I heard someone speak recently about the effects of child sexual abuse on attachment. There were 3 categories. One was the child who just completely rejects the whole thing and lives in what is basically a kind of denial. Another was the child who lost their boundaries. This was the vast majority. The samples of the way the people spoke who were the examples were absolutely eerrie. The third group, a small group, were the ones who were able to make some kind of sense out of it and move on.

Everyone goes through this at their own pace. The woman who wrote "Courage to Heal", the book that brought the survivor movement into focus in the (I think) '80's said that it took her 20 years to forgive. And it just sort of happened. One day she noticed that the animosity was gone and she felt at peace.

We all hope that our children won't take 20 years to let it go, but all we can do is offer love. That's really it. Each will heal as they are ready to heal. But, of course, the way is made easier in the presence of love from another.

Thought. I was such in shock when CPS came. That I believe I didn't handle it well. To this day I still think I am messing up, since she is still so angry and blames him and maybe me for not leaving him. I just pray that it does not take as long as 20 years for her to heal.

Peek, my daughter says she has moved on however I don't think that this has happened yet. Again I'm just hoping that it doesn't take 20 years.

My life revolve and my kids and ensuring that they are loved, taken care of, and safe. I can ensure the latter two at the moment. But I have such a hard time showing love when my life is such in a turmoil right now.

You can go to www.bop.gov after he gets settled in and it will show you his release date.

I am here for you. It is so rough. I had hoped that my son was able to get probation, but the victims said they didn't feel safe with him on the street. I will be glad when at some time in the future, rehabilitation and counseling is used rather than years and years in prison. There is no word for the loss we all feel. I will pray for you and your family.

Nak thanks for the link however my husband is in California state prison and their seems their website does not show any release dates, unless their is another database.

Tears, thank you. How is your son doing? Has he settled in yet??

Thought, I wish my daughter would find solace in confronting my husband and get stronger however her lawyer asked for a 10 yr protective sentence from him.

Your daughter can reach out to him, and CA will allow her to have contact with him, as they know it will help in her healing.