Families of SOs Community Group
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My fiance is on the sex offenders registry for accessing WRITTEN stories of adults having sex with young people. No pictures whatsoever. He is due to come off the registry in may 2016. We have tried several churches to see if they fit with us, have explained the situation and some didn't sit well with us (I like up beat church), one church banned us from coming back which we moved on from.
So we go to the salvation army in January of this year, all looks good, explain the situation to a leader and all was sweet so we thought. My fiance volunteered in the red shield appeal and helped out and they were very appreciative. My fiance just recently espressed an interest in more volunteer work which required a police check, so we volunteered all the information freely to the captain and wait for it......... And here it comes.
The captain of the church calls us in for a meeting today with a contract for my fiance to sign.
He is only allowed to go to certain groups, Sunday worship and free community breakfast weekly
He is not allowed to sit in the vicinity of children only adults
He is only allowed to use the disabled bathroom and it must be checked by a salvation army officer before he enters
He must advise them if he intends to attend any other church of any denomination
He is not permitted to take his mobile phone onto the premises
He is not to use any electronics
They want the name of his parole officer - (he had one for the first 9 months of his sentence but not for 7 years now)
They want the names of 4 people in the church who will be available to see to it that he adheres to the conditions of the contract
And if he breaks any term of the contract he will be unwelcome
Note that we have both been attending this church for a whole year and NO incident has taken place
Needless to say we both left feeling dejected and feel like this is never going to end
I have advised my fiance not to sign it and feel we should just slip away
I mean just the other day when we explained the situation to the captain he said they would never stop us from worshipping with them
And one of the leaders of a group came up and said to my fiance that the people of the church see him the way God sees him even though society condems him
I thought we had found the right church for us
My fiance has never looked at pictures or even hurt a child
So we go to the salvation army in January of this year, all looks good, explain the situation to a leader and all was sweet so we thought. My fiance volunteered in the red shield appeal and helped out and they were very appreciative. My fiance just recently espressed an interest in more volunteer work which required a police check, so we volunteered all the information freely to the captain and wait for it......... And here it comes.
The captain of the church calls us in for a meeting today with a contract for my fiance to sign.
He is only allowed to go to certain groups, Sunday worship and free community breakfast weekly
He is not allowed to sit in the vicinity of children only adults
He is only allowed to use the disabled bathroom and it must be checked by a salvation army officer before he enters
He must advise them if he intends to attend any other church of any denomination
He is not permitted to take his mobile phone onto the premises
He is not to use any electronics
They want the name of his parole officer - (he had one for the first 9 months of his sentence but not for 7 years now)
They want the names of 4 people in the church who will be available to see to it that he adheres to the conditions of the contract
And if he breaks any term of the contract he will be unwelcome
Note that we have both been attending this church for a whole year and NO incident has taken place
Needless to say we both left feeling dejected and feel like this is never going to end
I have advised my fiance not to sign it and feel we should just slip away
I mean just the other day when we explained the situation to the captain he said they would never stop us from worshipping with them
And one of the leaders of a group came up and said to my fiance that the people of the church see him the way God sees him even though society condems him
I thought we had found the right church for us
My fiance has never looked at pictures or even hurt a child
First of all, I understand that each person is different number one. Number two, different churches have different polices, just like different doctrines (teachings).
Hear me in what I am NOT saying. I am NOT saying that you should just trust this person implicitly. I get that.
But it seems as if anyone... I mean anyone that doesn't like him... doesn't approve of him being in the church anyway... all they have to do is make 1 (that's right One) accusation and he is done.
So what, he accidentally brings his cell phone in... banned from the church? Ummm time to move on.
What if he's the only one that is able to call for help should the church get attacked and needs to call the police? Well... sorry that there were more victims. The guy that could have called who was in a safe place but he couldn't have a cell phone on him. Sorry about that.
C'MON.....REAAAALLLLY????
When I attend church I know where my boundaries are at, my pastors have entrusted me that I am an adult and that the men who provide the security to the church know that I am not a creep, or that I am acting "creepy". I don't go near the children's ministry, nor the crying room.
I can go to the bathroom by myself without having to ask. I personally CHECK the bathroom to make 100% sure that nobody is in the bathroom with me. I am conscience to LOCK the door EVERY TIME WITHOUT FAIL and make sure it is secure before I go and do my business. If the lock doesn't work I make darn certain I tell someone about it so that it can be fixed. I also make sure that I don't lollygag around too when doing my business.
It's a small church grant it but it really surprised me one day that one of the men that provide security for the church invited me over to his own home for a bi-weekly meal where others gather and we just talk about whatever.
When you act accordingly and with consistency like an adult... you will be treated like one.
I'm so glad we joined our church. It's a small church and the pastor has only been there a few years. Recently we found out that someone who was visiting our church once recognized my son from the registry and told our pastor. His attitude was so what? He appreciates the fact that my son doesn't volunteer to help out for certain church functions such as the annual Easter egg hunt. And he has never made my son sign any kind of contract!
Why not attend the church under that contract for 6 months then when he is off the registry? Then go find a church you really like and be done with it. Or don't sign the contract and go find a church now and don't volunteer so much. Churches are required by their insurance to background check their volunteers who work with children. Stay away from that in the future and when you are off the registry you should have less problems. of the volunteering requires a background just don't do it.
Seriously folks, this situation with the contract is ridiculous. We have to stop allowing people to treat us this way and attempt to take our dignity from us. Don't allow anyone to treat you in this manner.
As long as we allow people to treat us like Charles Manson type criminals or perverts and predators, they will.
Sometimes it is time to go on the offensive, as the best defense is an offense.
A few weeks after I was released from prison, I went grocery shopping. A female acquaintance spotted me and came over to "visit." She started talking and then she began to make comments about my crime, for which I was not even guilty, BTW. Then her comments turned a little catty and I stopped her right there. I said, " I went to prison for eight years for a crime I did not commit. Do you have a problem with that? I did not get angry or raise my voice, but I let her know that I was not going to listen or put up with her nonsense.
She stammered and said, "Well, no..." I cut her off and said, "Good, then we will get along fine."
I am not an agressive person, but I also am not about to allow people to treat me badly because of my conviction. Sometimes it is time to say "enough" and stand up for ourselves.
Your husband is not some kind of monster. For God's sake, he only read some erotic stories involving children. Don't allow them to treat you as if he is a guy like John Wayne Gacy or a serial child molester.
People can only take away your dignity and self-respect if you allow them to do so. Don't let foolish people like these church people take your dignity.
Find you a REAL church, as this is certainly not one.
Sometimes enough is enough.
rewdiazepam
I'm so glad this group exists you guys are fantastic
thank you
And may our Lord and the true Savior bless you and every family of and all us SO's out there,
sending spiritual hugs
fun12u