Families of SOs Community Group
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Hello, this would be my first post here. I am in a long term relationship with a long time childhood friend for about a year. Recently, there have been some accusations in which for two years, my boyfriend had molested his younger cousin. As a child, he was severely abused and as a result, he had done some terrible things. His older brother has similar charges against him, except he had done it for, i believe, four years? My signifigant other had done these acts from the ages of 10 to 12 and his brother had been I'd say 12-15. I don't know what to do.. How do I hold up a romantic relationship given the circumstances? Ive known this one for years, sense we were kids. How do I deal with this? What do I do? Has anyone else been in a similar stuation? Where do I go? I want to run away from it all, this is so much to deal with. Mind you, I'm only 19. Nothing could have prepared me for this
That means his message is "you shouldn't heal or become strong in therapy" because if you get strong enough to NOT need him, HE couldn't handle it SO he will decide to reject you now or as soon as he fears you won't/don't need him to survive...AND once he gets that afraid (and believe me he will) He will go shopping and find the next needy woman who with stick with him out of fear of being "alone." Never mind what he does to her or to her children because he plans to stay the sort of man who needs needy partners to hang on to him (does this sound just like the CYCLE of abuse we are taking about)
Let him just go on needing needy vulnerable people/ children so he can dominate and feel "powerful" sexually and otherwise. (predators chase the herd but they take down the weak and vulnerable who are already injured (some times those injured by previous sexual abuse) Sometimes I think we have a sign on our forehead: Pick me! Pick Me!)
If "You Need ME is his "reason" for having you stay (and stay weak) then I say shake the dust from your feet, walk away NOW and grow yourself into the person you were meant to become. There are strong people out there just waiting to love the person you can become, People who will love you for your strength and courage not people who want you to stay weak so they can take advantage of your weakness AND the weakness of your children just to reassure themselves they can still fool the children's mothers and get away with doing "it" to more children...even their own.