You are in my prayers and we look forward to news that you, your husband and family are all together again.
God Bless you and your family.

Good luck tomorrow. Attorneys can usually predict the outcome as they work directly with the DA to come to some sort of agreement (Plea). I hope he gets probation. Fingers crossed.

Let us know how it goes!!

So the sentencing did not go as planned. He did not get probation like we hoped. He got 6 years at a state prison. I was told that he would have to do 85% of his time, but does anyone know how credit for time served is calculated here in CA..

I am so sorry! You'll make it through this, take it one day at a time :-(

Do you know where he is going? Thought knows a lot about the California prisons and so does Rew.

Independent. I don't know where he will be going. They said he may go up to the chowchilla prison here in Ca. I don't know if it is good or not.
I'm just so mad right now at the DA, because she and my daughter's lawyer made it like I was disregarding the safety of my daughter and the lack of assistance that I have been to my daughter since I keep in contact with my husband. The mad me feel like some sh*tbag!!

Yeah DA's have a feeling for the dramatic. They have a way of taking any action and over exaggerate it to make it sound like it is the most heinous action ever acted out by anyone. I hate DA's.

Sorry that he didn't get probation. DA's are a$$holes, and will do anything to get what they want.

Your husband will have to serve 85% of whatever his sentence was. If he was sentenced to 6 yrs, he will be required to serve 5 yrs 1 month and a week. If he takes any programs (AA, anger management, etc) he can receive a few days credit. He can also receive a few days credit if he completed any education there.

He will most likely be sent to a level 2 prison (he can't be sent to a level 1 due to his charges). I don't know about Chowchilla, but I know one of the best prisons to be sent to is Mule Creek in Ion. Every inmate wants to be sent there.

When he gets transferred to reception, send me a PM and I'll answer any questions you may have.

You said your daughters lawyer was with the DA? Is that what she wanted?

My daughter had told me on Friday that she wanted him punished but that it all depended on what the doctor said on his evaluation. Then her lawyer said that the last that they talked he said she wanted him punished and that I had no regards for safety. I think the DA and her lawyer were shocked that I even made a statement.

Hi, H3,
I understand what you are going through. I am on the other end of things as my husband is being released soon after several years in state prison for doing just about the same thing as your husband.

The beginning of this is worst part. People say horrible things to you and will even try to take advantage of you (like your situation is some kind of justification for them to abuse you!!).

One thing you have to keep in mind throughout this is that people are ignorant about these issues because they choose to be. Nobody wants to know the truth that sex offense happens mostly in families and with people who you know and trust. They demonstrate their ignorance through acts of judgment and self-righteous abuse. Prosecutors and CPS do it through glorifying the victim (and then basically dumping them when it is all over.)

This process is not healthy for anybody...not for anybody. Not even for the people whose wallets are fattened by our misfortune. For all the money they get, they add to their karmic debt at the very least.

I am sorry this is happening to you. And I am so sorry that your daughter is trapped in this hate game. The hate game is far worse than the acts themselves.

Don't listen to the ignorant people when they say that you had no concern for safety. They are just trying to make you responsible for something you never would have dreamed was going on. That is very ignorant thinking. As a counselor told me once, its like trying to figure out what the picture is on a thousand piece puzzle when you have 5 pieces. People's denial on this issue is so thick, you couldn't break it with a wrecking crew!

The best advice I can give you is to breathe. Really! Notice what you feel in your body. Cry when you need to. Other times, just breathe in the good, breathe out the bad. When you are filled with good, move on.

Its hard to play both sides on this issue. If you support your husband, people say bad things about you. If you support your daughter, you abandon your husband! The truth is that they both need you... and EVERYONE is ignorant about this issue and what is really going on. That is why it is so bad.

Please keep writing in. I found this group about a month after my husband's arrest. These folks were a lifesaver for me. We are all here to help. Bless you!

Thank you everyone for your support and words of wisdom. It does feel like I am drowning here. And Peek you are right of how everyone is being by me playing both sides. No one would really understand unless they were walking in our shoes. I even have my sister bad mouthing my husband and sometimes I just want to tell her to shut the hell up but I can't since she is helping me out with my children.

People just don't understand that you can support the abuser AND the victim. Somehow they think if you support the abuser, you don't believe the victim or you are downplaying the abuse. Neither is true, even my own daughter sees that. She never once felt like I was choosing hubby over her. I believed her when she disclosed the abuse, and I took action to stop it. I supported her in what she felt was Justice, and fought hard to help her get that (sadly, the DA felt that wasn't enough Justice).

Sorry for all you are going through right now h3lpm3.... (Hugs)

Thought. I think where I messed up at was when I had requestioned my about the abuse..I just couldn't believe that my husband would do this especially since I just had the baby 9 days before he got arrested. However I do believe her, especially since he came clean about it. I have supported her as much as I could with him at the same time. And he always questions me about how could I still talk to him and support him. I tell her that everyone deserves love and forgiveness. And that you can always love somebody and hate the sin that they did. I believe that She hasn't forgiven him. She's still working through her issues.

I understand H3, I was in utter shock when my daughter disclosed. I had to have her repeat it and then then I had to have her describe what actions he took before I could fully understand what she was saying. But, she also knew I believed her, as I took immediate action.

I know for our daughter, when she was able to confront him about the abuse, and he admitting to it, and not trying to turn it back on her, or anything, she saw the regret he had when he realized how much his actions hurt her. It was then, she was able to forgive him. Hubby has a hard time understanding why we still love and support him too. He has seen so many families walk away from their LO once they were convicted. And then being in prison, and more families walk away over time. He is great-full that we love and support him.

Maybe when the time is right, you can tell her that forgiveness isn't for her dad's healing (although it helps), but for her own. When she forgives, she releases the emotional hold they have on her. In essence, she takes back her control- something they struggle with. My daughter found her voice soon afterwards, and helps fighting back against these laws as much as she can. Doing so, she feels more empowered....I cant help but be proud of her for finding her voice...not my voice, her friends' voice, the DA's voice, our families' voice- but her own.

Even sharing her own story with others, your daughter can find her voice....I pray she finds it soon, as well as healing.