Pathella - I believe everything you said. I believe it's more reported than any other race! My son is a college graduate - not that it makes him any smarter than the others but maybe more organized and more aggressive to improve the quality of life they are living. I would like to hear more from you!

Storms - You are so right...I have done one year without drugs (alcohol...yes) and other than a sleeping pill I will try to do without! I am busy it's just the depression every day I try to deal with. I drill him every letter and every phone call stay quiet, don't gamble and keep in background!

Suchaslife - He had a couple of decent guards but most were trying to prove they had the "Power"...what goes around comes around...someday they might have a loved one on the inside. Short story: first time I went to the local county prison to put money on his account and I asked a guard walking down the street a question and he immediately went into a rant how "lucky" my son was that I was coming to give him money..like he didn't deserve it - I said that is my son in there regardless what he did. He had no idea who my son was or what he did - who did he think he was...that was my very first experience with the prison system!!

Oh yeah I've had that rant from one of them too also got told I was wasting my money putting money on for him coz they get enough from working! That one I got after about a year or 2 of putting his money on for him! Yes the forget that it could be them in this position and that the guys do for the most part come out at some stage. Tell your boy to keep his head down and didn't see or hear anything is a pretty smart move as well oh and try if he can to stay out of the politics that are in there.
Well done on staying sober for a year that's totally awesome!....I've managed 3 years so fair I stoped when he went in.

One thing that really bothered me in prison is how they treated the families of the inmates when they came to visit.

When I was in prison, if a guard wanted to say something tacky to me---that was fine. I was not guilty, but I was still there as an inmate and I expected that from the guards. Some COs are just bullies who were intoxicated by the little power they had been given over the inmates---I just let it roll off my back.

But being rude and disrespectful to the families of the inmates is just uncalled for. They have done nothing wrong to warrant any kind of verbal abuse. They are only doing what loving families do---support their loved ones.

Why is it so difficult for people just to be NICE to each other in this country? What in the hell happened to respect?

Everyone is not well educated, many people are dirt poor, some are not well spoken, but one thing we all can be regardless of our lot in life is to be NICE and RESPECTFUL toward others.

I just don't understand it sometimes. And I am so sorry for Debbie and Suchaslife and others who have been force to endure the ignorance and mean-spiritness of these prison personnel.

It is just as easy to be kind and respectful as it is to be nasty and mean.

rewdiazepam

Your son, having a college degree as I have, has undoubtedly realized that he is really in a world he has never seen or even thought about before.

For educated people who have never had any dealings with the law, prison is a shock to say the least. Most people usually hold jobs which deal with the “normal” public, so they have no idea what they are about to experience in prison.

I was a tutor. We would give the new arrivals an ABE (Adult Basic Education) test to establish what grade level they could read and do math.

Most inmates I encountered had a grade level about the eighth or nine grade.
Very few tested out at twelfth grade equivalency.

A good percentage tested out below a fifth grade level.

Several could neither read nor write. Imagine my astonishment when I encountered an entire classroom of 30 to 40 years old men who could not read at all. That was a real shock, as I just took it for granted that everyone could read.

Then there is the personal hygiene. Many take a shower only every 10 days or so; it is like they are allergic to water even though there are plenty of showers and opportunities to use them.

Most rarely brush their teeth. Hell, many had very little teeth to brush anyway. I was in a state prison in a Bible Belt state and the former occupation of many of these inmates was “drug dealer.” A good number of them had used methamphetamine so long that their teeth had either been destroyed or mottled.

All of these examples are things that a normal person just never encounters on the street.

I could go on and on. Some of the inmates, particularly the younger inmates who needed a hustle or needed protection, would engage in the most depraved sex acts possible to maintain themselves in prison. No, I am not talking about normal sex between two people or anything even considered remotely normal.
These acts were hideous that I would be embarrassed even typing what they consist of.

Some of the inmates actually behaved like wild animals at times.

Of course, this was in state prison. I imagine that there is a higher class of inmate in federal prison.

So, yeah, your son will be able to use his education to his advantage. Nobody can outmuscle all the other inmates, but he can outthink them.

People just do not realize the low class of people you meet in prison. It is just too difficult to imagine for most people.

rewdiazepam

Isn't that just a horrible shame though, Rew? We are supposed to be one of the greatest country;s in the World and we have that many people that cannot read? How very sad ... I thank the powers that be every single day that my son was spared prison - I think he would have been horribly abused.

It's the same in Australia we have a lot of guys who can't read well enough to do the classes they have to do it is really sad to see. My man dos what he can for them.
Thanks rew its pretty upsetting when the co's say stuff like that to you. It also kinda wrackes your visit as well!

He was already amazed when first sent to the county prison and other men were coming in that couldn't fill out their paperwork because they can't read - he said mom how sad to think these grown men coming in need help with this. He said helping them made him feel "useful".

He also talks about the "hygiene" problems - he said many do not take showers for days on end. My son is very "clean" and it bothered him not to be able to get floss for his teeth for a whole year - they didn't allow it in county so now he can get it in commissary in federal and he is thrilled about that!! Little things that we all take for granted everyday...

He had one cellmate from another country that didn't have any hygiene skills and he almost lost his mind with him. He would leave food laying around, never cleaned the cell, etc. He said mom nice guy but I had to get out of the cell and into another one. I am glad they let you find new cellmates if you want and everyone agrees to it. I can't imagine being stuck with someone you did not get along with or wasn't "clean".

I haven't been to visit yet in the federal so not sure what to expect...

Your son is certainly doing his time in the right way. I think he has a very healthy attitude toward incarcertion.

I particularly like the idea that he is doing things to "make himself feel useful." This gives him a purpose in there and will not only make him feel good about himself, but will help others.

Also, and most IMPORTANTLY, helping others fill out forms and just being helpful in general will gain him respect with the other inmates and they will see him as an "OK" guy. It's hard to dislike someone who is doing some of the things your son is doing by helping other inmates in there. Now, after he has built up respect, even if they do find out the full extent of his charges, it will not matter as much.

Inmates do not beat up inmates they respect and like.

And feeling good about oneself is very important in prison.

One thing people take for granted is that prisons do not have a Wal Mart or local store, so if the inmates need something there is no place to go. My glasses fell apart while in prison. Normally you could go to Wal Mart and buy one of those kits that have those small screws to fix the glasses. Guess what? No Wal Mart.

Instead I had to rig up some paperclips to hold my glasses together until I could get some new ones sent in.

Everything people take for granted is gone in prison.

rewdiazepam

I am sorry you are having such a tough time. My brother was recently sentenced and my parents and myself struggle daily. My mom keeps waiting for him to walk thru the door and my dad just breaks down randomly. My dad is likely at the end of his life due to medical issues, which have only gotten worse with the stress of all this. My mom is better than that but watching my dad get sicker and losing her son has definitely taken there toll on her. Additionally, my x-sister in law took away my brothers kids from us, so we are also suffering that lose as my parents saw those children almost daily. Now we have nothing but heartache and sadness. We have hired an attorney (more of my parents hard earned savings and retirement money gone) to get grand parent rights and of course they also hired an attorney for my brother to go to the upcoming custody hearing.
My parents grief the loss as if its a death as they clean out his home, sell his car, pack away personal sentimental items and just enough clothes for when he gets out (in 17 years). I hope you can find some peace in this mess. You needed to go to the beach and just be. You need to take care of yourself, and that means different things for different people. I hope you can find peace and some sort of resolution.
Oh and I too agree, why does everyone in the criminal justice system feel it is ok to treat the families like we did the crime.......WE too are victims.