Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My boyfriend was an alcoholic and cocaine addict. He was still drinking when I first met him, and, very early on, I realized he was an alcoholic, and told him so. I said he had to stop, or I would leave. He realized I meant that, and stopped - although, he has, of course, he has had his slip-ups.
He has been very honest about his slip ups with his drinking. Last summer, when I was out of town, he had a couple drinks, and told me. He had a crazy justification for it, and I called him on it, and he listened, and admitted I was right. He never yelled, or lashed out, or blamed it on me or anything like that. He just listened, considered what I said, and then agreed with me.
He did not have another drink until this Christmas. Again, he told me about it. If he had not told me, I never would have known. He could have easily hidden it, and he didn't. Again, he handled it very well when I called him on it.
I obviously used to worry a lot about his drinking, but, as time goes on, I worry less. But I do still worry about the cocaine. I don't think he had done any for a while before he met me - by the time we met, he hadn't done any in a year or so, I think.
But I still worry. I know that addicts can be very sneaky, and very deceptive, and can stand there and lie to you while looking sweet and innocent.
I have had many times where I worried like crazy, and a few points where I almost left him, because I did not want to live like that.
Last night, when I talked to him, he seemed so hyper on the phone. Now I keep worrying that he was into something, because he is not normally a hyper person at all. He is very calm, soft-spoken.
The plot thickens: he had just been at the bar (for some work he was doing). I pointed out that he was a bit hyper, and he said he thought it was the coffee - he drinks coffee in bars, to avoid drinking alcohol. But this is a bar where he used to hang out a lot, in his crazy days, and it strikes me as a place where he could easily run into a buddy from the good old days, and get temped by cocaine. And he has admitted to me, in the past, that he's been around it, and been tempted.
What I'm wondering is: am I being paranoid?? Or do I have reason to worry?
Sometimes, I can't figure out where the line is....I want to be aware, so that I notice if he starts using again, but I don't want to be constantly paranoid.
The reason I mentioned how honest he had been about the drinking is that I'm trying to show you that he has a good track record with this, that he has been very honest in the past.
He has been very honest about his slip ups with his drinking. Last summer, when I was out of town, he had a couple drinks, and told me. He had a crazy justification for it, and I called him on it, and he listened, and admitted I was right. He never yelled, or lashed out, or blamed it on me or anything like that. He just listened, considered what I said, and then agreed with me.
He did not have another drink until this Christmas. Again, he told me about it. If he had not told me, I never would have known. He could have easily hidden it, and he didn't. Again, he handled it very well when I called him on it.
I obviously used to worry a lot about his drinking, but, as time goes on, I worry less. But I do still worry about the cocaine. I don't think he had done any for a while before he met me - by the time we met, he hadn't done any in a year or so, I think.
But I still worry. I know that addicts can be very sneaky, and very deceptive, and can stand there and lie to you while looking sweet and innocent.
I have had many times where I worried like crazy, and a few points where I almost left him, because I did not want to live like that.
Last night, when I talked to him, he seemed so hyper on the phone. Now I keep worrying that he was into something, because he is not normally a hyper person at all. He is very calm, soft-spoken.
The plot thickens: he had just been at the bar (for some work he was doing). I pointed out that he was a bit hyper, and he said he thought it was the coffee - he drinks coffee in bars, to avoid drinking alcohol. But this is a bar where he used to hang out a lot, in his crazy days, and it strikes me as a place where he could easily run into a buddy from the good old days, and get temped by cocaine. And he has admitted to me, in the past, that he's been around it, and been tempted.
What I'm wondering is: am I being paranoid?? Or do I have reason to worry?
Sometimes, I can't figure out where the line is....I want to be aware, so that I notice if he starts using again, but I don't want to be constantly paranoid.
The reason I mentioned how honest he had been about the drinking is that I'm trying to show you that he has a good track record with this, that he has been very honest in the past.
http://ezinearticles.com/?Signs-of-Cocaine-Use---What-Are-the-Signs-and-Symptoms-of-Cocaine-Use?&id=295483
Katrina - good point about the age. My BF is a bit older...he's 39. I'm sure age is a factor, yes....but, I think there are other factors, too. I think something that's helped my BF a lot is that he seems willing to actually look at his motivations behind his addiction, so he can understand what drives him to do that stuff. Also, thanks so much for the book ideas! Yes, I wonder if there is a genetic thing at work here....my BF's father drank, and both of his grandparents were also alcoholics.
MaxiforChrist - thanks for the link!!
Someone brought up the point of avoiding "triggers". I totally agree. When my BF first stopped drinking, he still had the habit of hanging out in bars contantly! The same bars he used to drink in! I couldn't believe it. I pointed out to him that that might not be a good idea, and he saw my point, and stopped haning out in them so much.
Unfortunetly, his work does cause him to sometimes be in bars - and, I admit, I seriously don't like that. But, I realize that he has to work when he gets work, as he's basically on call. Last time I talked to him him, he said (admitted) that he "needed to be drinking something" in bars, which is why he drinks coffee in bars now. At first, he was drinking Red Bull, but I think he realized that the large amounts of sugar/caffiene were not so good for him.
He's been working in bars the past few nights, so I can't help but wonder at bit. I haven't talked to him, as I've been at home, sick, with a terrible migraine. To add to my suspicious, I noticed something on his Facebook wall from a old buddy of his, about meeting at a bar for "good times" or soemthing. Oh, god, I thought - this is exactly the kind of person I'd rather him not hand out with...
...it's a guy from his good old party days, who I know does coke. My BF had said to me that he's been avoiding hanging out in these situations like with his old buddy. He know's he'll be tempted. I don't know if he went or not.
The funny thing is, he took the guy's note off his Facebook wall. That made me wonder a little....why doesn't he want me to see it? Again, I'm probably just being paranoid.
I haven't talked to him for a few days, 'cause of the migraine. Last night was the first time I could get up and move around, and that's when I saw the note on his wall. By today, it was gone.
Again - thanks for all the advice, thoughts, book ideas, and stories.
My BF actually came up with the idea of a home test once. So that's probably a good sign.
But the thing is, he wouldn't take a test is he is going to fail it....so, either he said that because he really is clean, or because he knows some way to fake the test or something.
Thanks for the ideas and thoughts!
I am going to speak with him tomorrow about stuff that's been concerning me.