You would do well to visit www.prisontalk.com, especially the Loving a Sex Offender subforum.

Whew! He's awfully young. *frown*

I have two sons in prison, but they're 38 and 42.

Don't believe what you see on tv! My man says the worst thing is how bored he gets in there. Iam sorry that your going though this but this is a good place and people will try to help.

Thank you. I was watching a movie last night and it was showing the prison etc. I am just so sad that they are ruining so many lives and the living arrangements are stupid!! They need to find real criminals and stop this non-sense!!! I will look at the link soon. Thank you.

"They need to find real criminals and stop this non-sense!!!"

You're so right, Heartbroken. There is a difference between behavior and crime. Some people have behavior issues. Some people commit crimes intentionally. Sending someone to jail as punishment is appropriate for some people. It can sometimes deter crime.

Most of what we find on this forum is actually "behavior", meaning someone did something that caused harm, yes. But the solution is not jail. Jail time does not deter behavior. It does not help the person who did not have self control. Jail will not help your son. The threat of jail time would not have stopped him from what he did.

Our society is not interested in helping. Its interested in getting even. But even that is very distorted.

Sad.

Take the comma off the end of the link. :-)

Hugs,
Deena

Very true Peek. We should be geared towards prevention instead of incarceration. But we don't because it's a money maker. They will rob families blind who want to stay connected and will charge excess of what they should cost.

My son was ordered by judge to see a therapist twice a week and all she wants to is throw him in jail. It's like its personal with her. Oh did I mention that she brought her two daughters in court to go in her chambers? They looked 8 and 9? Yes I see this as personal!! The worst is that these girls post themselves as 19 to have sex! No jail time or nothing for them. It's wrong! My son has always been ADHD and when this happened I had a full assessment done on him. He is also OCD? Over compulsive control disorder. He doesn't think of consequences and just does things. He needs to be on meds for this. The system is just wanting money. It's all about how much money they make. I live in Louisiana and about a year ago they had a big article that talked about Louisiana being number one state to put people in jail. Big money making deal!!! Just very sad.

My son went in when he was 20, 1 month before his 21st birthday and Xmas. He also has OCD. He'll be out in Jan, at the age of 23. He's in federal, which is a better place than state. Altho federal prison is getting worse as each year goes by. As long as your son shows others respect, just as we do in our daily lives, and doesn't snitch, he'll find a way to make it thru.

I hope to God you don't live in MO. If so definitely do not say he has the mind of a 14 year old.

Thanks for the information. He has been in different places and never snitched on anyone. He gets his sentence on 23rd. ;(. How did you live with knowing he has been in jail? And we live in Louisiana. All political bull. What happens in MO!

Honestwitness,

I went to that site and I have to tell you that I am afraid for my son because he is so young in his mind. I looked at when they first go to prison and it definitely is not a pretty thing. I just need to pray that God will bring my son through all of this safely and that he comes out okay and not worse in his mind than he is. I don't know how I am going to deal with him gone. I have two other children and I love them just as much but I am going to miss him so much!!! :-( I am not having a great day today.

Heartbroken, I completely understand your feelings. This nightmare drives us to prayer for our loved ones, but that ia a good thing. Let God do His work in your son's life. Trust Him to know what is best for your son's eternal destiny. There are many good people in prison, too...both guards and prisoners. God is at work even in the darkest places on this earth. I pray for you and your son that your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvellous love.

HeartBrokenMom,

I realize that you are concerned for your son's safety in prison.

I spent a considerable amount of time in prison, so let me try to help and put your mind at ease.

Let me explain to you about prison and you can relay this to your son.

Your son has only a three year sentence, which means he will be going to a minumum security prison. That is very important and very good news for you. It is at a medium security prison where all the violence and beatings occur.

At a minimum security prison, the inmates are at the end of their sentence. Most are within a year or so of going home, which is their goal. They do not want to do anything like battery on another inmate, which will cause them to get a misconduct and delay their release or maybe even get them sent to a medium security, where nobody wants to go.

