Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
A young lady posted this in PDA and I thought she would get some of the support she desparately needs, in here. So please help her out. Thanks!
Hi, I'm new. I need to talk to someone about this because I don't want my friends or family to know...
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. I love him. I had a child with him. She is the most amazing daughter ever. But her father is an addict. He does crystal.... and possible heroin. When we first got together I didn't know until a few months after. He told me and I didn't mind at first, I didn't know what it was. He was bad in the beginning. We were happy....after about a year he met a dealer who became his friend, and everything went down hill. He started to change, didn't care for showing me he cared, was flirting it up with other chicks, on dating sites, he would disappear for days, without a word. He did so much more dope, I should of just left then, but he has a hold on me. I love him. He
When he met this new friend, I had just found out I was pregnant. I didn't want to leave I wanted to fight for him. He stopped visiting dating sites after a fight. After a while, talked to him a lot about quitting. He said he would one day and that gave me so much hope. But nothing change, he started to lie more. But sometimes a week when he wasn't around his dealer, he was great.
During this whole time, I knew I should of been smart and leave him. But I thought maybe this baby would change him into the man I know he could be. Before the baby was born, his dealer got thrown in jail. I hate to say this but....I was honestly relieved.
He started to slow down a bit. But them he met another group of friends, a girl got between us. But he told me that he only did that to see if i cared. We got into a horrible fight about it but in the end I found out he was insecure. Growing up with a father who barely cared and a mother on drugs. I understood. He stopped talking to her and hanging out with those friends.
When our daughter was born, he was there for her birth. But he was high..... I thought it was okay, he was scared out of his wits. He never grew up around kids like I had. I'm the youngest of my family. He left as soon as he could though.... didn't hold her. I hated that, but i was so happy i didn't want to bother with our problems. I kept thinking, give him time, he is new to this.
We didn't live together. So he dropped me off at my parents, I was going to college, so it helped to save money living with them. He lived with his aunt, an hour away. He left, saying he had to work. He was barely in her life at first. I'm not really sure if it was the drugs or him being scared.
It took about two months or so before he was really into being a father. Minus the changing of diapers. Seeing him with her and how she smiled at him all the time, made me love him even more. He even talked about quitting. He wanted to for her and for me. I was so happy, I hoped he would.
He ended up trying. A week went by and he was okay. But then I heard him sniffing in the bathroom. He said he needed to ween himself off. He couldn't just cold turkey. and not knowing about this drug, i said ok. At least he was trying.
Then he met his cousin, he was also on drugs, his girlfriend was a dealer.. And he started doing more and I wouldn't hear from him. Even when i would visit he would stay out all night and not get home till 3pm. And he started saying he didn't want to quit. He wanted to stay on the drugs, they made him feel better. He said he would end up quitting. I gave him a time, 3 months. And he agreed.
Now the 3 months is up, he wants more time. He let a girl get in between us again, she also does drugs. He says its all in my head. He loves me and doesnt want to loose me. I gave him a choice, he chose me. But then i saw him phone this morning and say they were still talking he saw her the night before..... he says he didn't but the texts doesnt lie.
I broke up with him this morning and left. It breaks my heart so much to leave him. I still have hope maybe he'll change. I believe that he can. I want to run back. My daughter deserves both parents and i love him so much no matter how much we've been through. I'm trying to be smart and not go back this time until he really changes.
What really sucks too is that i changed too, i started to go through his phone when i wanted. And everyone said if your trying to find something you eventually will, and i did a few times.. i also became a bitch, thinking tough love would help. Telling everything he had done and tell him how much it hurt. Saying if he did it again i would leave....i never did till today. But it hurts so much because i want to believe he will change.
I hate this person i have become. I hate who he has become. I want out old life back when we were happy.
I dont know if i should give him another chance. Or stay away. I dont want to keep his daughter from him though. I cant be that type of person. I feel like ill end of going back to him.
I know he will stop the drugs one day. I wanted to be by his side through everything. But it hurts and i feel depressed a lot. But i always put that aside and take care of my daughter. She deserves the best mother a strong one.
I have no one to talk to about this. If i told my family, they would hate him for life. If i tell my friends, the little i have, they would hate him too.
