Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Here's some more from my friend:
Have you ever heard people quote statistics regarding sobriety and recovery and relapse rates? They are absolutely terrible. For example: less than 5 percent of people in recovery will stay clean and sober for 1 year, or less than 1 percent of recovering addicts will stay clean and sober for 5 years. Sometimes you will hear figures that differ from these a bit, because it is very difficult to obtain accurate data. But regardless of these small discrepancies, the overall statistics that you hear about paint a very bleak picture of recovery. Regardless of whose stats you believe, it all adds up to the same thing: very few people manage to stay clean and sober.
When I was first getting clean and sober, I had a really hard time dealing with these statistics. My experience in the past regarding statistics and data has led me to put a lot of faith in numbers. So when I heard that the odds were stacked so heavily against me in recovery, I found it to be quite depressing. I asked my sponsor and other recovering addicts: why even try to stay clean, if the odds are so crummy? These people tried to assure me that it was still worth trying, and that many people do achieve long periods of meaningful sobriety. But I was never really satisfied with these answers. Even though they were reassuring answers, they didnt help to explain how the statistics could be so lousy. So I wanted to figure out the dismal recovery statistics and how I could manage to stay clean in spite of the overwhelming odds against me. In addition, I determined that if 95 percent of people relapse in the first year, then there must be a common thread among their experiences, and surely I can learn something from that and avoid a similar fate.
Those dismal recovery statistics first started getting me down almost 7 years ago, yet I have been clean and sober ever since then. Through it all I have lived in recovery and watched and learned from othersboth from peoples success in recovery as well as those who failed. And what have I learned? Well, the statistics all are all true, probably, but not necessarily in the way that you think.
Here are 3 reasons why those miserable relapse rates dont really apply to you:
1) You are self motivated a lot of those terrible relapse rates are derived from a large pool of people, many of which are not really interested in recovery for their own self. There are lots of people in recovery who are there for the judge, or the courts, or because of an angry spouse. They arent really there to recover for themselves (yet), so they essentially have a zero chance of maintaining any kind of long term sobriety. Unfortunately, these people get lumped in with the rest of us and make the relapse rates look that much worse.
2) We tend to put too much faith in numbers We get so much information thrown at us these days. Newspapers are filled with statistics and survey results and percentages about all sorts of different topics. Sometimes we just take for granted that everything is accurate and has been thoroughly fact-checked. Of course, even when the numbers are accurate, they can still misleading, which brings us to our next point
3) Statistics can be misleading As the saying goes, There are lies, there are damn lies, and there are statistics. Because of the reasons mentioned above, the statistics regarding relapse rates are particularly misleading. There can be 20 people in your AA meeting, and someone might say something like statistically, only 1 of us will still be sober in 5 years. This is probably true if you just take 20 people who quit drinking today and look at where they are at in 5 years. But that statistic is based on everyone who quits drinkingmany of whom wont even attend AA or seek any help at all. Even if the statistic is quoting relapse rates in AA, remember that many people are basically going to AA at the whim of the courts, and thus dont really want to be there. So remember that these statistics are made up of a very large and diverse group of people.
So if you happen to hear someone quoting the dismal relapse rates of recovering addicts and alcoholics, just nod your head and agree. Technically, they are right, and there is little point in arguing. Just know that if you are self-motivated and truly want recovery for yourself, then those statistics simply do not apply to you. Consider yourself one of the chosen ones!
Have you ever heard people quote statistics regarding sobriety and recovery and relapse rates? They are absolutely terrible. For example: less than 5 percent of people in recovery will stay clean and sober for 1 year, or less than 1 percent of recovering addicts will stay clean and sober for 5 years. Sometimes you will hear figures that differ from these a bit, because it is very difficult to obtain accurate data. But regardless of these small discrepancies, the overall statistics that you hear about paint a very bleak picture of recovery. Regardless of whose stats you believe, it all adds up to the same thing: very few people manage to stay clean and sober.
