I think the OP got great advice on forgiveness in her other thread.

This was a duplicate but included the 'is it possible he not have to register' question which ended us on this tangent.

He came across pictures (not even on a designated porn site) he saved some and clicked shared.
I just don't understand how this is happening to us.

His PO said he's tier 1. Whatever that means. I'm so clueless with all this terminology.

kim - where are your issues with forgiveness? The fact that he, with calculation, committed a horrendous crime and terribly victimized a child? Or the fact that he thoughtlessly got you in this mess (and yes, you are in it for a long long time) and that he may have ruined your life as you knew it.

I think you need to separate the two. "He came across pictures" sounds like the latter to me. You have every right to be angry and unforgiving. But that should be properly directed. Are you angry at him or the system?

Dixon,

Funny that you should mention a situation where someone was "just looking" at CP. A case in New York State a few years ago ruled that merely looking was not even illegal according to state law.

http://tinyurl.com/7yavqxb

Of course, the New York legislature fixed that the very next legislative session.

rewdiazepam

I'm angry about a lot of things. I'm confused too. I don't understand "why". Why did he look at those pictures?
Yes, our life feels ruined. I've heard over and over it's "do able"
I'm angry for our children's sake.

I'm not angry at the system so much. I understand and respect they are doing their job. However, I am, or I was angry at a detective who decided to share our situation, therefore got out into the community. That's a long story in itself.

Kim,

Your husband probably does not even know himself why he looked at those pictures. He cannot explain it to you because he does not even understand himself.

Kim, I have been through these situations and trust me, they are doable. You might have to change your mindset and how you think but there is no reason to think that this has ruined your life, your husband's life, or your family's life.

In the end, this might even make the bond between you two stronger.

Right now you are angry, upset, and just plain mad as hell at him for doing something so foolish----and that is OK; you should be and you should let him know how disappointed you are for what he did. Your feelings are important and they need to be validated. You are probably sort of in a grieving stage with many questions which have no answer.

Here are some suggestions that help many people-----First take one day at a time. I know it is a corny cliche, but it is so true in these situations. You cannot look too far ahead or you will overwhelm your mind with all these future possibilities, many of which may never come to pass.

Don't borrow trouble by guessing what may happen in the future.

Secondly, it is best to take these situations in perspective. He is not a monster, he did not molest or rape anyone, but he did do something really stupid.

Next, try to take this entire situation in stages----baby steps. Compartmentalize it if possible. Only concentrate on one thought at a time.

He will complete his probation, and be off the registry some day. Yes, your life will be different, but it is not ruined or over. You and your family will have to compensate for the registry restrictions, but you WILL get through this. You just have to relax and take everything very slowly.

Hope this helps. You have a bunch of wonderful people here who are a great source of support. You could not be at a better place than on this forum.

One last thing, thousands of people are dealing with the registry every day in this country and 99% of them are doing OK. If they can survive, there is absolutely no reason in the world that your family cannot do the same.

There is old song with the lyrics, "Ain't no such thing as always." This too will pass.

God Bless you.

rewdiazepam

Thank you so much Rew. I'm having the hardest time accepting this.
Months ago, he found this group. Recently told me about it and he remembered someone that goes by the name Rew. He said that person helps a lot of people. So, thank you!

I wouldn't be for decriminalizing CP. Watching anyone forced against their will but especially a child that hasn't hit puberty forced to have sex against their will--I don't understand how anyone can be okay with that. That should horrify everyone. Where I have an issue is the consensual acts between people who are on the last stage of development on the tanner scale, which is an adult. If the "child" is 16, fully developed, and is not forced to have sex, then I do not understand why we are calling it CP. They are a child in name and rule of law only, but they are a de facto adult. It is not and should not be seen as deviant behavior to find someone who is fully developed and sexually mature attractive. And under that rationale I can see decriminalizing certain aspects of the CP laws or vastly reducing the consequences. Where it is two consenting parties, and it is only considered CP because of the age, there would have to be other modifiers but something to this extent.

Now before people get up in arms and think I support the draconian laws, I think the state should have to prove the cause and effect. They say that the demand for CP causes more kids to be raped, show a factual basis for that statement. They say that people who look at CP are invariably going to go on to become sexual predators, again show a factual basis for this OPINION, not fact.