I feel stuck... sad. Heartbroken.....
I thought maybe hearing our story would help understand my situation.
I dont know if its better for me to stay away or fight for him. We fight so much because i want the best for him. I know he can be the best boyfriend and father ever, only if he stops the drugs...but he doesn't want to. I dont know what to do.
Hi, I'm new. I need to talk to someone about this because I don't want my friends or family to know...
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. I love him. I had a child with him. She is the most amazing daughter ever. But her father is an addict. He does crystal.... and possible heroin. When we first got together I didn't know until a few months after. He told me and I didn't mind at first, I didn't know what it was. He was bad in the beginning. We were happy....after about a year he met a dealer who became his friend, and everything went down hill. He started to change, didn't care for showing me he cared, was flirting it up with other chicks, on dating sites, he would disappear for days, without a word. He did so much more dope, I should of just left then, but he has a hold on me. I love him. He
When he met this new friend, I had just found out I was pregnant. I didn't want to leave I wanted to fight for him. He stopped visiting dating sites after a fight. After a while, talked to him a lot about quitting. He said he would one day and that gave me so much hope. But nothing change, he started to lie more. But sometimes a week when he wasn't around his dealer, he was great.
During this whole time, I knew I should of been smart and leave him. But I thought maybe this baby would change him into the man I know he could be. Before the baby was born, his dealer got thrown in jail. I hate to say this but....I was honestly relieved.
He started to slow down a bit. But them he met another group of friends, a girl got between us. But he told me that he only did that to see if i cared. We got into a horrible fight about it but in the end I found out he was insecure. Growing up with a father who barely cared and a mother on drugs. I understood. He stopped talking to her and hanging out with those friends.
When our daughter was born, he was there for her birth. But he was high..... I thought it was okay, he was scared out of his wits. He never grew up around kids like I had. I'm the youngest of my family. He left as soon as he could though.... didn't hold her. I hated that, but i was so happy i didn't want to bother with our problems. I kept thinking, give him time, he is new to this.
We didn't live together. So he dropped me off at my parents, I was going to college, so it helped to save money living with them. He lived with his aunt, an hour away. He left, saying he had to work. He was barely in her life at first. I'm not really sure if it was the drugs or him being scared.
It took about two months or so before he was really into being a father. Minus the changing of diapers. Seeing him with her and how she smiled at him all the time, made me love him even more. He even talked about quitting. He wanted to for her and for me. I was so happy, I hoped he would.
He ended up trying. A week went by and he was okay. But then I heard him sniffing in the bathroom. He said he needed to ween himself off. He couldn't just cold turkey. and not knowing about this drug, i said ok. At least he was trying.
Then he met his cousin, he was also on drugs, his girlfriend was a dealer.. And he started doing more and I wouldn't hear from him. Even when i would visit he would stay out all night and not get home till 3pm. And he started saying he didn't want to quit. He wanted to stay on the drugs, they made him feel better. He said he would end up quitting. I gave him a time, 3 months. And he agreed.
Now the 3 months is up, he wants more time. He let a girl get in between us again, she also does drugs. He says its all in my head. He loves me and doesnt want to loose me. I gave him a choice, he chose me. But then i saw him phone this morning and say they were still talking he saw her the night before..... he says he didn't but the texts doesnt lie.
I broke up with him this morning and left. It breaks my heart so much to leave him. I still have hope maybe he'll change. I believe that he can. I want to run back. My daughter deserves both parents and i love him so much no matter how much we've been through. I'm trying to be smart and not go back this time until he really changes.
What really sucks too is that i changed too, i started to go through his phone when i wanted. And everyone said if your trying to find something you eventually will, and i did a few times.. i also became a bitch, thinking tough love would help. Telling everything he had done and tell him how much it hurt. Saying if he did it again i would leave....i never did till today. But it hurts so much because i want to believe he will change.
I hate this person i have become. I hate who he has become. I want out old life back when we were happy.
I dont know if i should give him another chance. Or stay away. I dont want to keep his daughter from him though. I cant be that type of person. I feel like ill end of going back to him.
I know he will stop the drugs one day. I wanted to be by his side through everything. But it hurts and i feel depressed a lot. But i always put that aside and take care of my daughter. She deserves the best mother a strong one.
