I meant to say, "in addition to the therapist" not "other than". Oops!

I know your glad that over with. Sounds like ex is controlling abusive type.
I know in my area there are no teen groups in this ocuntry we need a major waking up of the drug problem. I watch a show today on the epidemic of meth and a judge said throwing them in jail isn't the answer. They need counseling, group therapy and to held accountable for their acctions. The Ellis Institute is in NY they did have group therapy maybe you can check into that.

Don't confront him without back up help-a crisis unit, at therapy, etc. It may be a good time to get him to comply to inpatient rehab. Pretty much, yes those are the signs he's dealing drugs, enjoying the cash, ands supporting a worsening habit. DON"T buy his bs excuses in any form. He already feels he's getting over on you and believe it or not the tougher (with love) you are now, the more respect he will have later when his head is clear. If he can con you, he thinks your stupid, if you can be tougher than the drug by supporting him to get clean, you become a strength he can count on.
Also, with my son, it seemed the more he knew. I knew about the drugs , the more open he was with using. Trying to hide it all the time seemed to keep it a little at bay because most of the time he would have been found out. At 17, you still have the power to put him in the hospital / treatment, esp. if he presents a danger to himself or others. After he turns 18, you then have no power what so ever , it will be all on him.
And mom, there's no judging you. You didn't raise him to be involved in drugs. Some kids are just going to find their way. My own son really kept it hidden, until he demanded to be taken to the hospital emergency room or given money to buy his own 'medicine.' My heart sunk, I knew what he was talking about. We had been worried he was drinking and smoking weed. LOL. This boy wasn't able to get his ear pierced because he thought it hurt too much! That same day, I took him to the ER, had the heroine addiction verified and then proceeded to find my husband's diabetic needles, with some strange postage stamps and a black spoon hidden in my car. And weird as this sounds, to this day, I thank God, he had clean needles for both himself and his friends who fell for this disease.! But good luck, it won't be easy-teens are a tough age group-his peer groups are hard to come by for rehab-drugs for kids means fun, easy women, popularity, confidence, etc. They don't relate well to older people who suffered loss due to addiction-drugs have had a pretty positive effect on their young lives as they see it-and they definitely don t see the future. God Bless and good luck. Truely giving it up to God was the only thing that has brought me through the last 7 years-and its not over yet. But we will get there!
GDN

I remember what you said about the teen clinic and NA - they were more harm than good and I doubt anything has changed. It might need to be just you and the therapist if there's nothing else around. Inpatient care sounds appealling, but I don;t know how practical that is where you are. I remember someone else saying that you can't always force admittance due to different laws in different states.

You can always set your own boundaries. At least he has been forewarned and has no excuse for not knowing that you will control what happens under your own roof, and you will care for him enough to confront him when he would rather use in secret.

Your ex sounds like hard work. Not helpful at all. What sort of custody situation do you have - do you need to deal with him regarding your son? Maybe you don;t need to be talking on the phone right now and can use other methods of communication. I don't know. I just hate it when an ex hassles a parent who is bending over backwards to do the right thing. Anyway, keep up the good work.

As far as having someone else in the house when I confronted my son, my husband was nearby. And my blessed Aunt who unfortunately had to go through something very similiar with her son, has been an amazing well-spring of support and info. (She's a nurse and also volunteers at our local drug crisis center.) We just found out that there are a couple of AA groups that target teens & a very close, trusted friend (who's been in recovery for 20 plus years) has offered to 'chaperone' our son at meetings. As 'they' say it doesn't matter if your drug of choice is alcohol or not, a drug is a drug is a drug. (Different drug counselor told my husband & I that AA is more serious---than NA--- & has better results most of the time.) We can at least check them out. If not what we need, I will increase individual therapy. Thanks again for all the advice & support everyone.

That's good to hear there are some other group meeting opportunities. Your Aunt sounds like an angel sent by God himself - what a wonderful support for you at this time.

It's very concerning to read about dealers infiltrating NA meetings - I was naive and didn't know about that. I wonder if AA is different because it's a legal drug that basically anyone can access any time. So there's no incentive for dealers to invest a lot of time acting like people in recovery there.

I do agree with you - 12 step based programmes share the same kind of steps - there are many flavours but the same approach. Make use of whatever supports you can, take the good and leave the rest.

AA is not different. My son told me last week that his roommate, Danny, met a "sugar daddy" at an AA meeting. This guy is 37 years old and Danny is 19. He has been providing him with hard drugs, including heroin. He bought him a new phone. I suspect he may also be the reason Danny suddenly had the cash to pay the rent.

My son believes the guy is after sex (Danny is gay). That's a good possibility, but I also think that he may be setting Danny up as a heroin dealer.

There has to be a special place in hell for people who go to NA meetings and AA meetings to pick up young people and give them more drugs.

Fortunately, we have a family friend and we have family members who have stepped forward and have offered to chaperone & support our son at meetings. I'm trying to stay positive. There will always be negative temptations in the world---we do all that we can & provide all the help that we can, without enabling. And the rest is up to our son.

I used to go to NA meeting with my sister, and we live in a small city. One day I was walking out of a meeting with her and one of my fiancee's aunts saw. She called children's services on me, stating I was secretley using drugs and she knew this. Nothing came of it, but my extreme anger, so I definitley give kudos to those who will go with his to his meetings.