Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
But Rew, maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We haven't talked. Don't know if you have read where mine is now. It is amazing. A whole different approach to getting them ready to leave.
He is at a minimum security place, but not like anything he has ever been in before. It looks like a resort out in the woods. It is beautiful. No metal detectors for me to go through to see him. No guards watching you every second. Barely any cameras either. We get to go outside. Kids can play ball with their dad's and mom's, you can bring food in for them to eat, with you. I made him pizza from my work. A HUGE pizza. He ate so much he said he gained 3 lbs after I left. He had weighed himself in the morning, and then after I brought him all that food.
He can go outside on walking trails with the guys, or alone. There is no gate to stop anyone from leaving, but they don't. It's an honor system thing.
In the morning, they get them up early. They have to eat breakfast. He never used to. Then they line up and wait to see if their name is called for jobs around the place, or if not, they can go work out, shower, or go back to bed, or many other things.
He will work at different jobs there for awhile. He shoveled snow the other day. A few days before, it was 70 degrees out so he volunteered to rake and put out the picnic tables for the visits.
Eventually, in a week or so, he might get a job inside there, either in the kitchen, or the workshop. In 90 days or less, he can actually go out to a real company in a town 30 miles from there that hires them. He will get a real wage. They keep part of it, but he should bring home close to 2 grand. An inmate drives the workers to the job, without a guard, and picks them up.
It is teaching them how to get back into the real world. And teaching them there are fun things to do without drinking. He can go fishing there at the river that is small but has muskies, etc in it, and I get to buy him a fishing rod, and he can go sit by that river and fish for hours if he wants. He also gets to wear real clothes now. Jeans, T shirts, or more dressier shirts. It is awesome to see him without the prison scrubs.
He said if he had went to one of these before, not be treated so awful, maybe he wouldn't of come home so hateful, and ready to show the world he could finally do what he wanted, when he wanted, not rebel. I think this is the philosophy of this place.
I told him I want to see how I can stay there, it seems nicer that where I live. He said the guards really aren't even around them often.
They are pretty much on an honor system. They are put in a nice place, they have some responsibilities, such as working out in the yard, instead of staff doing it. But it is teaching him so much more. More than regular, horrible prisons have done in all the years collectively he has been in them.
Did you ever go to one of these Rew? It is amazing. He has had outstanding attention paid to his medical needs, the staff is kind, and not mean or bossy. As long as you follow a few easy rules.
This is more of the way non violent offenders, if not others should be treated if they expect them not to get out, freak out at all the changes from their prison life, and succeed.
We have 5 months left. Just 5!!! It still seems long, but now I don't worry about him so much.
I have had several mothers and wives question me lately about what to expect when their son comes home from prison. How will he act? Can he re-establish himself back into the community??
The former warden here does an excellent job mentioning what it is like for an inmate in prison AND for an inmate after he is released.
I hope this helps others.
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Of course I have been keeping up with the progress your guy has made in prison and the fact that he is close to his release date. I keep up with most everyone of my friends on all the sites I post.
You may not understand this and I don't want to embarrass you, but Wisconsin, you are a true inspiration to all the other mothers and wives who have a loved one in prison. I don't believe I have ever seen anyone so dedicated with such inner strength as you have while waiting for Ivan to come home.
You asked, "Did you ever go to one of these Rew? It is amazing. He has had outstanding attention paid to his medical needs, the staff is kind, and not mean or bossy. As long as you follow a few easy rules."
As a matter of fact, I as at one of these low security prisons for a few years after I left the medium security prison. When you described the wooded area, the hiking trail, and no razor wire fence, I thought to myself that "this is just like where I was at."
In fact, here is a picture of the last prison I was at----
http://tinyurl.com/zyu4r7m
Look familiar? This place was in Southeast Oklahoma, in the middle of nowhere. There were no fences, it was a mountainous area with pine trees all around, and we even had a walking track around the perimeter of the actual prison.
Just a pleasant place to serve time.
