Our story was printed in the paper; he's not even gone to trial yet. His neighbors act awfully chilly to his wife and he's not even there nor on the registry.

Did your story hit the newspaper?

I forced myself to look at my boyfriend's registry entry so many times that I became somewhat desensitized to it. I tell myself I'm googling him to make sure there isn't anything crazy being posted about him somewhere...which is true...but it's never easy.

Just know you are far from alone in this.

First I think the resistry is a Terrible thing for many reasons, but thats not what I want to focus on at this time.

I want to try and help WorriedSick with this thought. How many times have you gone and looked at the SO resistry before now? I dont know about you but I had never gone and look until it involved me in someway, then I only looked for thieir name. .There are possible some that do, but honestly think most dont with a reason. Again its just a thought but hope it helps.

WorriedSick, so sorry. No you are not alone. You and I are the same TxFosterMom, even before this I never gave the list a second thought. However, my best friend has been fixated on it ever since it started. She's an email subscriber. Good Lord, I hope she's the minority. My boyfriends sentencing is on Friday..... does he get added after he's served the sentence, or as soon as he's officially a felony sex offender (for 1 count of cp possession from Limewire).

It really breaks my heart to know I too will be in this same situation soon. I feel your pain. Some things in life really suck. And there is not a thing we can do about it. Just know we here on this site are in the same situation. In reality we do care what people think and that is why it is so difficult. I just don't want everyone to think my husband is some sort of a pervert and loves to hide in bushes and get his jollies on watching little kids or that he is going to do something horrible to his own children. He is such a wonderful person. He only typed inappropriote things to some of his students on facebook. He loves me and his children. I know I should say whatever let all those stupid people who judge think what they want but it stil hurts.

It has not hit the newspaper yet! Who knows if it will. We have been told since my husband is not a public figure like a police officer, or a teacher the likelihood of it being in the paper is slim. But you just never know. I plan to keep this to myself unless someone asks. I only feel free to talk on this site. I feel safe here. Thank you everyone for your kind words and you truly are helping.

Before this I had never looked at the registry. I sure hope I am the norm and not the exception. We shall see.

Husband was convicted of Sexual Solicitation of a Minor via the internet. NO CONTACT, NO MEETING just a very inappropriate conversation.

My husband's picture was in a section of the newspaper that has everyone who has been arrested and it is still available on the website. He is now on the registry, but in the area where they put people who are incarcerated, so my address and phone number are not there. I intend to have another legal address for him when he gets out. There's a lot of hysteria out there and people get this twisted idea that it is alright to harm someone who is guilty of a sex crime...any sex crime. The media is really getting smarmy with this Penn State thing. I saw a newscaster today whose behavior was so blatantly manipulative, I felt ill watching him. They don't care about those children who were hurt, only about fear mongering because in our twisted society, it sells ads. People are affected by that and the whole public registry thing plays into their fear. Its very sad. But you know what else? It is not personal. The registry does not reflect our feelings about ourselves, only public fear. We don't have to play into it. Live your life like there were no registry. Show the world that you are not afraid. Refuse to be manipulated. Enjoy your life. That's the best anyone can do.

If it didn't hit the papers by now, chances are it won't. Besides, the media seems to be having too much of a field day with the penn state story. My son was added to the registry 5 or 6 days after his conviction & he was locked up & won't be out until Jan. As far as ppl looking up the registry, I really think most ppl never look it up. The only time of the year it may be a big concern is on Halloween when they may make you put up a no candy sign on your front door.

I really hate everything to do with the registry at this point. Before now I never really let myself think about what an awful "witch hunt" this whole sex offender thing is ... but it really is. Will it ever change? Will it ever get better? Just like the economy, I don't see this getting any better especially with the whole Penn State thing. Next week is Thanksgiving and I invited my fiance's family over for dinner for the first time, before things hit the fan with my little brother B. Now I am terrified that his family is going to find out about my brothers and be like the rest of society. I love his family and how they all have welcomed me in, and I don't think I could handle it if they acted like everyone else towards my nearest and dearest. I hate living in fear, I hate feeling like I have to constantly defend my brothers. I really hate our "justice system" ... justice is a joke.

I'm really sorry for everything you're going through, WorriedSick. Just like everyone here, my heart is with you too.

I went to a meeting in San Francisco this past weekend with the California RSOL group.

http://www.californiarsol.org/

I really liked something that one of the Board Members, Marshall Burns, said about the labels. We ourselves need to change OUR MIND SET about these registries. The labels themselves keep us stuck and allow us to fall into an "offender" and victim mentally. So many of those on the Registry have not even done anything that is a sexual offense! What about just saying your husband is a PERSON on a Registry? Try that on and see how it feels ...

I understand the fear of harm these registries stimulate, and I am deeply sorry you are here and ALL of us on this site are here! What we are experiencing is not right, and it does need to change, yet the first place it needs to change is within each of us. And that is an inside job, not an outside one.

