it and a police investigation MUST commence and be concluded. It is the legal system at its best.

Please do not take this the wrong way, but you talk about truth, when it sounds like you are really talking about trust. It sounds like your trust in this man has been shaken, either by this new information you know about him or something else that has happened between you.

I know that it sounds strange that I jump to that conclusion, but please give me a moment to explain why I am thinking like this. Since you weren't there, there will always be two versions of what happened between them, because of this, you have to literally choose to believe one version versus another. This is what makes sex offense cases so difficult for everyone involved. There is no way to know, unless there is documented proof, such as video, etc. because it always comes back to one story versus the other. So what it sounds like you're looking for is only something that you can come to on your own as you're going to have to choose which story to trust.

None of us know your man, we don't know the experiences the two of you have had to help you determine if he is what we would consider trustworthy to us, but that is still not you and only you have to live with the choices you make so it is just best that you make them. But we are here to listen to you vent, argue it out with yourself or us, whatever you need essentially... But I'm afraid that you have asked questions that only you can answer.

It looks like you're new, welcome, sad that you have to be here but happy you found us... We've all been where you are right now, listening, questioning, and ultimately deciding how we are going to see the situtation for ourselves.

I trust him but I still cannot fathom why a child would do this! I work with children all my life and just don't get it! His adoptive daughter is from another country whose first 3 years of life was in an orphanage. His ex-wife did not want him anymore when shortly after they were married he was diagnosed with a degenerate burro-muscular disease and shortly after the arrival of children ( 5 years into marriage) he began to show symptoms. His ex-wife he found out after all this went down, had been raped by her brother as a teen and it was hidden secret in her family and never got help. Daughter read diaries. I guess I have a problem with the courts, his PO, the advocates in his SO class that treat him as if he's deviant. He's not! His first poly he fail. The PO is saying he doesn't know ' triggers' so I can't be his supervisor/chaperone. He has to write these ridiculous action plans using this sex offender jargon to the T.

But I can't help think about what goes on in his daughters head!

Thank and I think your right; its trust...

Burro=neuro

Frelly,

I am assuming you read my private message.

If you love this guy and you trust him, does it really matter what the young lady's story is?? If you trust your guy, stand beside him. That is what people who love each other do.

If you continue to have doubts and every day brings more "wondering what really happened" and "is he telling me the truth" you will drive yourself crazy, you will alienate him, and your relationship will fail.

As I told you earlier, in my situation I wasted several years of my life wondering "why." Why the jury did not believe me, why this entire thing happened, and why I was accused in the first place. I almost drove myself crazy, until I finally accepted that there are some things in life for which we will never have the answers. We just have to accept it and go on.

Kids and young teens lie----they lie all the time for all kinds of reasons as Wisconsin said. The only people who will ever really know exactly what happened is your BF and the young lady.

You said, " I guess I have a problem with the courts, his PO, the advocates in his SO class that treat him as if he's deviant. He's not!"

There you go. You probably know him as well as anyone and if you know he is not a deviant, then go with your gut. This situation is a lot like registrants when they hear so many terrible things said about them. Many of them begin to actually believe what they hear from others instead of following what is in their hearts. You are allowing others to define your BF.

You either trust him or you don't. If you want to be with him and have a worthwhile relationship, it would be best to trust him.

rewdiazepam

I don't want to minimize sexual abuse with my comments. Some children get abused terribly and keep it a secret for years. That should never happen.

On the other hand, children lie and are capable of lying about these matters. There was recently a case around here where a child turned adult recanted a story that happened 8 years ago but it is too late for the registrant. Even with the recantation, there is no way to take back his conviction and RSO status.

Yes kids can lie and will for various reasons. Adults also will lie about things. You have to follow your instincts with this. As i have been with my husband for 13 years. I never would of thought he would sexually abuse my kids but he did. It took away for it to come out. Luckily he admitted to it which made things easier i believe. I have stood by him for teh last 3-1/2 plus years when no one else would. But now i am finding things out as the one thing i told him is he has to be honest with me, if i can't trust him as he broke the trust i once had and he has to earn it back. I thought he was doing good, now i am having my doubts. Things he is saying that i know had to come from somewhere other than me, etc... So you may think you know someone but deep down they are totally someone else. This is something you and only you can decide about how you feel and if you can continue the relationship.

SO class, regardless if he is innocent or guilty, if he was convicted in a court of law, the truth is irrelevant. I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but the courts have far less to do about truth than they do about being able to prove something legally.

Those of our loved ones that have been falsely accused have to 'walk the walk and talk the talk' to get through treatment. They are advised to stick to the complaint, lie in the class and stick to the same story throughout. Yea I know it sounds just stupid, but that is what our legal and corrections systems have come down to. I could attribute this trend to a whole bunch of factors, but bottomline, it is what it is and there is little one can do about it other than survive it.

Polygraphs are not easy things to pass, for while they appear to indifferent, because they are a machine. The humans that read the results and the data that is produced are fallible people with bias and their own perspective. Yes they will argue that they are impartial, but they are humans, which makes impartial impossible. So just because he can't pass a poly shouldn't influence your opinion of him at all. Check out this site, http://antipolygraph.org and read some of the things this ex-FBI guy learned about the polygraph. It may help with some of it.

Bottomline, if you trust him, if you believe in him, then who cares what anyone else thinks.