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Yes, this article said it all. But BrendaBell, maybe if it's their first time, it won't go like it did for mine. The more they go in, or the longer they are in, I think the worse it gets.
They get hardened to what they have had to endure. Kind of an acceptance in a way, and yes, I think that after awhile that routine is almost " safer" than being out here. There, they have a roof over their head, food, if you can call it that, and a set routine every single day.
Out here, too many responsibilities put on them too quick, too much drama, too many people critical of them, as the article said. There are too many expectations everyone has of them one way or another, and it gets too much. We found that out the hard way. It is easier to just sit there, knowing what to expect, knowing in there, people are all about in the same boat.
But, some make it out here just fine. It also depends on their personality to begin with. Mine has very low self esteem, bi polar and other things that contribute to his constant demise.
Your daughter and son in law have you and others who love them and support them. Mine only has me.. and that's the real truth. No one else writes to him, no one else visits him, no one else cares about him. So he comes out trying to prove to the world he isn't like they think. Then things get rough, and he can't take it.
We just gotta pray that they can be ok, and live through the ridicule they may face, the funny looks, like oh there he is, you know what he did? He is never going to make it out here, he will go back in... all of those and more . People expect them to fail. But with yours if this is the first time or two, they could be just fine.
Only thing he don't like is the 15 man room, but that will change in awhile to a 2 man.
Ironically a neighbor guy, that I can see his house as I type this, is in the top bunk above him.
They have deer that come right to the window, and they feed them out of their hands. They came up in the yard as people were playing in the grass with their kids.
I do think this place with it's whole different approach could be the key to whether they come out and do bad again or not. It is teaching them what life out here can be. I drive in there and feel peaceful, and know he is ok. That it isn't miserable there, that they are good to him, and hell, it is more like boy scout camp. LOL!
And yes Rew, I am strong, I guess. Don't mean I don't still cry or hate this whole thing. Just learned to get " used to it" to some degree after all these times waiting for him.
And even though he was awful the last time home, after a couple months, I see the real him, I see why he is like he is. I don't know that it is easy to think it could happen again. I try to hope for miracles but not expect them.
I miss him, I am mad at him, I love him, I feel sorry for him, and sometimes I say, You are where you pretty much asked to be by your actions. I don't feel sorry for me because I chose to stand by him. I pretty much don't have a choice because my heart won't give up on him.
But----and here is the problem----any problem they had when they went to prison----drugs, alcohol, mental disabilities, lack of motivation or work ethic----will be with them when they are released. Prisons are notorious for doing very little to rehabilitate a person. In this country, we use prisons as human warehouses.
So, when they are released, they have all their former problems, but also housing and unemployment problems. Add to that the felony blemish they have on their record plus the stigma of having been to prison, and you have a person with some difficulties ahead; and they will need some emotional and probably financial support from those that love them.
Most inmates are not evil people. Really. But many are damaged human beings in that they have no social skills, no communication skills, and are not prepared for the outside world.
I taught GED classes, but I also created another class called "Living Skills." This class, which was always full with a waiting list, was at the minimum security prison, so all the inmates there were within a couple of year of being released. In this Living Skills class, I taught inmates such things as how to balance a check book, how to write checks, how to do job interviews, how to wash their clothes (whites with whites and colors with colors), and basically some of the things they needed to know so they could survive on the outside.
I cannot think of any other prison that had a "Living Skills" class.
I liked working with inmates. I was the result of a false conviction, so I enjoyed helping the disenfranchised and the underdogs of this world.
Prison made me a better person. I am not happy I was there as it was a waste of eight years of my life, but it was an interesting and an educational experience.
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He can take educational and vocational classes. My son was in MN prison's and he took welding classes and computer classes. It's all about what they choose to participate in. Some like the Breaking Barriers is mandatory.
