You're not alone in this and have come to the right place for help but what your going to find is that it's not in your power to make things better for your brother b/c that's a choice he (and only he) can make.

I'm a mom of 2, a daughter 22 who is clean like you and a son 18 who has been addicted since 13. My story is long so I won't go into details here but take time to read my post. My son has made my life a living hell and after hearing back from others on this site and really reading through the postings and other journals I now realize that the only way to make things better is that I must first save myself and to stop enabling him. You see like in your situation, he has made my family miserable but has broken my heart for the last time. He was arrested 2 nights ago for burglary (again) and is in jail on what should have been his HS graduation weekend - instead he dropped out. His choices have totally broke my heart. Anyway, by the grace of God I found this website and in 2 days time have learned more than I ever did from therapy sessions. You see my husband and daughter have been telling me for months that he lies and has only been playing me for a fool to get what he wants. And like a fool I bought into his net hook, line and sinker. But no more, I now see that I need to change course which means kicking him out of my life so I can heal and I plan to start tomorrow when I visit him in jail - no more money, no phone, no bail, no $$ for lawyer, no more me - no nothing. Bottom line I'll only consider letting him back into my life when I know he's made the decision and taken the initiative to change his life around otherwise it will NEVER get better. In closing I encourage you to read a poem posting made by Katrina entitled "What addicts do." It says a lot about how they think. Hugs to you and prayers for strength as you find answers.

My brother is also a heroin addict. I'm sorry I can't write much right now, but I will get back to you!

The way to make things better is to distance yourself from him, both emotionally and physically... You don't have to set a time limit really, just step back. If you haven't done so already, ask for help, for you.

I don't want to sound like a manual, there's no easy way out of the circle of addition.. I'm sure you'll get responses from other members, that will help you.

There's little you can do for him, but there are plently of things you need/have to do for yourself!

Take care,
Pen

Im so sorry you have to go through this, but sadly I understand. My sister 27, is a heroine addict. All I can say is my family has been where you are- addict begging for chances, promising she will change. And nearly 10 years later we are just now detaching from her. She lived with my parents and takes advantage of them. It's been a roller coaster the past week. We are trying to stay strong and stick to our ground. I am having nothing to do with her for right now- I need to get my head straightened out.
Stay strong. This is a great group and has really made a difference in my life. I think you just have to do what is best for you, don't waste 10 years trying to change the addict like we did... We got no where. It's out of my hands I guess- still hurts and is a daily battle to remember that, but one day at a time.

My son is in recovery opiates. Addiction not only affects the addicts it effects everyone in the family. If you let it. Rehab, therapy, IOp, 12 steps whatever it is, isn't an option for any chances of recovery it is a must. It's not the rehabs that are not successful it's the addict that is not, you and your family must create boundaries and consequences and stick to them. If he has no place to live its. It because you threw him out it is because he chose not to live in your home if you clearly have created boundaries. Until HE wants to get help, he will continue to lie, steal,manipulate because that is what addicts do. You and your family need to educate yourself on addiction, and get help for you so that you can help your brother. I have been there, I thought I could save my son but I learned he needed to save himself, in turn I learned that by not allowing my Sons addiction become my addiction that I was able to become stronger. We are here for support and to offer our own experiences that I hoe will give you strength. Hugs

Welcome, Cyndee74 and Sav27. I'm sorry for what you are both going through.

Sav27, you sound like you are describing my son. He is also an opiate addict and will be 20 this month.

There are no guarantees with rehab, but I can't see how it can make things worse. He may be afraid of the withdrawal from coming down off the drugs. Doctors are there to help him and to make him comfortable. My son actually liked detox. He was sick at first, but they gave him meds that made him feel good. The rehab itself begins after detox. This is when he receives counseling and learns the tools for getting better on the outside. It's very possible that he won't use the tools and he may relapse. My son was back on the Oxy within 3 days of coming home. Even if he goes back to the drugs, the tools he learned about will still be there. He can use them when he is ready. The other benefit with rehab is the family program. This is where you and your family can learn all about addiction and how you can take care of yourself and support his recovery.

It has now been just over 2 years since my son returned from in patient rehab. Since then he has been off and on the opiates and other pills and has turned to alcohol the couple of times he has been "clean" from the opiates. He still hasn't been completely clean for any extended period of time. Now he's clearly back on something, probably opiates, because he has spent his entire paycheck and tax refund (over $700) in the past 9 days. He is in his 4th round of intensive outpatient treatment and clearly that isn't working either. We have tried everything we can think of, but here we are.

Everyone is right. He will need treatment to get better and it will only work if he wants it. That doesn't necessarily mean that it won't work if he's forced to go. He may decide that he wants it once his head is clear. Whether he wants it or not, your parents are right in telling him that he needs to go to treatment if he wants to live with them. It's not just about him. You and your parents all deserve peace in your life and it's not going to happen with him in the home and continuing to use drugs.

I also highly recommend the book Beautiful Boy for you and your parents.

The only thing that helped me was going to Al-Anon meetings. There are probably meetings in your area, you can find out details by googling them or looking in your phone book.

You (and other family members) didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it. Addicts lie and steal, all the time. It's part of the addiction. Watch his actions not his words.