I have no one to talk to about this. If i told my family, they would hate him for life. If i tell my friends, the little i have, they would hate him too.
I feel stuck... sad. Heartbroken.....
I thought maybe hearing our story would help understand my situation.
I dont know if its better for me to stay away or fight for him. We fight so much because i want the best for him. I know he can be the best boyfriend and father ever, only if he stops the drugs...but he doesn't want to. I dont know what to do.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
I hope this young lady can continue her education, and take care of her darling babe. We all know, you can't love them into sobriety.
You won't get support for the child from an addict...so she better get serious about raising this child alone. IF he ever hits bottom, and she hasn't grown so much that she doesn't want him anymore, then perhaps, he can visit his child, see her, see if there will ever be any future. I would never suggest having my child held by someone wasted, or let him take the child out of my sight. Not the way he is living today.
everyone has potential for change. But we can only change ourselves. Being away from him will bring peace and healing and she will return to a sweet person. wiser, older, more tired, and maybe a bit more cautious in the next relationship...we can only all fail forward to success.
I hope she joins us. Lots of us have visited the places she is in.
And as a mom? I just hope she appreciates her parents allowing her to stay in their home. Some would not.
Welcome her to our group Bob! We are always here!
And yes I'm serious about raising her alone. I'm getting back into school this summer and trying to find a job.
I can't keep her away from him forever.
My family doesn't know about his addiction. I can't tell them. They are super protective and probably would even hate me for even being with him before. Maybe even suspect me of doing it.
I know I should not get back with him. Its really hard. He is good at convincing me to get back with him. But I don't want to get back with him at this time in his life. Its going to be so hard for me to say know to him.
I need to do this for my daughter, she deserves better. And I'm really hope this helps him.
One of his friends I asked to look out for him, who is clean. Said, that some addicts need something bad to happen or even go into jail before they decided to change their life around.
Thanks for letting me join. I really need help with this.
yes, sometimes bad things do make addicts change their minds about getting help...but we don't get to pick what that is. Jail didn't stop my son, but he stopped on his own...I think it was throwing up blood that got his attention.
I want to tell you something to think about...it is a saying in all our addiction counceling..."you are only as sick as your secrets"...
you, at some point, may feel it is better to share about his addiction issues with your folks. By you telling them you found out about it and left, may even have them have MORE respect for your choices. They are probably wildly guessing now anyway...and address their fears "I might have used" and blow it out of the water.
It is ONLY my opinion...and it may not be the right time now...but someday you may want to remove this secret...YOU aren't the addict. In AA they call it sweeping clean your side of the street...but like I said, it may not be for right now.
there is freedom in not having to remember any lies.
Other than that? you will get stronger the longer you are away from him, and yes, sometimes it is hard. It is hard to get the baby her shots and watch her cry too, right? but we know it is a good thing.
Welcome! Others will join and welcome you too. post anything you want, rants, questions, thoughts. we are happy to have you and sad you had the need to find us. HUGS
I am ok now, though.
Sweetlove, I know you are hurting terribly but staying away from him may help him hit his low much quicker! It's the only way to help him. Try to focus on your baby instead of the pain you are feeling. Remember you are doing all of this for the safety of her and to help her dad. Drug addicts hate hearing the word no because that means they have lost control and losing control is another trigger that forces addicts to get help and change their lives for the better! Please remember that.
Blue, PDA is prescription and drug abuse group. That was a great reply, I agree with everything you said. There is alot of experience and wisdom in this group and I am sure you guys have saved many lives!
God Bless!
Bob, its hard though. I don't want to keep him from his daughter. I told him if he visits, no drugs around. Even if I see it or catch him doing I will break his pipe. That usually gets him to not bring anything over. But it still sucks when he comes over high. I would try to cancel him out of my life for weeks if I didn't have a baby with him. And lately, i find myself trying to numb myself and only concentrate on the feelings my daughter is giving me. Like the happiness I look at her or make her laugh. She is the most greatest gift I ever got out of this relationship.
He also wants to go to her doctors appointment. I want to say no but I feel like he deserves to be there.
And he texted me saying if I wait for him, he has something to work towards. I want to believe him but part of me doesn't.