Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

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Son's Treatment Choice - I want to scream

deleted_user
deleted_user
Jail-bound son's latest letter says he wants to use the State issued (Rule25) treatment voucher to go to The Union Gospel Mission vs. a Duel Diagnosis treatment facility we've recommended. We his parents, his lawyer and his most recent drug treatment counselor all disagree with his choice. We also think he's being influenced by his jail-mates b/c it's easy. Even though we financially support this agency I don't think it's a good choice. I'm in the middle of trying to write him one last letter b-4 he's released on the 30th and want to express my opinions but need some thoughts from you guys on what you've heard or think about a Mission setting vs. formal treatment that handles duel diagnosis. Am I being too harsh on the mission?
jainlor
jainlor
my opinion? if he thinks this place will help him then it probably will! sometimes what we think is the best for our children isn't the best. God knows all, and he knows what your son needs. i will pray for him regardless of what he chooses but ultimately he gets to choose. if we choose for them, that doesn't usually work....just builds resentment.
I looked it up online and it looks like a good good place. many moms would wish their sons would choose to go there i am sure.
wishing you much strength and wisdom for the days ahead :)
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
The good news is....he wants to go somewhere...or is at least willing to go somewhere.
The bad news? not where you chose....I wonder if after he is at his choice he could switch (with their help) over to the other place?
He has probably heard horror stories about the "nuthouse"one or something along those lines.
State your opinion, and the extra benefits....and swear undying support for whichever he chooses. Then pray it works.
beantown
beantown
I have to agree. If you push one place over the one he'd rather go to, and things don't work out, he'll blame you for making the choice for him. I learned that from my son who told me that his first rehab (which we made him go to and which was the costliest, by the way) was a total waste of time and money because he didn't want to be there and didn't want to listen to anything "they" had to say. Same thing happened when we selected his halfway houses for him. Part of recovery is making choices for yourself and dealing with the fallout when those choices turn out to be less than ideal.
katrinka
katrinka
No you are not being too hard on the mission. I agree with you and counselor. Majority of mission rehab's have very low success rates. I would still try to get him to go to dual diagnosis treatment center. My ex went to several mission type and always relapse. I think it was because he didn't get the counseling he really needed. When counseling was available it was always being canceled.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks everyone for your thoughts & suggestions. Based on your comments I'm taking the high road on this yet am going to express my concerns, set out a few pros and cons and then pray he makes a decision that he can follow through on. One screw-up and he goes straight to prison. Yikes, this is so hard!
beantown
beantown
Good luck. That's all you can do. Present the information, and based on that, he can make HIS choice, for better or for worse.
dmatt124
dmatt124
Hi cry dee, I think you have to express your concerns as a mom and someone who cares. I will say this I think in the end if you son wants to get well, and really wants to live a sober life it's up to how he will embrace whatever treatment he receives. I wish I could offer,ore on the missions but I know nothing about them, but do what you feel in your heart, hugs and I will pray that your son makes the right choice,
deleted_user
deleted_user
Only time will tell if he makes the right decision or not and really if he is ready anywhere can work. We spent thousands of dollars sending my son to the "best" rehabs and in the end what worked for him was he was arrested and put in jail (he moved across the country) and he ended up being sentenced to a year long rehab. People I talked to out there told me he does not belong there but in the end that is exactly what he needed. It turned out to be the best thing for him. It was hard I did not see him for 18 months because I refused to fly across country to sees him in jail. Then we waited until he was doing well in the rehab. So I have no idea how mission rehabs work but in the end it may not be ok. Best of luck.
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