When I was first getting clean and sober, I had a really hard time dealing with these statistics. My experience in the past regarding statistics and data has led me to put a lot of faith in numbers. So when I heard that the odds were stacked so heavily against me in recovery, I found it to be quite depressing. I asked my sponsor and other recovering addicts: why even try to stay clean, if the odds are so crummy? These people tried to assure me that it was still worth trying, and that many people do achieve long periods of meaningful sobriety. But I was never really satisfied with these answers. Even though they were reassuring answers, they didnt help to explain how the statistics could be so lousy. So I wanted to figure out the dismal recovery statistics and how I could manage to stay clean in spite of the overwhelming odds against me. In addition, I determined that if 95 percent of people relapse in the first year, then there must be a common thread among their experiences, and surely I can learn something from that and avoid a similar fate.
Those dismal recovery statistics first started getting me down almost 7 years ago, yet I have been clean and sober ever since then. Through it all I have lived in recovery and watched and learned from othersboth from peoples success in recovery as well as those who failed. And what have I learned? Well, the statistics all are all true, probably, but not necessarily in the way that you think.
Here are 3 reasons why those miserable relapse rates dont really apply to you:
1) You are self motivated a lot of those terrible relapse rates are derived from a large pool of people, many of which are not really interested in recovery for their own self. There are lots of people in recovery who are there for the judge, or the courts, or because of an angry spouse. They arent really there to recover for themselves (yet), so they essentially have a zero chance of maintaining any kind of long term sobriety. Unfortunately, these people get lumped in with the rest of us and make the relapse rates look that much worse.
2) We tend to put too much faith in numbers We get so much information thrown at us these days. Newspapers are filled with statistics and survey results and percentages about all sorts of different topics. Sometimes we just take for granted that everything is accurate and has been thoroughly fact-checked. Of course, even when the numbers are accurate, they can still misleading, which brings us to our next point
3) Statistics can be misleading As the saying goes, There are lies, there are damn lies, and there are statistics. Because of the reasons mentioned above, the statistics regarding relapse rates are particularly misleading. There can be 20 people in your AA meeting, and someone might say something like statistically, only 1 of us will still be sober in 5 years. This is probably true if you just take 20 people who quit drinking today and look at where they are at in 5 years. But that statistic is based on everyone who quits drinkingmany of whom wont even attend AA or seek any help at all. Even if the statistic is quoting relapse rates in AA, remember that many people are basically going to AA at the whim of the courts, and thus dont really want to be there. So remember that these statistics are made up of a very large and diverse group of people.
So if you happen to hear someone quoting the dismal relapse rates of recovering addicts and alcoholics, just nod your head and agree. Technically, they are right, and there is little point in arguing. Just know that if you are self-motivated and truly want recovery for yourself, then those statistics simply do not apply to you. Consider yourself one of the chosen ones!
If you go to a rehab, I know the ones my ex ad went to, and he went to many, alot of them gave satistics on recovery rate. If you are entering the field of addiction you are told the recovery rate and told not to get so excited as majority don't get and stay clean. Recently on the news program about heroine addiction a rehab in FL gave the percentage of herione addicts that will relapse it was either 15% or 20% will relapse within the first three months.
Everyone keeps statistics for just about everything. Learned all about databases this year in college and we like to keep data. There are people who do nothing else.
The census keeps satistics. This how we know were poeple are moving, amoung other things.
As someone who has never done drugs being married to a alcoholic or a addict I liked knowing the satistics. It helped me see what a losing battle I was fighting. Neither of the addicts in my life have remained clean. Of all the men and women that we're in rehab with my ex majority relapse. Some of these people were great I hated when they relapse. A couple died.
For me if I post a statistic I have checked it or it was given to me by a rehab. Since this board is for families and friends of addicts then I feel it is fair for them to know what the odds are of their love one recovering. Its always great when one does get clean and stay clean but too many woman waste many years hopeing and waiting for the man in their life to get and stay clean. I was one of them. It is not a great thing to know you waited 20 yrs for one alcoholic to get clean then to wait 12 yrs for a drug addict to get clean. I wish someone would of told me the satistic's yrs ago and I wish I would of got the help I needed to see I can not make the addict get clean only they can. Since the internet there is alot more information. All you have to do is Google or use any other search engine.
Even the census is not accurate. They just capture the number of people who respond and/or who they can find.
I guess my hope is that people on this site can see more than one opinion. I come here and see people come and go and only a few of us remain. It's good to have differing opinions.
And yes, the internet can be good. However, anybody can put statistics out there and/or preach what they want. And sometimes that information can be dangerous. You have to be careful. And I say this not only about addiction information, but medical as well.
