Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Here's some more from my friend:
Have you ever heard people quote statistics regarding sobriety and recovery and relapse rates? They are absolutely terrible. For example: less than 5 percent of people in recovery will stay clean and sober for 1 year, or less than 1 percent of recovering addicts will stay clean and sober for 5 years. Sometimes you will hear figures that differ from these a bit, because it is very difficult to obtain accurate data. But regardless of these small discrepancies, the overall statistics that you hear about paint a very bleak picture of recovery. Regardless of whose stats you believe, it all adds up to the same thing: very few people manage to stay clean and sober.
When I was first getting clean and sober, I had a really hard time dealing with these statistics. My experience in the past regarding statistics and data has led me to put a lot of faith in numbers. So when I heard that the odds were stacked so heavily against me in recovery, I found it to be quite depressing. I asked my sponsor and other recovering addicts: why even try to stay clean, if the odds are so crummy? These people tried to assure me that it was still worth trying, and that many people do achieve long periods of meaningful sobriety. But I was never really satisfied with these answers. Even though they were reassuring answers, they didnt help to explain how the statistics could be so lousy. So I wanted to figure out the dismal recovery statistics and how I could manage to stay clean in spite of the overwhelming odds against me. In addition, I determined that if 95 percent of people relapse in the first year, then there must be a common thread among their experiences, and surely I can learn something from that and avoid a similar fate.
Those dismal recovery statistics first started getting me down almost 7 years ago, yet I have been clean and sober ever since then. Through it all I have lived in recovery and watched and learned from othersboth from peoples success in recovery as well as those who failed. And what have I learned? Well, the statistics all are all true, probably, but not necessarily in the way that you think.
Here are 3 reasons why those miserable relapse rates dont really apply to you:
1) You are self motivated a lot of those terrible relapse rates are derived from a large pool of people, many of which are not really interested in recovery for their own self. There are lots of people in recovery who are there for the judge, or the courts, or because of an angry spouse. They arent really there to recover for themselves (yet), so they essentially have a zero chance of maintaining any kind of long term sobriety. Unfortunately, these people get lumped in with the rest of us and make the relapse rates look that much worse.
2) We tend to put too much faith in numbers We get so much information thrown at us these days. Newspapers are filled with statistics and survey results and percentages about all sorts of different topics. Sometimes we just take for granted that everything is accurate and has been thoroughly fact-checked. Of course, even when the numbers are accurate, they can still misleading, which brings us to our next point
3) Statistics can be misleading As the saying goes, There are lies, there are damn lies, and there are statistics. Because of the reasons mentioned above, the statistics regarding relapse rates are particularly misleading. There can be 20 people in your AA meeting, and someone might say something like statistically, only 1 of us will still be sober in 5 years. This is probably true if you just take 20 people who quit drinking today and look at where they are at in 5 years. But that statistic is based on everyone who quits drinkingmany of whom wont even attend AA or seek any help at all. Even if the statistic is quoting relapse rates in AA, remember that many people are basically going to AA at the whim of the courts, and thus dont really want to be there. So remember that these statistics are made up of a very large and diverse group of people.
So if you happen to hear someone quoting the dismal relapse rates of recovering addicts and alcoholics, just nod your head and agree. Technically, they are right, and there is little point in arguing. Just know that if you are self-motivated and truly want recovery for yourself, then those statistics simply do not apply to you. Consider yourself one of the chosen ones!
Have you ever heard people quote statistics regarding sobriety and recovery and relapse rates? They are absolutely terrible. For example: less than 5 percent of people in recovery will stay clean and sober for 1 year, or less than 1 percent of recovering addicts will stay clean and sober for 5 years. Sometimes you will hear figures that differ from these a bit, because it is very difficult to obtain accurate data. But regardless of these small discrepancies, the overall statistics that you hear about paint a very bleak picture of recovery. Regardless of whose stats you believe, it all adds up to the same thing: very few people manage to stay clean and sober.
When I was first getting clean and sober, I had a really hard time dealing with these statistics. My experience in the past regarding statistics and data has led me to put a lot of faith in numbers. So when I heard that the odds were stacked so heavily against me in recovery, I found it to be quite depressing. I asked my sponsor and other recovering addicts: why even try to stay clean, if the odds are so crummy? These people tried to assure me that it was still worth trying, and that many people do achieve long periods of meaningful sobriety. But I was never really satisfied with these answers. Even though they were reassuring answers, they didnt help to explain how the statistics could be so lousy. So I wanted to figure out the dismal recovery statistics and how I could manage to stay clean in spite of the overwhelming odds against me. In addition, I determined that if 95 percent of people relapse in the first year, then there must be a common thread among their experiences, and surely I can learn something from that and avoid a similar fate.
