Families of SOs Community Group

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momfrommo 04/29/2015

Hello :).. New to the group and to this journey.. I joined this journey a few months ago when my son was picked up after school one day for questioning.. He hasn't been home since :'(.. We live in the state of MO where at 17 you are considered an adult when it comes to crimes.. A month prior to him being picked up he had consentual sex with a girl who was not of age to consent.. With him being of age to be considered an adult he is being held in an adult jail and charged as an adult.. They have charged him with several felony charges.. The prosecutor seems like they want to make an example of him (in my opinion).. Just this short time we have been dealing with this has been a total roller coaster, though its mostly a downhill roller coaster.. So many sleepless night, crying fits.. So many emotions and fears.. I've spent more hours researching and reading than I can even begin to count.. You know how it goes I'm sure.. Search for one thing.. Click on a dif link.. Which leads to another & another.. One night really early on as I did this I looked up and noticed I actually had 23 different pages open.. My bookmarks list has grown ridiculously long.. I've found some useful information.. I've also found plenty of terrifying information.. I'm so scared for my son and have no clue what to do or where to turn.. Even with all I have found I still have so many questions.. Ughh...

Independent2014 04/29/2015

First thing is first. don't talk to the police. If you have already do not say another word to them until you get the best attorney you can afford for your son.

Now the next thing to do is wait. These cases tend to take time, unfortunately that is the most excruciating thing to do. What questions can we try and help with?

Some good news though, depending on how old the alleged victim is, there has been a lot of new legislation that allows people to remove these types of crimes from their record.

Sorry you here, but glad you are.

Independent2014 04/29/2015

Err I'm tired. Last line should have read, sorry you are here but glad you are finding support here.

Advocate2 04/29/2015

So sorry - I know the anguish you are going through. Very true what is said - do not talk tot he police! you do not have to - and you do not have to tell them why either! get a lawyer or talk to the lawyer for your son. You know on the news when you hear the person is not cooperating? that means they have exercised their right not to talk - you also do not need to let them cross the threshold of your home without a search warrant -

ThoughtAsWeak 04/29/2015

Sorry you are here, but glad you found us.

momfrommo 04/29/2015

Ty everyone.. I just got off work and am running some errands.. Once I am home for the day I will try to compose and make sense of the questions and concerns I have.. Ugh.. This is such a mess..

Kittyk96 04/29/2015

I am very sorry you are going through this, but glad you found this forum, welcome. there are some very smart people here, hopefully you find some answers.

westdenali 04/29/2015

Strap on your seatbelt and hang on! You will go through many emotions. Disbelief, anger, sadness, the list goes on and on. Educate yourself in the criminal justice system. Know the process of what happens at each court appearance.

Prepare yourself for the worst and hope for the best. Support your son even if he did something against the law. Mark my words. Sometimes good people break the law. Does not matter if we think the law is wrong. It is what it is.

We are not perfect. Any of us. We have to support and love our family and loved ones.

I wish you the best but prepare for the rollercoaster. Stick with us and unload if you need to. That is what we are here for!

BrainInterrupted 04/29/2015

I am so sorry for what you are going through, yet this is probably the best place to get support. Obviously, do not talk to the police without an attorney being present - but you have already heard that.

Take this one day at a time. That is the only way to make it through.

momfrommo 04/29/2015

The prepare for the worst and hope for the best is something I have already been trying to do.. I have read what the possible sentencing can be for his charges so I have an idea what the worst case scenario is.. I do keep hope that it won't end up that way.. But don't let my hopes stay so high that it is a bigger let down if it does end bad.. I did hire a private attorney rather than letting him go with a public defender. I know some pur pic defenders are actually really good attorneys, but they also tend to have high case loads and can't always give a client the time and attention their case needs. Hiring an attorney is literally breaking me financially, but this is my sons life and future at stake.

rewdiazepam 04/29/2015

Momfrommo,

The smartest thing you have done is retain a private attorney. He can work the DA for a decent plea deal. Most PDs do not have the time to give their best to a client and they sometimes just take any deal the DA offers.

rewdiazepam

momfrommo 04/30/2015

That's what I felt to.. He came recommended by a few friends and because of those friends knowing him he is being very reasonable with me so far on payments.. I met with him again today.. He said he honestly doesn't feel this is gonna b a worst case scenario deal.. He said he feels the big goal is minimal if any time on the registry.. He knows my big goal is to have my family back.. We need each other.. His sister is a wreck without him cause when he's been in there she's been dealing with getting bullied and harassed and threatened by a group of girls over some petty teen girl drama.. She's in counseling and on meds due to the combination of all of this.. She cries to me all the time how she just wishes he was home to hug her and tell her its gonna b on.. He is her best friend and biggest protector.. Our family is so broken and incomplete rite now..

jennc77 05/02/2015

My boyfriend used a PD when he was arrested back in 2002 for having consensual sex with a minor. They told him to take a plea as it was the best he was going to get. He spent 8.5 years in prison and is on probation for the next 33 years. I was not part of his life back then but I know both him and his parents have said multiple times they wish they had gotten a real lawyer for him. This particular sex offense is horrendous if you ask me. These poor guys are marked for life as predators because they have sex with someone under the legal age of consent. It breaks my heart how many times people have referred to my bf as a pedophile. I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong.

momfrommo 05/06/2015

Ty.. Its rough and very scary going thru all of this

HankMoody 05/06/2015

momfrommo, just remember when dealing with the registry, the DA an judge, don't have much control. Many people have signed deals with no time on the registry, the law changes and a few years later they are told they have to register for life.

rewdiazepam 05/06/2015

Hank is spot on.

Most of the registration laws are written in the state statutes. The judges, DAs, or anyone else cannot change the laws or do anything which is contrary to the statutory language.

So don't let anyone tell you that he is getting a deal where there will be little or no time spent on the sex offender registry. If state law mandates that your son be on the registry for 10, 15, or 25 years for his particular crime, he will be on the registry for 10, 15, or 25 years regardless of what a DA tells you.

Make sure you and your son takes that in consideration as this case progresses.

rewdiazepam

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