Welcome to our support board.

Here are some links that will give you an idea of the registration requirements in New Jersey. Of course, the requirements of probation are much more strict than the registration requirements so take that into consideration.

http://tinyurl.com/oox4xnu

http://tinyurl.com/otgjrpt

http://tinyurl.com/pms7v3l

I was never on probation or paper time, so I am not qualified to answer all your questions regarding those restrictions, but I do know that the probation officer is considered the closest thing to God and they have enormous power.

Someone who has dealt with probation will come along and help you with that aspect.

rewdiazepam

I am engaged to an SO who is still on probation. His PO really hadn't pushed wanting to know what date. They want to know, but have never said he can't just run off and get married. I know he will have to update his registration within so many days because his marital status will have changed.

My best friend who lives in a different state who is also an SO, had to tell his PO. The reason was he and his wife had to go through counseling first as individuals, as a couple and in a group. They also had to go through several PO meetings before and afterwards.

PO's, like rewdiazepam said, are God in your situation. To give you an example, the PO could have said that your fiance wasn't allowed to date you and wouldn't have to give you or him a reason as to why. They control his freedom. What the PO says goes and if you don't like it, too bad. An example of that is, I live with my fiance. In my state some RSO's on probation are not allowed to have internet at their place of residence. So, living with my fiance and he was barred from having internet, I wouldn't be able to have internet service at my house. Its strange, but you have to live under the same restrictions he has to a point. If he is not allowed in parks, you both can't go for a stroll through the park. Basically it's like being a kid again and you have to ask for permission to do things. It sucks, but that's the way it is. Example, if my fiance and I want to go see a movie in the theater, we can't just go. He has to call his PO and tell her what day, time and location the movie is at and he would have to send her a safety plan.

Probation is a bitch, I'm not going to lie.

What states and charges are these? Just curious, trying to get a map of what states are more strict than others over what charges etc.

Thank you for the answers. I know she is god. What state did your friend have to do counseling in if I may ask. I'm wondering if she will make us go through that. Do you know what the counseling session entailed?

I had several different experiences while on probation. It depended on my probation officer at the time and how well I was doing on probation. Completing therapy was a big stepping stone for my quality of life while on probation. One of the POs I had in the middle of it all wanted me to go out and do things, just do them when kids were in school or after they were at home for the night. So see an early movie at 11 am or watch one at 10 at night depending on my work schedule. He wanted me to go out to bars and enjoy that part of my adult life. He kind of put the fear of God in me though when it came to getting drunk or getting involved with the police. He said he would allow me to "be a kid" as he called it as long as I had a job passed polys and was working to conplete therapy.

I got extremely lucky with that PO. But not so lucky with others. One thing I have learned about law enforcement in general and this applies to POs is that they are trained to always be in control of the situation. Your fiancé's PO doesn't want to be left out of the loop, personally I would placate her and tell of course she will be in the know as soon as you two have set the date. And maybe if someone cancels you'll give her an invite lol (not saying you should give her an invite, but you could joke about it and tell her she can only come if she gets you guys something nice).

Since she is god I have tons of questions because I worry about his freedom as I know she can revoke it at any time

What other questions?

He wants to have kids and so do I but would he ever be able to go anywhere or do anything with them?

Can he ever go the the daddy daughter dance, to a school recital, parent teacher night, or trick or treating?

Too many factors here. Charges, state that your in, po you get, how well your doing, any priors, other records the list goes on. I've heard of super restrictive and then others like Independent who get common sense po's.

You can have kids and most states won't take the children away just because he is on the registry. It does depend what he was charged with. I wouldn't go to a daddy daughter dance at a school, nor would I go to most school functions if I was on probation. It's just easier to not go anywhere where children are present most of the time. I would go to religious activities but never a children only activity. Basically the idea is to reduce risk. One allegation, even a false allegation is really the end of his world.

We won't be able to answer most questions because most are state dependent. I would check with your local RSOL I think you said it was New Jersey:

https://fairnj.wordpress.com

Also if you still have legal questions it couldn't hurt to go buy an hour of a lawyers time to ask them questions about this.

The PO he has now (he's had her for about 4-5 years) is pretty lenient because he never causes trouble, only has one conviction, and no priors. He has been out for 7 years and is down to three visits a year, and he has had the same job since he got out. This is in NJ

Thank you independent 2014

How much longer is he on probation?

I am in Texas, my friend is Illinois. My fiance is in group therapy as well.

My fiance's PO is pretty level headed. He just got a new one, so I think she is still testing the waters. His old one was awesome (strange sounding, I know.)

As for having kids, I've seen different people have different outcomes with that. It depends on the PO (if they are still on probation), if the person is a trouble maker and the offense. I have a friend and know of several other guys who are still on probation and their children live with them. A couple others they are not allowed to live with their children.

Have you spoken with the PO about this? RSOL would be helpful as well. Also his court paperwork would have a couple things mentioned as well.