Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
As some of you may know, I am getting married. It seems my brother will not be there, which is OK -so far- by me as Im accepting that life serves you lemons sometimes. Unless a miracle happens and he can attend, his absence is hurting my parents and Im trying my best to support them.
Last night, though, it hit me. Tradition has it here that the bride is dressed etc at her family home. Relatives and friends are invited over. People will ask where my brother is. Very few people know of his addiction, that he moved out 2 years ago and that he has a child with another addict. His situation is our big life-secret.
I couldnt sleep. I felt overwhelming despair that kept me awake till the wee hours. But I have to find a solution to this. I refuse to let it drown me and I know how easily I can fall back into hopelessness. I cant let it happen, I need to be there for my parents who are already worried and hurting about the whole wedding-no-brother thing.
How would you handle all the questions? What lies would you come up with?
Theres no chance we tell the truth. Not because of the shame, but because we cant stigmatize him. Although hes been an addict for too long, theres always hope. But I have to have a plan for that day.
Any ideas?
Last night, though, it hit me. Tradition has it here that the bride is dressed etc at her family home. Relatives and friends are invited over. People will ask where my brother is. Very few people know of his addiction, that he moved out 2 years ago and that he has a child with another addict. His situation is our big life-secret.
I couldnt sleep. I felt overwhelming despair that kept me awake till the wee hours. But I have to find a solution to this. I refuse to let it drown me and I know how easily I can fall back into hopelessness. I cant let it happen, I need to be there for my parents who are already worried and hurting about the whole wedding-no-brother thing.
How would you handle all the questions? What lies would you come up with?
Theres no chance we tell the truth. Not because of the shame, but because we cant stigmatize him. Although hes been an addict for too long, theres always hope. But I have to have a plan for that day.
Any ideas?
No, your younger daughters should not have to carry such a burden, it's more than sad.. I understand what you're saying, they are just children..
Unfortunately, there's no way I can control the number of people present at the pre-wedding rituals. I'm stressing about the whole thing although the wedding is in a few months. Keeping it short will surely create gossip. They all think we are this happy, problem-free family.
Jolene, thanks for the advice.. I still feel I have to come up with the perfect lie so as not to cause suspicions and quickly do away with more questions..
It's insane. I'm in the process of planning my wedding and there's "find a good lie to cover up for brother' on my to-do list...
I know how you feel, I had to help plan a funeral while trying to find a way to tell people why my sister was absent. That's when I came up with the 'ask her' idea, then a quick subject change lol
What dee said, is very appropriate,,, he was unable to be here,,
Just enjoy this magical day,,,
at the reception several month's later, no one asked...and if someone did, the groom's family just said "he couldn't be here".
no one really thought about it...it was all about the bride and groom.
I don't know about this tons of people at the house thing...I had the bridesmaids show up to get dressed...everyone else, except my mom was at the church...I never heard of this...but-I was never very traditional...my daughter even less so. Hmmm.
Blessings on a wonderful day. Enjoy it...and it is YOUR day, so you get to be the boss...if you don't wanna do it...don't.
I'm raising a granddaughter because her mother is an addict. She use to come home after school and cry because she didn't know what to say when someone ask about her mom. My answer to her, "tell them it's a very long story and I don't have time to share it with you right now." It worked and no one ever asked again It made her smile.
Wish you all the best and hpoe your special day is just that. Don't let "the ghosts" determine how your day will go. You are the one incontrol.
and about your comment about having no control about how many people will be there?-- sweetie... it's your wedding, you are the top of the food chain that day... you have say about most everything.
I hope you have a lovely weding day... try not to obsess, just roll with things, don't let your anxiety focus on a problem that may not even come up.