I remember struggling with whether or not to leave my ex's. and no matter what I read or what I was told...when I was ready, I left.
Of course, I don't feel either was a waste of time. With my 1st husband I have two beautiful children and now one fantastic granddaughter. With my 2nd I truly found love when he was clean. Especially since I'd known him since childhood. He taught me it was o.k. to love and let the wall down. He showed me it was o.k. to let someone touch me and not try to hurt me. Yes, he relapsed. Yes, the man I love is gone. But I still cherish the clean years we spent together.
My first Alanon sponsor told me the best thing. We don't know what tomorrow holds. But if it's good today....enjoy it, embrace it. She also told me if it feels good in your head, in your heart and in your stomach....do it.
I feel we are on this earth for a blink of a eye and I want to live the remainder of my life with someone who shares common goals with me. I have been in counseling for 2 years and do know why I married the men I did but I hope others who are younger do not waste their lives on someone who will never put them first. Will always be looking for their next high. I feel this way as I feel for my own adult daughters I want them to have a happy life not waiting and waiting and then still hopeing and waiting as I did. Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, months into years before you know it decades have passed and this person you married still is doing all the same things. Sometimes we have to wake up.
Since I am a avid genealogist the census are important to me. They tell so much I wish this census would of been better but we are now too politically correct so don't ask the same questions.
I've been on this forum a long time several years and have seen people come and go that is the nature of the boards. I hope they look get info, check info and learn. We can not always agree but we are all here for the same reason to help others who have been through love ones addictions.
No one know the future but I do plan to never live with another addict ever !!!
And I do see young women on here and I want to tell them...run.....
I talked to one of the women my ex took up with and she said he was "ok" at that point. Well, less than one year later, her sons tried to kill him because he was beating her. I actually feel sorry for the women who take him in, because the man I knew is gone and now he only cares about a roof over his head and some woman to buy his crap.
If a person relapses once during the year and then immediately uses the tools learned in rehab to get back on track, does that count as a relapse? I would consider that to be a success.
If a person was a heroin addict and was able to quit everything except marijuana for a year, is that considered a person who is not clean, showing up as a failure? Or is that a success?
Do they have separate statistics for people who followed the recommendations of the program? Are those success rates different?
If a person has been to rehab more than once, do the success rates improve with the repeat visits?
The facility where my son went had a more detailed study performed by a local university and were able to correlate success and relapse rates with some of the behaviors. One that sticks in my mind is that of the persons who went back to using drugs, 100% were still hanging out with the same friends as before going to rehab.
Have to also say, though, that my years in Alanon and when my 1st ex was in AA and we lived and worked that program...were the BEST years of my life. It's basically a program of rigorous honesty. And when we can't do it, there's someone to help.
Actually, these support groups somewhat follow that model. We support each other. We are not alone. And I can talk to someone who truly understands.
I even wonder if either of you bothered to read any satistical facts and they can't all be wrong. There are always exceptions and you both only have your experience as do I.
In my husbands questionaire it asked for length of clean time, were there any slips, did you get back on track plus other questions, how long, etc.
Everytime someone goes to rehab a paper trail is left there, rehabs keep track of satistics so they can get funding and other resources. They know the ones who keep coming back.
In this day and age computers can do anything they have software to cover anything and software which can be built specifically to your needs. So satistics are alot more reliable then years ago.
Both of you are trying to support AA is all I can figure, its fine with me if you like AA I don't and thats okay too. We all like different things so just like AA doesn't fit for everyone neither does Smart. But giving people a option is important.
This board is to help people not try to confuse them.
As they say in Alanon "take what you want and leave the rest".
I think you and I are both in agreement we just get there by alittle different path and thats okay as long as we get there.
My comment ties in with another of your comments that you would hate it if someone took your advice and regretted it. I think those of us who have been on this journey for a while would all agree that anyone receiving advice from another person is wholly and solely responsible for what they do with it. If someone comes here and asks for our opinions, we can give them without fear or favour.
Many people told me to leave for years and I didn't. But I will never know whether they should or shouldn't have advised me to leave. They were like droplets of water that eventually filled the bucket. One of them said "we stay until the price gets too high" and I found this to be true in the end. The thing is, the adult (often the mother) stays because the price of staying is worth it for her. However, she has a duty to consider whether the price is already too high for the children.