Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Hello everyone.
I dropped my loved one off at prison a few days ago. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, knowing that I won't see him until the visitation paperwork process has been completed.
He didn't tell me right away. We'd start talking about the future and he'd get this funny look on his face. I tried to explain to him that he could tell me anything but it wouldn't be until months later that he revealed what was troubling him. I hate that he felt that he couldn't share this with me, in fear that I'd leave him.
But, I'd already known. I looked up his name and found out that way. I read a lot and had just experienced that moment when one of the main character's deep dark secret is revealed. When he finally told me, a week before his sentencing hearing, I cried with him. I'd finally met someone who made me happy and he'd be taken away from me, over a crime that happened a few years ago.
I'm sad without him. I'll be without him for almost 2 years. I'll be able to visit because he's only a few hours away. We've already been emailing through CorrLinks.
I joined this group because I know that I'll need you all's support and advice and words of encouragement. I never thought that I'd be dealing with this but I'm trying to face this head on. I'm anxious for this to be over with!!
To everyone who has a loved one in prison, how did you cope? How did you deal with nosy neighbors and friends asking questions? How did you keep yourself busy? How did you maintain continuous support to your loved one?
I dropped my loved one off at prison a few days ago. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, knowing that I won't see him until the visitation paperwork process has been completed.
He didn't tell me right away. We'd start talking about the future and he'd get this funny look on his face. I tried to explain to him that he could tell me anything but it wouldn't be until months later that he revealed what was troubling him. I hate that he felt that he couldn't share this with me, in fear that I'd leave him.
But, I'd already known. I looked up his name and found out that way. I read a lot and had just experienced that moment when one of the main character's deep dark secret is revealed. When he finally told me, a week before his sentencing hearing, I cried with him. I'd finally met someone who made me happy and he'd be taken away from me, over a crime that happened a few years ago.
I'm sad without him. I'll be without him for almost 2 years. I'll be able to visit because he's only a few hours away. We've already been emailing through CorrLinks.
I joined this group because I know that I'll need you all's support and advice and words of encouragement. I never thought that I'd be dealing with this but I'm trying to face this head on. I'm anxious for this to be over with!!
To everyone who has a loved one in prison, how did you cope? How did you deal with nosy neighbors and friends asking questions? How did you keep yourself busy? How did you maintain continuous support to your loved one?
I stay busy by volunteering at my church which brings me the comfort I need to cope with the thought of my only daughter being in prison. I try to force myself to go out with friends for lunch at least once a week. Sometimes I go out with a friend who knows my situation but it is also nice to be with someone that doesn't so I can take a break from talking about it.
My daughter and I email frequently during the day. I buy note cards at the Dollar store. This probably sounds silly but I bought stampers and ink at Hobby-Lobby. I stamp the back of the card envelopes with stamps that say "Thinking of You" and "Be Happy", etc. Sometimes I do an assembly line and stamp a bunch of cards all at once. Something about it is therapeutic. You can go on the USPS web site and order stamps with different designs. They are delivered to your home so you don't need to stand inline at the post office. Some days I can't think of anything new to write about so I just copy an interesting article or a prayer and put it in the card. I order magazines on Amazon which are delivered directly to her. These are things I do to support her. Oh, if you or someone you know is computer savvy print a roll of labels with your loved ones name, register # and address. This makes it so much easier than writing all that information every morning. I give labels to everyone I have told about her situation and ask them to drop her a note. My mother-in-law is unable to drive so I mailed her note cards with labels and stamps already on them. Now she feels needed and writes a note once a week then walks to her mailbox.
You will find your own methods of coping and supporting your loved one. It just takes time.
We go through so much, so it helps to know that others are too, and understand. We worry about each other and try to help each other.
I admit I still have rough moments every single day. I will until he is home. That's just normal.
To the people out there who chastise us for loving them, SHAME ON THEM!! RIght?
It is easier said than done to get off the couch, start crying, and somewhat try life without them. But it is necessary to our survival and theirs.
He does make lists for me to do, like the bills. I was bad at that when broke and depressed about him. I would forget things. So it helps me get these done, and makes him feel useful and part of our life. Lately we came into money we didn't expect. Not much, but a fortune compared to what I have had lately. So we sat and made a list of things to pay, and what to put in a savings account too. OMG SAVINGS>>>>> haven't had one of those in ages.
I am being very frugal with that money. Not spending it wildly or carelessly. Just nice to get the rent paid ahead of time, pay back my parents for stuff they helped me with and be able to get necessities. Hey, I even bought eyeliner without worrying I was wasting money.
The clue to surviving this is to get back to life again. Force yourself every day to a little more, each day. Crying on the couch helps nothing. Just makes it worse.
Go have FUN, if you even know what that means anymore. I still am not sure exactly what I would really like to do. Pretty much nothing without him. He was a huge part of my life. But he won't be home for over a year yet, and it does no good for him either for me to be so depressed.
Get busy with yard work, or sewing, or anything that takes time and energy. Helps sleeping problems too. I couldn't sleep in our bed for a year. No tv in there, and I would lay there missing him, and my mind wouldn't shut off. Now I got a digital antenna, so I don't have to pay for cable, and can have tv in the bedroom just to drown out the silence, and stop some of my thinking, til I sleep.
Just try any of my suggestions or others. You may see you feel a bit better.
It's been awhile since I've posted. I've just been going through the motions. I work, come home, email him or wait for a phone call, which comes about every other day.
We use Google Voice to talk to each other. You can set up a Google account and select a number with an area code that is where your loved one is being held. It costs way less!!! You all should look into it!
I cooked for the 1st time since he left. We used to cook together all of the time, every night or so. I haven't even been eating as much as I did when he was here. I know I've lost weight.
On the weekends, I haven't felt like doing a thing. We did a lot together and now that he's gone, I feel really alone. I have acquaintances and a couple friends here but I don't feel like seeing them. I just sit at home and maybe eat, watch tv, and then it's back to work on Monday.
I want to get out of the house but I feel withdrawn from the outside world. I've been waiting for the warm weather to arrive and now that it's here, I don't even care. I feel like no one understands what I'm going through. Aren't I allowed these times of feeling sad, especially at the beginning?
I know that one day, it'll get better. As the days go by, it has gotten better. Just going through the beginning stages of this.
Hope you ladies are doing alright!