I hope you stop feeling like the bad guy because you are not. You are trying to do your best with a bad situation that is outside your control. And I hope your brother gets through this and comes out better.

Pen I am sorry you are dealing with this but you must not feel guilty for anything! Your brother has created this drama and somehow he has to stop. I know it must hurt you deeply and your parents are out of town and you feel it all on your shoulders but you are not alone we are all here supporting you and knowing you did everything right and your brother made these terrible choices. Maybe getting arrested with force him into doing some clean time and thus helping him to think clearly. Chin up girl! We are here for you!

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. He was released as no charges were pressed. I am waiting for his phone call now to go and pick him up from the metro station.

My father is calling tomorrow the social services and other relevant authorities with regard to the child. I am sure this is not the first time that the child witnesses violence.

The crazy thing is that my brother is not a violent person. Even under the most extreme circumstances, he never tried to hurt any of us. He would rather hurt himself, cut himself up, drug himself to numbness.

This is one sick relationship he is in. Addiction, unstable personalities, poverty, marginality and no solid support system.

I will bring him to my place to give him some food and a showlder to cry on, if he wants to. Then I'm taking him to the family house. He has the keys to the garden cottage. He doesn't want to sleep at my home. I am worried, though, of what he might do to himself. He is in a fragile state.

I will be doing some serious praying tonight. Thank you for replying so promptly, I really, really need some support.

Pen- I am adding my prayers to yours honey... But please, try not to "own all this"... (Yeah, I know, really hard...) I have very recently learned that the guilt I have carried over my son's addiction and trouble with the law had "taken up residence in my heart". through some healing prayer ministry I been able to release a bit, and it is an amazingly freeing feeling.. I pray the same for you.

whew....I lost my son on Jan 7th, 2013 to an overdose !!! Your rant sounds all too familiar....You think it is bad now...Pulling your hair out, trying to rationalize this situation....but it can get far worse.

good luck my friend,

I am sorry. For you and for your parents, and mostly for the child. Your brother must feel so trapped and stuck. We can never give up hope.

Pen,,, love your brother with all your heart,,, it's sad that the woman he stood by,,, let him down,, perhaps the light has been lit ,,, praying for you girl,,, be strong for that little one,, truly that's the victim in this battle,,,

We are here for you

Pen it is so hard to deal with the craziness and that is exactly what it is crazy life when you have an addict in it that you love and care about. But like you said this is normal in his life not yours you are handling it well. I hope this is an eye opener for him . Prayers to you Dee

First of all, let me thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here. Second, I want to admit on this board, as loudly and clearly as possible, that I am absolutely powerless in the face of my brothers addiction and set of mind.

I woke up today with the certainty in my heart that last night, when I picked him up after the incident with the g/f and the police, he was high on heroin. All the signs were there, the half-closed eyes, the broken knees, the calmness, the leaning body. They were there but I was so preoccupied with caring for him that I didnt take them in consideration. He stayed at my place for a couple of hours, had some food and talked absolute nonsense. He was one high-flying drama queen blaming everyone else, himself included, BUT the g/f. He lied to my face about little things, about big things. I kept my mouth shut. But I am not second-guessing myself. He was high on heroin. I trust my gut, my eyes and my experience.

The woman was calling him frantically. Back in the old days Id say that I heard the demon talking. Thats how she sounds, honestly. When he told her that he is at my place she started cursing at me. She was high.My brother admitted to it as if its a normal thing.

The crazy, and I mean CRAZY thing is that he was sweet talking her. The woman is a mess, she uses him as a baby sitter, cook, cleaner while she disappears for days with her new lover. She is an opiate addict and my brother takes pride in the 'fact" that she is opiate free despite the fact that she pops pills as if they are candies. Nevertheless, he told her that they can work things out if she wants to.

I am sorry this entry is long. Theres no-one I can talk to about this. I dont want to burden my parents and my husband, he has to stay out of it. He has lost enough already.

I am not going to confront him about the relapse [use?]. But next time he calls me to the rescue, I am not going to help him out and I will explain why.

I am sickened by this relationship. I am embarrased on his behalf. I am ashamed of him being a little, sorry nothing, begging this non-person for a chance. I am angry at him for letting a little child witness the abnormality of this life.

Still, I am completely powerless. This indiscribable person is his whole world. I just wonder WHY.

Last thing: he is doing doing the methadone programme for himself. He is doomed to fail. He has failed. He just hasn't admitted to it.

I am not back on square one, however. I am hurt, but strong, I know better this time round.

meant to write "he is not doing this methadone programme for himself"

Yea,,, it's amazing I can almost hear the calmness from you,,, you have come along way,,, your right you are powerless,, however wy we react ,,, it's not going to make them stop or not,,, you set you boundaries,, perhaps next time,when he calls to be rescue,, you have choice,,, say yes or say no,,, remember what's the point in explaining to someone the reason we say no,, when they are high,, just simply say,, I'm sorry,, but I'm unavailable at this time,,,
Who cares if your the bad guy here,, your the good guy,, for that little one,,, who didn't ask to be in the middle of a drug infested world,,,

Arms around you,,, for strength,,
Hugs!!

Pen you are doing really well. The thing about your brother and his relationship is confusing you I know. My son when he was at his worst had a GF and he has since told me that he was codependent on her. He needed his drugs but he also needed to never be alone and he held her hostage, well sounds like your bro can't bear to be alone either and who else would have him in his condition. I'm not sure if he is on Suboxone or not but my son was at his worst whle attempting Suboxone. Stay firm with your brother say I love you but I'm not going to particpate in your death... Feel no guilt, you are an amazing sister and once he cleans up his act he will see you again. Give him nothing and do not let him take up too much time in your head... You have anew husband who adores you and deserves you and you deserve him. Detachment is what is going to save you. We all love and care for you so take care of YOU!
Hugs
Marg

Is the child his?? Id be SO concerned for that child over anything else. How tragic. I really hope social services or SOMEONE can rescue that child before its too late.

He says the child is his. He has legally recognized it as his. I have only seen a couple of picture of it that my brother sent me when it was a few months old.

The social services have done absolutely nothing of significance, despite our efforts. We have taken every legal step to get the authorities to intervene but, as I said, to no avail. The child will be 3 years old this August. I will ask not to think badly of me for not stepping in and provide for the child. The money my father was sendind him was going to dope. Both the woman and my brother are master manipulators.

He called me today and asked me to get him some stuff over to the family house, where he is staying. I told him that we can not possibly have a brother and sister relationship unless he is 100% honest with me. Eventually, I confronted him about last night's high and he denied it. Of course.

For a moment, I second-guessed my self. I have to keep my sanity.

Maybe I am asking too much from him.

Saddest part: my mother has been crying the whole day through. She said she feels disconnected from reality and that she can't find a moment of piece.

I know I need real, honest support because I have to support my parents through this. This, which I don't know what it really is.

oh pen, i am so sorry you and your parents are going through this still. i was so hopeful when i heard he was on methadone but if all the signs are there, trust your instinct and he will lie to you about it cause he knows he is a disappointment and failure again.....please love him and support him if he wants to go for recovery, rehab....but detach. you are right. you cannot change or control the situation. you can only control how yyou react.....God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. prayers for you, your parents and also prayers for your brother