Frelly,

Welcome to the forum.

While on probation, I am almost certain the PO will not allow him to be around minors and certainly not young children. If you have children or if these children are ever present in your home, he cannot be present.

Once off paper time---probation---and only on the registry, there are no laws that I am aware that prevents him from being in proximity to minors in the home. He will no longer be under court supervision and he will be a free man except for the registry and its restrictions. The registry does not restrict being around minors.

Some states do have buffer zones which state a registrant cannot be within a certain distance---usually about 300 or 500 feet---where children congregate, but this applies to schools, daycare centers, etc. Most of the state statutes state that an offender cannot LOITER within this designated distance. But these buffer zones do not apply to being in the same house as a minor.

Also, please note that many states have residency restrictions in that a registrant cannot live within a certain distance of schools, playgrounds, parks, daycare centers, etc., or any place where children regularly congregate. The distance stated is usually anywhere from 500 feet to 2,000 feet. So if your home is within the radius of the designated distance of one of these places, he cannot live there. Not all states have residency restrictions and each state uses a different distance regarding these restrictions. Check for your particular state.

I was never on probation, but when I was only on the registry, I did pretty much as I pleased except living too close to a school. I was around minors and went wherever I wanted and never had a problem.


But the big problem is if you have children yourself and someone reports that your guy is around them to CPS. They will open an investiation and will put you through hell.

I am trying to cover all bases here since I do not know your full story. If you only work at a center with small children, it probably will not be a problem. Just make damn sure he never shows up at the center or even close to the center. I would also not mention that your guy is a registrant or discuss your personal life with anyone.

If the PO finds out that you two are closely linked and that you work at a children's center, he could notify the center about your guy, but I don't know if he would for sure.

You said, " I am stressing out on future unknowns of ring ocstrasized and judged...of being shamed and whispered about...:

If people find out about your guy---especially the people you work with at the center---you will be criticized and talked about by some of those who know, so get ready for that. People like to gossip and get their noses into other people's business, so you will catch some flack.

One other note, your guy should learn to PROTECT HIMSELF and stay away from isolated areas where minors might be present and to never be in an area or situation where he could be falsely accused. If he is ever accused again, he would not have a chance in hell of staying out of prison. For that reason, no woman ever enters my house for any reason. Other than my sister and a lady friend I have known for years, females get close to the porch, but never close to the front door. I have a big dog that alerts me whenever anyone comes down my driveway, and I go out and meet them well before they get to the front door.

I was falsely accused once and it won't happen again. Your guy should always take the same precautions I take.

Hope this helps,

rewdiazepam

My husband is getting out of prison soon and I will also be facing some of these things. I just recently had to go check with my local sheriff's dept and city police to make sure we could live in our home. We have a 1000ft restriction for our area. I did speak to a guy who was registering while I was there. He was nice enough to sit and talk to me for a while and give me his story and advise. He said he didn't have any issues with the community but he lays low. He is married with 3 kids (kids are teenagers)n hasn't had problems. He has been on the registry for 7.5years. 6 of those were also on probation. In my city they send out a postcard to our neighborhood once he registers with the RSO's picture, list of his charges, name, description and our address. That's the part I am not looking forward to. I rarely speak of my husband at work but I work an entire county away (and hour drive) so there is no way I would run into anyone in my town. I have never had a problem at work. I am switching to be a Realtor but I have kept my maiden name as of now. That may change but so far that's what I have done. Again, until he is actually out and on the registry I am not sure what to expect. Good luck with everything. As I always say to my hubs, Stay Positive, Stay strong!.

My children are adults, that is not my concern. Nor any concern with regard to minors. He will have nothing to do with my line of work. I keep work and personal life separate. My concern is that my employment finds out somehow and they decide to that I am unfit morally to do my job by my association and it then gets out to all "people" I work with...DCF/SACs advocates/parents of children/ BOE/ other community-based agencies...there are no residency restrictions or notifications going out.

I'm not sure whether or not Rew would agree with this, but I think this is very touchy. On the one hand, it is none of their damn business if your work and your personal life have a demarcation in the sand. People will probably ask you about your significant other on the job, though, and if you constantly avoid talking about him, you might be viewed with some suspicion. On the other hand, if you let too much time go by and never mention it, they may well accuse you of "not being upfront" about your situation which could create mistrust.

I think it also depends on the type of work that you do. If you work at a fast food restaurant, for example, I am not too sure it would create mass hysteria. If you worked in a government position, you'd be found out very soon and probably dismissed. If you worked as a nurse at an internist, they may question your moral fitness. If you work as a realtor, it may not make much difference.

I missed your first line. You work with young children. This may not be what you want to hear, but yes, I think they will question your moral fitness.

If your heart is set on teaching children, you will have some obstacles to confront and I wouldn't want to talk you out of it. But you asked whether you should leave this job. Personally, I would encourage you to do so if you want to stay in this relationship. But it is up to you.

I say worry about what happens when it happens. If they let you go for something your husband did, that is cause for a lawsuit for wrongful termination. No employer has the right to terminate you for something that someone else did.

As for as the whispers and gossiping, you will get that anywhere when people know about your husband (friends, family, neighbors). Keeping your personal and professional lives separate is good, that can help with preventing people from finding out, but if they do, then that is their problem to deal with.

I wont announce my husband's charges, but if someone finds out and has a problem with it, then that is their problem, not mine.

I stopped caring about other people's thoughts and opinions when I found majority are not supportive. The only people I care to know their opinion, are the ones who have been supportive and whom I call friends.

I don't think she will be terminated. But I think in an atmosphere where everyone is a caretaker for children, her moral fitness may be questioned. It's not right, but it's human nature. I do think, though, that if she has a passion for teaching and wants to stay in the relationship, she should stick to her passion.

I thought about this day and night when this first happened. Now he will be home in 1 1/2 year and i just don't care anymore. Just don't think about it, just do your job and don't worry about something that may never happen. If it does, you will work it out. Prayers work.

I've worked for state gov for just about 26 yrs. My son lives with me. I don't talk about my son's conviction at work ( I have told a few close people at work). I never had a problem at work and still have that job.

I would say not to worry about it unless you have to. You'll probably worrying about something that may never happen.

Thank you for your thoughts and words of wisdom; I will set my worries aside, they are unproductive. One day at a time...

I've had this debate myself, as I'n a teacher, but it's different here in the UK. We have a rule that if you have a SO in the household & teach or care for children under the age of 8, you are 'guilty by association' and are barred from working. Its a source of great frustration for me, as although I usually teach the older age groups, I've seen a few jobs recently with infants that would really suit. I just can't apply though!

I do tend to get overly thinking and fretting.....Thank you all for your thoughts.