Just take it one day at a time. Try to focus your energy on something else besides him not being there, that will help ease it a little.

One day at a time. Don't focus on the larger picture, but surviving day to day and helping your kids get through it.

I'm sorry you and your family have to go through this, no one should have to go through this :-(

I do know it is hard - in my case it was my son missing for many years from family Holidays - everyone missed him horribly. We are blessed that this year he will be home with us again and my heart is so full of joy - your time will come to. I remember that the second year he was kept away I went to take him dinner on Christmas and he handed my a gift - I opened it and it was a very pretty picture frame - he looked at me and said Mom when i can be around the family again I will get a portrait taken of everyone together and we will fill this frame - of course I cried - at Thanksgiving i will be handing him the frame and will tell him to fill it up.

I do not know if you have the means or time to do this but one thing that helped me through these years ifs to become involved with homeless people and the places that serve on the Holidays. It helped me to see that the human condition takes many forms and to see through the rough exterior. It also helped me to realize none of us are alone -

Make new traditions with your kids but hang on to as many of the old ones as you can. We are with you in kind and will get through the struggle together

Scaredmoma,

I am so sorry you are going through this. I did not get to see my son for nine months when he first went in. He went in last year in October and although it was hard, I kept myself busy with my other children, family and friends. If you can write to him, that always helps. I know my son wanted to know what was going on with the outside world. Stay strong for your family that is with you though. They need you and you need them. Keep your chin up. Hope you get to visit him soon.

i have bee alone and by myself at different times on different holidays over the years. and tho i love thanksgiving and of them all it's my favorite one? i've spent that one alone too. last november 3 days for thanksgiving is when they came for her. she wasn't at home as she was working so they went to her work and arrested her. this year for thanksgiving? i don't even know if i'm gonna be able to afford a turkey or a bag of potatoes.....

halloween is the one that got to me this year. it hit me extra hard this year, i sat and bawled like a baby. that was and is my daughters favorite holiday and she use to go freaky over it.

I'm not looking forward to the holidays either. My husbands pre-trial is this coming Monday the 24th of Nov. He got the GPS off but he can't go into this one county where the victims live, but it's also where the rest of our family lives and our friends. We will be spending the holidays alone. Last year I said that from now on we were going to start new traditions for Christmas, this was NOT what I had in mind!

I try to focus on God and our relationship to help me get thru this. God is the only constant in my life, the only one I can truly depend on 100% and I know I will get thru all of this will his help.

I just put it off. But it is easier for me since we don't have children. I decided not to put on any decarations and told myself it will be easy because I won't have to take the. Down neither. Save double of the time.
Another thing I have been avoid is going to see movies.

Things that I can handle to do it alone without him, I do them.
But things that I can't bare to do without him, I just push it aside and not force myself into it.

Can you possible schedule a visit with him for both you and your kids?

In CA, they can't have visits with ANY minor, with the exception to the victim. The only way around it, is to get a psychologist write up saying that seeing their dad won't traumatize them and why it would benefit them to see their dad. Then, and only then will they be allowed a 1 hr non-contact visit.

They know that it won't traumatize them, and know why it benefits them to see their dad, but they want to add an extra burden on top of everything else for the families. I can't afford this right now, but hope to soon.

I know what you mean. The rest of the family right now is talking about what we're doing for Thanksgiving and for Christmas, and all I can think about is that my son won't be there this year, or for the next 11 1/2 years' worth of holidays. It bothers me now, so I don't even know how I'll be on those actual days. Hopefully with other family members around I'll be too busy to think about it. I can only hope......Good luck to you.

They just have to make everything so inhuman and hard, don't they?
I am sorry that it is not an option now for your children to visit in person.

I don't even know if I will get to speak to him on thanksgiving as where he is at like to put everyone on lock down for the holidays

I'm so sorry you have to go through this too. We're spending our first holiday without my husband too. I spent the entire summer worrying about all the things I would have to do myself. I wanted to bring my kids away for a weekend just to get their minds off of life and I gave myself a panic attack. But then I just planned it and drove 5 hours away with just my 3 blessings and myself. I never drove more than an hour with just me and my kids. When I got home I though...I got this, and realized that I have to do anything I can to make my kids happy. I brought my kids to see their dad for the first time last weekend and all the old feelings came back (the anxiety and fear) but I remembered how I was able to push through and I survived. You are strong (and I know you are because you've made it this far). When it comes down to it you will get through it. I know how you feel about crying everyday and crying yourself to sleep, I still do that too. We're all here for you. This will all pass, have faith. xoxo

Thanks but it has gotten so bad that I had to ask the Dr for something it was just be coming to munch and on top of that I have high blood pressure and we can't seem to get it managed so I had to

I can really relate. My husband is not gone yet but if he is here next year this time it will be nothing short of a miracle. The closer it gets to Thanksgiving the harder time I am having knowing next year it will be just me and praying I am still in my home and not homeless. We are putting the Christmas tree up early so we have a little extra time to "celebrate" the season. Just seems so surreal right now.

I know the holidays are the worst for us... I haven't enjoyed the holidays for years since my divorcee years before my arrest. I don't really decorate anymore, my Ex took all my handmade ornaments... But I get through it buy occupying my time watching movies (non-Christmas) I spend time with family but my folks don't decorate because my brother is battling Pancreatic cancer and they don't feel the holiday either.

But we'll go out for dinner rather than cook at home. I know this sounds like a cop out but it's only a few weeks then it's over. I try not to look at Christmas decorations as I drive around (it's hard not to..) It sucks that Walmart starts plying plying Christmas music before Halloween is over.

You have to replace the holidays with something else or it'll drive you nuts...