Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

1,905 Members

8,121 Posts

0 Online

AYS31911 10/24/2013

Hi all,

At a loss....

I moved away from home 7 years ago to start a new life away from a family full of addicts. I never go home for the holidays because that seems to be prime time for drama, relapse and fighting. I broke the cardinal rule and booked a trip for Thanksgiving. Low and behold - My mom relapses in full force. We're talking stealing thousands, physical assault, etc.

I haven't been home in over a year and not sure if I should follow through on plans. Seeing her fresh in her relapse is the last thing I want but there's no way to avoid her if I go home.

Anyone been there? Ideas on how to handle?

jainlor 10/24/2013

if you have a happy life spend thanksgiving with your friends. my advice don't go home...sounds like it would be a lot of hurt all over again. you deserve better xoxo

jen50 10/24/2013

I agree. Enjoy your holidays with those that feed your soul.

AYS31911 10/24/2013

Thanks for your feedback, friends. I have other family and friends back home that I feel are being punished by us ditching the trip. There's never an easy answer, is there? Sigh....

deleted_user 10/24/2013

I hope with whatever you decide to do you will have the peace and joy you deserve. Take care :)

katrinka 10/25/2013

Go back home and enjoy your family and friends. Don't let your Mom's addiction keep you away, instead hold strong to your boundaries and if she starts any crap, walk away and leave the situation. Hope your not staying at your mom's if you are I would make some other arrangements.

deleted_user 10/25/2013

Hi. I actually have been dealing with this same issue with my mom as well. It seems that every time I visit home she relapses. Just this past summer I got marries and my mom relapsed at my reception. I too contemplated going home to Connecticut for Thanksgiving with my husband, and we have decided to go but to celebrate at my cousins house instead. Even though my mom might show up, at least I won't be at my parent's house. I think that you should go where you feel comfortable. Maybe it's not such a good idea to go home since your mom is still fresh in her relapse, and spending it with your friends is better for your own well being.

AYS31911 10/27/2013

@Lizzy -

We have decided to take a similar approach. We've made arrangements to stay with my closest friend and her boyfriend for the majority of our trip. Definitely NOT staying with Mom. We may have to celebrate Thanksgiving at another relatives and see her but that's a little different than getting her on her own turf. Thankfully she's learned that boundaries are #1 and she doesn't push back much once they're out in the open.

I've been dealing with this stuff as long as I can remember and have never joined an online forum. It's nice to know some of you. I appreciate the candor.

jms7229 10/27/2013

I have s sister who lives only 40 minutes away, she is an alcoholic who can make any gathering a very unhappy event. Two years ago on thanksgiving I was the lucky one who received the brunt of her abuse. She is not the only dysfunctional/ poor social skill member of my family. Since then I avoid family gatherings like tHe plague!!!!! I celebrate with my friendship family, my sons, and their girlfriends. Holidays are for happy memories. Any functions I do attend I set and keep my boundaries. When I first started this practice, I did have to work through some GUILT, but I can relax and enjoy those special days now.

Join the Conversation