I think if you are in for a DUI, you should have to watch videos and listen to speakers from MADD, or other agencies. I think they should have to see a person affected by the death of someone they love by a drunk driver, and they should see a person handicapped permanently by one too. Maybe have to watch how they have to live now, and the therapy they go through as well as find out about the physical pain. None of that is ever done. Maybe if they saw it, not just be told about it, it would stop them later from driving drunk again.
ive seen and heard of guys goingg back in who did less time then what we had to do in some case they couldn't handle the real world in others it was housing problems (hear if you max out...do your full time and have no where to go they hand you a street swag and a train ticket ) others had problems with where they were living and ive also heard of guys having problems with there po.
For us i gess we have don ed things kinda easy D knew what money we had when he got out and what your bills are (i keept him up to date on that stuff) yes we did do a bit of shopping but i really didn't push him in to doing anything he didn't want to...his po on the other hand wanted to know why he wasn't working straight away keept pushing the community service stuff well that was to we pointed out that he needs a bit of time to adjust to the real world after that she backed off a bit.
my advice is take it easy on them let them work it out and just there for them.
sorry if this doesn't make much sense i was bitten about 3 times by a spider yesterday!
He helps me figure out what to do when something breaks down, who to call, or whatever. It does help me, and makes him feel although he isn't here to do those things himself, he is helping me.
We are planning on a trip when he gets out. It isn't a reward for him, it is necessary for US to re connect, before all the daily stuff happens, and we get back into the stressful things too.
We need the time to just be US, remember how to have fun together, before we do battle with the job things, and all the other daily routines that can be tough. We both have went through a lot during this 2 years, and we need this.
I need it!
Last time he started working within a week. It was too soon. So we will take about two weeks. I have money stashed away I don't touch no matter what has broken down. I sacrifice a bit of comfort now, for this. I hope it will make it easier for us both to transition back into being a couple again. We both have lived separately and had a hard time.
He did make a compensation to me. I had vehemently opposed that he start back at school again 13 days after he gets out. School, work, and all the other stuff is just too much. He wasn't happy. He wanted to finish up the Auto Technician course he had done for a year, but didn't complete because of the arrest. I just wanted him to go a bit slower this time. Not push himself too much. So today he asked me to get him registered to take a test he has to do, to re apply for the class but he won't start until January. He gets out in August. The place he is at, will actually take him to one of the campuses near there, that is affiliated with where he will go, so he can do the test. So that is ok. I will help him set it up.
And that day, he goes to a school, I suppose a guard may go with him, but they don't dress like prisoner's. He will get to be in a normal setting, doing normal things. That will make him feel good, and like he is starting to be part of the real world again.
The place he is at now is amazing. They are actually doing everything they can to help them get out and be ok. What a wonderful change this is.
Some of the criteria used to determine custody classification---whether the inmate will be housed at a maximum, a medium, or a minimum----are such things as----1) the length of the sentence, 2) the nature of the crime and if it is a violent or nonviolent crime, 3) if the offender is a repeat offender, 3) the age and the health of the offender, 4) if the offender has an escape history, 5) if the offender is mandated to take a special program which will only be available at a certain prison. Those are some of the criteria I can think of off the top of my head.
But the two most important criteria they use to determine if an inmate will be at a minimum or a medium is the length of the sentence and the nature of the crime.
@anotherbrokenheart, your son's security points will fall off with time. He should be minimum eligible in a year or a year and a half at the most. In most states every 120 to 180 days, the case manager will re-evaluate the inmate's classification and if his points have dropped enough, he will go to a minimum security prison.
But here is a link to the classification scheme Indiana uses to classify its inmates----
http://tinyurl.com/jm3ee8t
Read the report via the link. There are a lot of pages there, but you want the "custody classification" area. If you have problems understanding it, message me and I will help you out.
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You said, "I don't know how they follow their own rules."
Don't worry, many times they don't follow their own rules; they make the rules up as they go along.
After all, who is going to make them follow the rules? Certainly not the inmate as an inmate has zero credibility in prison.
As a law clerk, I did file a LOT of paperwork if prison staff did not do their job or follow the rules, and it helped in most cases, but sometimes no amout of legal paper work would help.
Yes, if you have not already figured it out, I detest the system for what it does to inmates AND their families.
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