Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
As some of you may know, I am getting married. It seems my brother will not be there, which is OK -so far- by me as Im accepting that life serves you lemons sometimes. Unless a miracle happens and he can attend, his absence is hurting my parents and Im trying my best to support them.
Last night, though, it hit me. Tradition has it here that the bride is dressed etc at her family home. Relatives and friends are invited over. People will ask where my brother is. Very few people know of his addiction, that he moved out 2 years ago and that he has a child with another addict. His situation is our big life-secret.
I couldnt sleep. I felt overwhelming despair that kept me awake till the wee hours. But I have to find a solution to this. I refuse to let it drown me and I know how easily I can fall back into hopelessness. I cant let it happen, I need to be there for my parents who are already worried and hurting about the whole wedding-no-brother thing.
How would you handle all the questions? What lies would you come up with?
Theres no chance we tell the truth. Not because of the shame, but because we cant stigmatize him. Although hes been an addict for too long, theres always hope. But I have to have a plan for that day.
Any ideas?
Last night, though, it hit me. Tradition has it here that the bride is dressed etc at her family home. Relatives and friends are invited over. People will ask where my brother is. Very few people know of his addiction, that he moved out 2 years ago and that he has a child with another addict. His situation is our big life-secret.
I couldnt sleep. I felt overwhelming despair that kept me awake till the wee hours. But I have to find a solution to this. I refuse to let it drown me and I know how easily I can fall back into hopelessness. I cant let it happen, I need to be there for my parents who are already worried and hurting about the whole wedding-no-brother thing.
How would you handle all the questions? What lies would you come up with?
Theres no chance we tell the truth. Not because of the shame, but because we cant stigmatize him. Although hes been an addict for too long, theres always hope. But I have to have a plan for that day.
Any ideas?
NWsinglemom, I loved the comment about the food chain!!! The idea to delegate sounds good. I'll try to do that.
Meenaw, your grandaughter... Little sweetheart.. She's lucky to have you!
Blue, I'm from a mediterranean country, we tend to have loads of people over. No invitation is needed, it's like an open party. So, yea..
Katrinka, my parents are still struggling with the idea that they could have done something, anything while he was still a teenager. I know, they couldn't. Maybe they know too in their heads, but they can't accept it in their hearts.
bhamguy, thanks for the laugh, again! It's like laugh and tears together.. I like your spirits :)
I guess Ill have to sleep several nights on the cover up idea. Maybe I'm being too much of a control freak..
Thanks for the wishes!
You are probably right that there are going to be both parts of the wedding process where his absence would be noticed or things like pictures of the wedding party where they pull in this side of the family or that, etc. where it will be conspicuous.
In all seriousness, though, your ceremony and event needs to be 99.5% and this drama (not created by you) needs to be a very minor thing compared to the event. You are being joined to someone, not your brother. I think if you and the folks around you agree not to make a big deal of it, it won't be. Probably a "he couldn't make it" and following up with any further questions with "I'm disappointed but I know he wanted to be here and can't really get into all the details" followed by a topic change would stop most people.