Read the post "Do I Sound Like You?" There is hope....don't give up

SHENDELZARE:
I took the liberty of poking around your profile and I read some of the disturbing journal entries that you wrote after your initial comments on the original post. The pain and anger you are going through are palpable. It breaks my heart that you are taking them out on yourself. You tell me that "it was the girl that turned [your] life around." I'm thankful that you had a girl in your life to focus your recovery on. But we all know that we all have to come to terms with ourselves,to grow to "love" or at least accept ourselves, warts and all, before we can successfully engage with another person. And we all know recovery has to be done for the addict's sake, not for the sake of another. You are a bright, witty, passionate, engaged individual from what I can glean from your writings. But it's obvious, to me at least, that you have no compassion for yourself, never mind love. I'm not going to get into your anger issues with your family. But it's apparent that you are taking all that anger and hatred and mostly directing at yourself, and that until you manage to forgive yourself for all your "sins" you will not find peace. Please get some help and stop punishing yourself. Maybe then you will also stop punishing others. You are worth saving.

Sheldalzare, your pain and struggle are evident. As you said you are young and you said two things in a nutshell what it all comes down to, it's your mentor which I agree whole heartedly. We must ALL ( addicts or not) need someone to guide us, whether it being a higher being, a sponsor, something or someone greater than us. But secondly and most important, your girlfriend didn't or doesnt' define who you are, no person defines who we are. This you will learn in time, but I hope you will listen to my words. You have been clean without her for six months, YOU are responsible for that no one else, live the life you deserve for you. You clearly know what will make you go back, so do everything in your power not to take that path, your medications are prescribed for a reason do not play russian roulette with them, you know the result of not taking them ( you told us) and lastly remember this group here is a group of mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, who love and pray everyday that their addicts will get well the one thread that weaves us all together is addiction and the mental toll it has taken on us all. We are here to help if you want it.