Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
just a reflection from Hopin post,,,,,,,
I sat on it for a couple of days,,, thinking,,,, analyzing ( what I do best)
I love discussions like this,,, becasuse in reality,, there is no right or wrong answers,,, I do believe it's based on oppionions,,,,,,,
long gone the kool-aid mom,,,, yep we could blame woman's lib,,,, striving to make equals in the work force,,,, nothing wrong with that,,,,, many, many intelligent woman out there,,,,,
could blame the banks,, for making it way to easy to get loans,, beyond our capacity,, then unable to pay them back
blame my neighbor for buying a brand new sports car, for their 16 year old,, because now what in competion with the so called "jones"
blame fast food resturants for heart disease,, becasue it's so convient to just drive through and get food
blame the soda companies,,, to much consumed,, and tooth decay a problem
blame,,, the gun companies,,,,, how dare they make a weapond, with such force,,, but really it's the person pulling the trigger that kills,,
blame our court system,, for making divorce so easy,,,, whatever happen to "death do us Part"?
blame the dope dealers,,, for selling the drugs,,, when the user, had knowledge that " one fix is to many,, and second is not enough"
blame the doctors for continously writing perscriptions for pills,,, when really the person, takes the perscription to get filled
back in the day,, there was no such thing as retirment,, that did not come into play until the 1950,,, you worked until you died,,,,
when a child was created,, it was because a man and woman, fell in love, got married and procreated,,, now a days woman,, go to sperm banks and get pregnant,,,, credit,, was something you could pay back,,, usually in terms that was " i rub your back,, you rub my back,,,, you helped your neighbor,,,, not make life hell living next door,,,, Prayers were said together,,, you got your first car,, becasue you earned it,, not given to you by your parents,,,,,
times have changed,,,, alot of things for the good,,,,, but some kind of sad,, the value of family is gone,,,, respect for each other is gone,,,
so who do we blame,,,, not sure,,,,, I do know that for every thing we do,,, in this awsome country we live in,,, we have a choice,,,,,
so like I tell my kids:,,, you choose to get a job,, that starts at 6am,,, then you best be up a 5,,, if not then you need to get a night job,,,
you speed over the limit,,, and you get a ticket,, no one to blame but yourself,,,,
so at the end of the day,,, we all have choices,,,,, I choose to be a stay at home mom,,( could of had my entire 4 years of college paid for),,, I choose to work at a simple resturant and serve breakfeast( just love those customers),,,,,
so yea,, I suppose it's only human nature to point fingers, well things go crazy,,,and when things are great,,, we pat ourselves on the back,,,
I sat on it for a couple of days,,, thinking,,,, analyzing ( what I do best)
I love discussions like this,,, becasuse in reality,, there is no right or wrong answers,,, I do believe it's based on oppionions,,,,,,,
long gone the kool-aid mom,,,, yep we could blame woman's lib,,,, striving to make equals in the work force,,,, nothing wrong with that,,,,, many, many intelligent woman out there,,,,,
could blame the banks,, for making it way to easy to get loans,, beyond our capacity,, then unable to pay them back
blame my neighbor for buying a brand new sports car, for their 16 year old,, because now what in competion with the so called "jones"
blame fast food resturants for heart disease,, becasue it's so convient to just drive through and get food
blame the soda companies,,, to much consumed,, and tooth decay a problem
blame,,, the gun companies,,,,, how dare they make a weapond, with such force,,, but really it's the person pulling the trigger that kills,,
blame our court system,, for making divorce so easy,,,, whatever happen to "death do us Part"?
blame the dope dealers,,, for selling the drugs,,, when the user, had knowledge that " one fix is to many,, and second is not enough"
blame the doctors for continously writing perscriptions for pills,,, when really the person, takes the perscription to get filled
back in the day,, there was no such thing as retirment,, that did not come into play until the 1950,,, you worked until you died,,,,
when a child was created,, it was because a man and woman, fell in love, got married and procreated,,, now a days woman,, go to sperm banks and get pregnant,,,, credit,, was something you could pay back,,, usually in terms that was " i rub your back,, you rub my back,,,, you helped your neighbor,,,, not make life hell living next door,,,, Prayers were said together,,, you got your first car,, becasue you earned it,, not given to you by your parents,,,,,
times have changed,,,, alot of things for the good,,,,, but some kind of sad,, the value of family is gone,,,, respect for each other is gone,,,
so who do we blame,,,, not sure,,,,, I do know that for every thing we do,,, in this awsome country we live in,,, we have a choice,,,,,
so like I tell my kids:,,, you choose to get a job,, that starts at 6am,,, then you best be up a 5,,, if not then you need to get a night job,,,
you speed over the limit,,, and you get a ticket,, no one to blame but yourself,,,,
so at the end of the day,,, we all have choices,,,,, I choose to be a stay at home mom,,( could of had my entire 4 years of college paid for),,, I choose to work at a simple resturant and serve breakfeast( just love those customers),,,,,
so yea,, I suppose it's only human nature to point fingers, well things go crazy,,,and when things are great,,, we pat ourselves on the back,,,
Yikes, maybe I should be script-writing for George Lucas!!!
The Didn't cause it, Can't control it, Can't cure it is a 12 step slogan that really is not true. It was formed to make parents not feel guilty,
Was and is to me a Super offensive sentence... I do not care what statistics she throws out there at me that one line was heartwrenching to read and I was shocked that she felt that way....
Dee thank you for taking the time to write what I was feeling and Cardinal we KNOW you did not mean to stir up this pot..
We are all different, and we can agree to disagree but there is no need to be attacking me. You have a right to your opinion as do I. I have never said any of you cause your children to become addicts. I do not even know the circumstances, my thought was only to children who grew up with in an alcoholic home like myself and siblings, and yes I see how it affected all of us in different ways.
The 3 c's were put in place to help people from enabling, because you cannot control another person, not cure them of an addiction.
As a parent, I don't think I "caused" my son's addiction but I certainly accept that I contributed to it when I stayed in a dysfunctional marriage with an alcoholic husband. By the time I divorced him, my children had seen and heard things children should never experience. Two of my grown children are successful and contributing citizens, thank God, but my most sensitive adult child is homeless now after many years of battling alcoholism.
I cringe sometimes at AlAnon meetings because I agree with Katrinka that we are too often given a "pass". Every addict's addiction started with trying to escape or medicate something that could very well be traced back to childhood even if they cannot tell us what it might have been.
I think the truth lies somewhere between thinking we, as parents, had no part in the addiction versus thinking that there is blame that needs to be placed somewhere.
Sometimes we just have to "let it be" and stop trying to understand something that defies understanding.