I don't come on here as much as I used to, especially when this nightmare first started for me. I joined the group I think the same day that my son was arrested, and I'm so glad I did. The people here are so helpful! But it's still been a roller coaster ride. I usually have very good days when other things are going on and I can forget what's happening with my son. But then I have nights when I can't get to sleep, thinking of my son being locked up, the debt he's in and the fact that I need to file bankruptcy for him if his wife ever signs the divorce papers (which she filed right after he was arrested)....just so many things keep going through my mind. And yes, one of those things is thinking that there was something I could have done to prevent this. I think that's something we moms are going to do no matter what.

Hi Reggie - good to "see" you back!

A lot of us wives or mothers understand what you deal with .cause in our own lives we deal with the same things .as a mother .wife .we wished we could do something to make things better .we go thru anxiety of stuff .like when pro shows up .and your hub at work .but its just the feeling you recieve of it all..just to be in the system your whole family ..I hate feeling this way .u know no body doing nothing wrong .living right .but u feel this way..its crazy .then u think about the finances .what if I ever come down sick .or hub and we can't pay the councelor and bills .then what ..u worry about them not carding and violate your loved one cause u may not be able to pay ...besides rest the stuff to worry about .like hub going to work on motorcycle.worry about him getting in accident .ugh .but you understand why he wanted to buy one .to taste freedom .just to be able to travel freely on motorcycle gives him sence of freedom .
So you deal with it but worry .hmm and then if you have a child u also worry about your child .will he be good at school .will he be picked on .hope no body finds out his dad on registry .worry how your child will turn out in future .will he stay kind and stuff or turn against me and his dad cause he wasn't allowed to do as other kids out there or have friends ..we worry like a momma hen for our hub or bf or any loved one and wants to protect love and watch over them .
.for me as long as my son and hub are home with me I feel at peace ..but still have anxiety .every time pro comes here ...and then the uneasy feeling I have when I'm home alone .scared some vigilantes might be out there .but my two dogs let us know if someone is around .so that gives lil peace...hang in there.we all know what your going thru ..its not easy but we can get thru all this ..one thing that helps in my situation is putting my mind on trying to fix up our mobile home .taking dog for a walk .singing .and praying ..and of course being able to continue to work.and knowing my husband and son are OK .and we live lawful and right .gives peace too.to realize we should not worry like that cause when you aren't hiding and doing anything wrong .there's nothing to worry about .its when you out there doing wrong is when you need to be worried..I was on anxiety meds too but that gave me the drowsy effects and didn't help.plus Dr gave me steroid for my arthritis .that spread to my knees now .so the more worrying about financial stuff is my anxiety ..will I be able to continue working .or what .and will the people understand if we couldn't pay the councelir like we been ..they say if councelir tells you to leave group cause you not able to pay .you can be violated cause its in your plea agreement .and my hub got 12 more years pro to go .one violation is 18 years to jail ..that's the anxiety I have ..

Wow sorry my posting so long .Lord help me to write and make shorter paragraph . Sorry all I did flunk typing in middle school.ughh should of done good; but came from disfunctional family .and didn't get the cheers when I did good or didn't have people to look made sure did my homework right and I didn't care about school ..I pray it don't rub off on our son ..we both try to be there every day for him to make sure he does his homework. Etc ..I hope this collateral damage he starting to feel more of won't affect his schooling .academics .people can't say the lives our children live won't affect them at all . I came from a unloving dysfunctional physical abusive life growing up .the word was seldom even said ..it affected my growing up years ..so u can imagine a child going thru this stuff now a days with the way the world is ..

So sorry, cold blue. We're also three months in since my son was forced to make a plea (it was that or face a trial with a judge whose conviction rate on this charge is literally 100%).

I absolutely understand how you feel. The whole thing is such a betrayal, not just of your son, but of everything you were ever told about America and the Justice system. Overnight all the illusions get ripped away and you can suddenly see that the whole thing is massively corrupt, full of police, DAs, and judges who act together not to protect the public, but to drive up their own importance and line their pockets. All at once you fall through the curtain, find that the truth is a nightmare, and the worst thing is YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE. Because you know that anyone still standing on the other side of the curtain would never understand, plus anything you say might endanger the thin ice that remains beneath your son. Beneath yourself.

But you can talk to us. And you need to. The not talking? That's one of the toughest, most maddening things in this whole mess.