No one anywhere can make us feel anything something in us does not resonate with. We have to go to those places within ourselves and shift the way we see and feel about ourselves and our loved ones FIRST. The root is in not feeling good enough - that is the shame piece. We are all good enough and each of us has everything we need within to do what we are here to do, which included creating change. Once we root out the parts or ourselves that do not feel "good enough" we will have he power of GANDHI because we will know the truth! And once we know the truth nothing can shake us. We are all flawed imperfect human being, yet each of us is whole and complete.

I love this quote from A Course in Miracles:
"When truth has come it harbors in its wings the gift of perfect constancy, and love which does not falter in the face of pain, but looks beyond it, steadily and sure. Here is the gift of healing, for the truth needs no defense, and therefore no attack is possible."

the-course-in-miracles.com/acim-forum/workbook-part1/lesson-107

Each and everyone of us here KNOWS OUR TRUTH. And that is where we need to stand. The truth needs no defense ... and therefore no attack is possible.

It is the cultural shadow, that part of others and even ourselves that allows us to remain stuck. We need to begin the fight against these part of ourselves and the larger collective, as seen by the harsh laws and unfair Registries by learning to fully love and accept ourselves and our loved ones FIRST.

I am finding supportive others who I know love me and my partner unconditionally right now while i build my own inner resources and strength. I take it a day at a time and sometimes a moment at a time finding spaciousness and quiet within my body/mind that is outside the judgmental/fear based mind that is part of any registry or labeling of ANYONE. Step into your inner being right now and feel the rise and fall of your breath, allowing your mind to quiet ... imagine something or someone what makes your heart feel warm and expanded ... and stay there! That is just the beginning!

The journey, at least as I see it, is to end the separation and duality of the mind. The mind keeps these "systems" in place. We need to come out of our minds and into ourselves, into our hearts, and continue to see ourselves as no different from anyone else out there. We need learn to forgive, just as we ask others to forgive the "offender" and to realize the wounds that created these behaviors in our loved ones most likely came from a personal experience that is remembered in the BODY, and know that it was most likely not born in some "gene" or something that can be "identified" under a microscope. Yet, it stems from most likely an insult that can be HEALED. The people we love that have gotten themselves into these sexually inappropriate behaviors most likely were either abused themselves or have a sexual addiction and they NEED HELP, not prison time, or registries that label them and shame them for life. Yet, the journey begins with each and everyone of us in LOVING OURSELVES and OUR LOVED ONES , as well as educating those who are ignorant.

Hang in there, each and every one of you ... we are all in this together ... sharing this planet and needing to learn not to fear one another, but to love.

WorriedSick -

I just want to add a couple thoughts.

One, I think most people don't look at the registry, some probably look at it to see if they know anyone etc.
I know, I myself looked at it years and years ago. I think it was because a co-worker said her son-in-law was on it and so I looked people up to see if I knew anyone, but then I never really gave much thought to it again.

Also just a month or so ago, I was walking with my bf and there was a guy not far from us and my bf said that guy was in his class and was on the registry as well. Ok, just the night before that I was looking at the registry and I saw the pic of that guy on there and I didn't recognize him "on the street. So I guess my point in telling you this, is that most people that look at the registry just to look aren't going to recognize someone if they saw them "on the street".

Now the people that know your husband, that is a different story. But I guess this is when you find out who your "real" friends and family are. They are the people that will be there for you, supporting you. It might seem like you will lose some friends and family, but remember it is their loss.

My family just found out about my bf last weekend or so ago and so they freaked out on me. Actually I feel kind of relived that it is in the open and that I know who I can count on and who I can't . Well, it is too bad that I can't count on my family. But hey, it is what it is. Their loss.

You will get through this! There will be some hard days like today, but you will survive! Just remember you can vent on here when you need too.

i'm so sorry for what you are going through. i don't think the registry should be on the computer. i'm praying for you to be strong and stand your ground. please don't let cruel people bring you down. i have been there and i know how you feel. but remember that the people that really care about you will not set out to hurt you. please feel free to contact me. i don't tell everything that has happened to us on here. but i will share through a message. God bless you.

I agree with Joansalmon, that the registry shouldn't be on the internet. But seems like anymore, everything is on the internet.

I think like Peekachu...live your life like there is no registry (except when it comes to following the laws and requirements, because that is why my guy is locked up right now....failure to re-register after AWA) Other than that, our friends and family all love him and accept him ....yes even mine...but once this is past us, I am going to make sure he gives them blood if he has too...(scratch that...he already has). I am going to live and enjoy life with him and if anyone wants to bother me they better look out! They even publish a quarterly newspaper here with all the SO's and distribute it throughout the county.. and I don't care anymore. I am tired of worrying about it. I hope that some day you can ignore the judgement and hate of others and just enjoy your family. All that matters is the love you share for each other and your family. I wish you the best of luck and peace in your heart!