Those dismal recovery statistics first started getting me down almost 7 years ago, yet I have been clean and sober ever since then. Through it all I have lived in recovery and watched and learned from othersboth from peoples success in recovery as well as those who failed. And what have I learned? Well, the statistics all are all true, probably, but not necessarily in the way that you think.
Here are 3 reasons why those miserable relapse rates dont really apply to you:
1) You are self motivated a lot of those terrible relapse rates are derived from a large pool of people, many of which are not really interested in recovery for their own self. There are lots of people in recovery who are there for the judge, or the courts, or because of an angry spouse. They arent really there to recover for themselves (yet), so they essentially have a zero chance of maintaining any kind of long term sobriety. Unfortunately, these people get lumped in with the rest of us and make the relapse rates look that much worse.
2) We tend to put too much faith in numbers We get so much information thrown at us these days. Newspapers are filled with statistics and survey results and percentages about all sorts of different topics. Sometimes we just take for granted that everything is accurate and has been thoroughly fact-checked. Of course, even when the numbers are accurate, they can still misleading, which brings us to our next point
3) Statistics can be misleading As the saying goes, There are lies, there are damn lies, and there are statistics. Because of the reasons mentioned above, the statistics regarding relapse rates are particularly misleading. There can be 20 people in your AA meeting, and someone might say something like statistically, only 1 of us will still be sober in 5 years. This is probably true if you just take 20 people who quit drinking today and look at where they are at in 5 years. But that statistic is based on everyone who quits drinkingmany of whom wont even attend AA or seek any help at all. Even if the statistic is quoting relapse rates in AA, remember that many people are basically going to AA at the whim of the courts, and thus dont really want to be there. So remember that these statistics are made up of a very large and diverse group of people.
So if you happen to hear someone quoting the dismal relapse rates of recovering addicts and alcoholics, just nod your head and agree. Technically, they are right, and there is little point in arguing. Just know that if you are self-motivated and truly want recovery for yourself, then those statistics simply do not apply to you. Consider yourself one of the chosen ones!
And my kids...that is the main reason I left both of my exs.
Alot of woman who are married to addicts and alcoholics are codependent and abused if you don't tell them to leave there is alot more peace and eventually you are happy. If husbands does sober up you can always go back to him. Number one reason woman stay is because they are afraid husband will sober up and another woman will be happy with him. So instead they stay for years enduring a life that is less then great for the wife and children.
It isn't good to encourage codependency. Woman need to take reponsibility for their life, their happiness. Most woman are only here on this forum for a short time, then they are gone you have to tell them the truth, the facts so they can make a informed decision.
So according to rehab number 4 ex went to if your under age 30 the chances of you getting and staying clean is higher then if addict is older. If he hasn't cleaned up by 40's his chances of getting clean get slim until he is older and then they finally do quit. In the mean time some woman has now stayed waiting for this man to change for 30,40, or more years, he finally quits when he in his 60's. She could of been living a life for herself instead of waiting for the man to make changes and finally quit. Sure their are exceptions as there are exceptions to anything.
But as they say hind site is 50 - 50.
That does not stop me and others doing this, because I am mainly interested in assisting the ones who do listen, and also the ones who are like I was. I listened, thought about it, and decided to stay. I was always respectful to advice-givers but made my own decision.
It's not good to encourage codependency - how true that is. Another way I try to live is with appropriate boundaries in everything I do. This is a journey and I will still be trying and learning until I die. I try to keep my posts short and to the point, and stick to the key messages that I think have the best chance of being helpful for others or myself. I'm not here to debate with others or spill my feelings without limits - my top priority is my real life outside of DS, where I have responsibilities to my kids, myself, my partner and my job.
This place is an excellent addition to my life, where I learn valuable information and skills, and get to practice better choices with mostly like-minded people. I am so appreciative of the support I get that helps me practise healthy boundaries. People who have not started this journey (that we're all on for whatever reason), aren't equipped to help me make the changes I need to make. This group is one of the places where I can find a number of people who are helpful for me on my journey. And it's good for me to mindfully share what I've learned if it helps others.