As a result, they are on their best behavior there. Nobody gets seriously hurt at a minimum. Trust me, I have been to both mediums and minimums and I know about prisons and I know how inmates think. There may be a few 30 second fist fights or a bloody nose every once in a while at a minimum, but there are no stabbings or real violent beat downs like you see at a medium.

Medium security prisons are for inmates with long sentences---30, 60, or life---who have violent offenses. Minimums are for people like your son, with short sentences, serving time for non-violent crimes.

So your son will not get hurt in prison as long as he remembers a few cardinal rules of prison.

DON'Ts

No snitching. Under no circumstances at all should any inmate tell on, snitch on, or rat out another inmate. If something happens in there, he just did not see it. His mouth needs to stay zipped.

No needless talking to the staff or guards. Only speak when spoken to. They are not your friends and too much chit chat with them will make the other inmates nervous and not trust your son.

No borrowing from anybody. People get into trouble in prison because they borrow things and cannot pay them back on time. If he does not have the money on his books to pay for it, do without. They do not like people who do not pay their debts in prison.

No gambling. It will get you in debt so no gambling.

Do not ask the other inmates too many personal questions. It makes them nervous and wonder if you are an undercover cop or something.

That was the DO NOTs. Now the DOs.

Mind your own business. Do your own time. Do not associate with bad people---snitches or people who have a bad rep in prison.

Be respectful to others. Respect is a big thing in prison. Do not play the radio or TV too loud. Hold doors open for others. Help other with paperwork, as many cannot read or write. Smile once in a while. Loan out a Ramen Noodles soup for free once in a while.

Keep your head up. Walk with confidence. Do not stay in your cell all the time.

Be a normal, "good guy", just "one of the other inmates." He will win respect by doing this and nobody will want to bother him. Be the type of inmate that the other inmates generally like.

Remember---inmates do not harm inmates they like and respect. That just does not happen, so it is important that your son make them like him or at least not dislike him enough that they want to hurt him.

I may have forgotten a point or two, but those are the major points.

Remember: no matter what you son is like, regardless of his personality, no matter how scared he is----he will find someone just like himself in there to pal around with. Prison has old timers, young inmates; educated inmates, uneducated inmates; first timers, repeat offenders; etc. He will find someone like himself. He will not be the only first timer, scared of the system and wondering about the unknown. There will be lots of guys in the same boat.

I understand that your son is scared, and I appreciate the fact that you, as his mother, is also apprehensive. Prison is not like it is portrayed on TV. TV glamorizes prison and makes it seem more violent just to increase ratings.

A lot of mothers, wives, and girlfriends ask me about rape in prison. Rape in prison is pretty much a myth. I was in there for eight years and I never saw one or heard of one. Younger guys sometimes get into debt and get coerced into having sex to pay off their debt, but the idea of forcible sexual assault in prison is just a myth.

Prison is boring most of the time, especially minimum security prisons, where your son will be at.

And one last thing I want you to remember---thousands upon thousands of young men and women have gone to prison, served some time, and came out fine. There is no reason your son cannot do the same.

If you have any questions or comments, feel free to message me. I am your friend and I am 100% on your son's side. I also do not judge.

rewdiazepam

Hello My situation is almost the same my son 19 yrs and 4 months the girl LIED about her age my son now has a life reg too and the girl is still on facebook posing as 23 looking for sex openly .my son headed to prison at age 21 and he too adhd and immature . I want to bring light on the issue that's shes gonna do the same to another. I have been so scared for him I try not to let him know. I try to stay strong for him I think hes handling this better than me. He does not understand whats in front of him. this seems to be the case for so many of our young boys not the girls they are getting away what they do calling themselves a victiom.. some how we need to speek out and make a change I wonder how many are sending letters to the radio and tv personailts. I heard on one of these post that they have information from florda I think. I am new here so iam late on the information but would like to take part in this in my town .if I can figure it out you are in the right place to find support I am so happy to have found this site It will get better I hope

My son is in an medium at centraila. strange with similar cases . so count your blessings